Tal you made me giggle. I do remember the good old days, when we first started.

I remember wondering how we were going to afford junk for our junk drawer. You know, tape, string, twist ties, elastic bands. Everyone has a junk drawer, but it takes time to put in the "essentials" and I was so worried about it. Looking back, I can't believe I was that obsessed with a junk drawer. Now I have too much junk, in fact, I have two drawers. Still can't find tape when I need it, but I could run elastic bands around my house twice. ;)

The first years are hard, but working together, living within budget, doing without the things you don't need, it brings you closer together.

When we started we had my parents old couch, the springs were shot, if you sat in it the wrong way you may lose the ability to have children later on in life. It was ugly as sin, but functional... ish. We had that couch for the first 3 years of our marriage. When we finally got a new one I was thrilled. It meant so much more because we had to wait for it, work for it.

So many things we did without. We didn't have a TV for the first 3 years either, then, after we got one, we didn't have cable. I thought that TV and cable was a necessity, but when you're without it you realize that it's not at all important. In fact, I miss those days, we talked more back then, not just during commercials. :)

The thing is, we worked together, we continue to work together. Even after 14 years of marriage every day is still a work in progress. Combining two lives, two very different people, learning to listen to each other, talk to each other, exist with each other, it's a learning process, a continuous one.

You don't give up every time there's trouble, you figure out a way to survive, together. That's marriage. :)

Quote:

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Originally Posted by talaniman

What a thread, and does it ever remind me of the good old days (being bah-roke). It ain't easy, but the one thing you can control, is your attitude, and since you take trazadone, which I did for a while, I'm sure you have to follow the prescription as its an anti-depressant that has to build up in the body to be effective.

This will help you stay calm, and have better reactions, and you can see where your over reacting and that does no one any good. Staying calm does, so take your meds and keep working toward a better day. It will happen, its just hard to see right now. Tell hubby to stretch his cigarettes out and shave with soap and water like the rest of us hairy slobs until he can afford shaving cream.

Make him a lunch for work, thats what we had to do, and keep pressing on.

Honestly, most young couples are supposed to struggle in the early years (as you are in), so they can have something to look back on and laugh about. Its all in how you deal with it, and only you can control your attitude.

His cigarettes should be in his budget, and when he runs out, tough. Been there, done that. (stilling doing it too, Hmmmm!)

The others have been giving you some great advice, so deal with your situation with the right attitude. You can do this, I know you can, as we all started with nothing, too!

---

No I don't take trazadone for depression, I take it occasionally for sleep.

Sorry if I've missed this anywhere (don't think it was mentioned yet) but, Jennie, have you tried Craigslist?

craigslist: phoenix classifieds for jobs, apartments, personals, for sale, services, community, and events
(Craigslist for your city)

Post your qualifications to babysit or whatever under Services AND Resumes, and look under Jobs also.


A little tip: If they don't say their company name in their ad for a job available, it is spam.

Also, if you have anything of any value laying around the house, Craigslist is a good way to sell it. I just sold two metal trashcans that I never used (came with the house) for $5. Got them out of my way, and got me a little pocket change. (Yeah, $5 isn't much, but in your situation everything counts, even that 12c)

By the way everyone is saying how they struggled in the start of it. Well I have been with my husband since 1991. We moved in together in '92, married in '96. Not yet have we been able to buy our own new furniture. Ever. Couch and loveseat are from his brother, recliner from my mom, kitchen table set from his mother. My sons bed is the one I had as a kid. Living life is hard. Some make it, some just get by, and some struggle. Just be happy to have a wonderful husband who can provide, a beautiful daughter and family to go to when you need it. The reason I have a computer today is because my mom let me use her credit card to buy it. No other reason. Look to the bright side and smile that you have someone and together your making a family.

Hello everyone.

After much thought and prayer (sorry, don't mean to offend anyone but I am christian and that's what I do :p)
And talking and praying with my aunt, who is also a strong christian, we talked for a long time.
And I am going to take her advice.

I gave issac his debit card. I gave him a written list of our bills, and showed him how to use quicken, and showed him how to use the budget feature on quicken.
He is now in charge of EVERYTHING.

I am incharge of buying grocerys with our food stamps, taking care of our home and daughter, and I will be getting a job as soon as I find one (which is beginning to get on my nerves lol) and in which case, once I have a job, my money will be deposited into our account and he will be responsible for all of our bills.

Either we lose everything, or he learns how to do it... thats the way its got to be or this marriage won't work ever. He has got to understand that it was not easy for me (a comment he had made this morning was 'how hard could it be to get bills paid) nor was it making it any easier for me when he was spending nearly 50$ each month in junk food.

I will be praying for him, that god takes him down the correct path in taking care of his family... (again, not trying to be offensive, its just me and my own beliefs)

So... those of you who do, please pray for us. And those who don't, keep your fingers crossed.

Hopefully this will take away some of the tension in our marriage... at least it will take away from his complaint 'i never see any of MY money that I work for'

Thanks for all the support everyone. Yes, even the harsh slaps in the face ;)

Maybe actually working on the budget together as a couple would be a better idea. Need to learn how to work together and do things together as a couple. Especially budgeting. Although myself personally tend to do most of it, I sometimes wonder if we would be better off if we did it together as a couple.

Of course, my prayers are with you but trying to put that all on his shoulders to see if he fails or not. Then that gives you an excuse to get out of the marriage if he does not succeed. I do not think that is fair either.

So I am just being honest and giving my own opinion and thoughts on this. Yes, I believe in prayer and I do believe that God works in each of us a plan. We all have things to learn in life but it is much better if you learn them together as a couple.

Goodnight..
Joe

I agree with Jesushelper. Don't set him up to fail so you can find reasons to leave or to nag. This is a good start though for him to see first hand where the money comes from and where it goes. This is something he will learn with trial and error. If you do lose everything, then start over as a couple. Don't hold it against him for something he failed at. Stand by him and help him and give suggestions. But don't tell him what to do or point fingers. He will need to learn this in his own way.

Best wishes Jeni. There are a lot of us pulling for you.

I never said that if he failed I would leave him...

I'm going to help him. I told him that if he had questions I'm here for him. But the responsibility of getting it done is his responsibility. I'm not just handing it over and saying good luck. I will tell him HOW to do things, and if he need me to, WHEN things need done. We went through all that last night.

We have tried doing it togetehr before (maybe I didn't say that before, I've been saying a lot to a lot of people)

Every time we have sat down together and talked about it together and did the bills together he simply differs to me, tells me to do what I think is best, still spends money we don't have, and then still blames me for not having any extra money.

This is the only thing we haven't tried before. We have tried us doing it together, we have tried me doing it and keeping him informed, we have tried me doing it and simply telling him we don't have money, we have tried EVERYTHING that people have suggested, I have thought of, and HE has thought of. This is the ONLY thing we haven't tried yet.

*hugs* thanks everyone

Quote " That is the way its gotta to be or this marriage wont work " These are your own words Jennie.

So yes, you pretty much said if it does not work out then the marriage is over. No more excuses Jennie.

No matter how many times you try, you have to keep trying. Marriage is more then just giving up and yes you might not have tried this. I hope it works. Your determined to do it this way.

Good luck. Best wishes again with your tough love. As Sunflower has said you know what, If you guys do lose everything. Then rebuilt everything Together as a couple.

What was your previous signature??

I am out.

I would remove the note about the signature, I don't think that makes it less offensive, in fact now it just draws more attention to your previous signature.

I think letting him have the responsibility of paying the bills is a very good idea, because fail or not, he will learn something he needs to know. Hey if you have nothing, what can you lose.

Just make sure you step back, but support him as a good wife should.

Confession- I learned my lesson very well, and I suspect so will he.

Jennie ,where I live they are always looking for home aides.
The training is paid and they try to work with you to send you to places that you can travel to on a bus.

They also work within your schedule,so that would be good for your daughter.
You can work as little or as much as you need.

Basically,you do some personal care,bathing and such and light grocery shopping and housecleaning and perhaps make a light meal and do laundry.

I know there is a large elderly population in Arizona so they may have a substantial need for aides.

Just a thought.

You can also use your training to work in a nursing home or residential facility for the disabled.

That's what I think tal, whether he does it, or fails trying, he will learn something from it. If nothing else he will learn WHY we have no extra money for him to be spending freely.

That's an excellent idea arty I will look into it. I volunteered at the school this morning, and found out from the lady who organizes the volunteers that SOME positions are paid. The cafeteria isn't hiring right now, but there are office jobs that may be hiring, and janitor jobs, and classroom aides (not teachers aids, as that requires a degree) that are paid. Granted they aren't paid much. But its some. So I will be talking to the lady who handles all of that this afternoon after school (she isn't there early in the mornings)

You can do bad by yourself. In fact, you might find that you will do better without him. Do you have a job? If not, then get one or go back to school if you have not finished. A working mom in school qualifies for so much financial assistance... furthermore you may qualify for foodstamps and other social services without him. A friend of mine had a similar situation to yours. Her husband wanted to live a lavish lifestyle in a house they could not afford and refused to sell. He wanted extravagant trips, parties, and clubbing, but they couldn't afford groceries and their bills even though they worked everyday. She left him-took her kids and moved to a 1 bedroom apartment. Everyone thought she was crazy-3 kids in a 1 bedroom apartment. She scaled her lifestyle back and lived that way for over a year until she had enough money to buy a small home for herself. I'm an advocate of marriage, but if he's a looser that is unwilling to change and not bringing in enough money to make an impact in the family budget you can do fine on your own. Have the courage to become empowered to do it by yourself. His child support payments will help you. Your daughter will respect you for it one day.;)

One more thought on this.. regarding your daughter. I'm a mom too-have a five year old. I understand the thought of moving her is difficult, however young children are amazing at adjusting and recovering. Better to do it now than wait until she's older. Older children have a more difficult time and do not adjust a quickly. Young kids make friends easy.. bigger kids have more difficulty in leaving old friends behind. You got to think long term.

B

Quote:

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Originally Posted by bettybranch

You can do bad by yourself. In fact, you might find that you will do better without him. Do you have a job? If not, then get one or go back to school if you have not finished. A working mom in school qualifies for soo much financial assistance...furthermore you may qualify for foodstamps and other social services without him. A friend of mine had a similar situation to yours. Her husband wanted to live a lavish lifestyle in a house they could not afford and refused to sell. He wanted extravagant trips, parties, and clubbing, but they couldn't afford groceries and their bills even though they worked everyday. She left him-took her kids and moved to a 1 bedroom apartment. Everyone thought she was crazy-3 kids in a 1 bedroom apartment. She scaled her lifestyle back and lived that way for over a year until she had enough money to buy a small home for herself. I'm an advocate of marriage, but if he's a looser that is unwilling to change and not bringing in enough money to make an impact in the family budget you can do fine on your own. Have the courage to become empowered to do it by yourself. His child support payments will help you. Your daughter will respect you for it one day.;)

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This guy is NOT a "looser", he is mentally retarded. He does the best he can, and should be commended, not left out in the cold. Please read the entire history of a post before making accusations.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by jmjoseph

This guy is NOT a "looser", he is mentally retarded. He does the best he can, and should be commended, not left out in the cold. Please read the entire history of a post before making accusations.

---

First of all, this is my first day ever using this site. I responded to what I was able to see. If he is mentally retarded he should be commended; however that does not change her situation. She appears to be struggling with a person that does not bring value to the relationship. Instead it appears that he brings stress. It's not cool to have to live in debt and ask others for assistance all the time. If she wants to continue in her marriage with him, then they both need to make some sacrifices and some changes.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by bettybranch

First of all, this is my first day ever using this site. I responded to what I was able to see. If he is mentally retarded he should be commended; however that does not change her situation. She appears to be struggling with a person that does not bring value to the relationship. Instead it appears that he brings stress. It's not cool to have to live in debt and ask others for assistance all the time. If she wants to continue in her marriage with him, then they both need to make some sacrifices and some changes.

---

The posts are there for you to read, just take the time. You will have a more complete view of what is going on rather than only what's on this last page and jumping in and calling him a "looser". If you go back and read the whole thread, you will see that he does bring value to the relationship if for no other reason than being a willing partner. This person is here asking for help in making her marriage work because she doesn't want to leave him if they can work through this and she needs guidance on how to do it; something more substantial than essentially saying "Leave him".

Quote:

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Originally Posted by bettybranch

First of all, this is my first day ever using this site. I responded to what I was able to see. If he is mentally retarded he should be commended; however that does not change her situation. She appears to be struggling with a person that does not bring value to the relationship. Instead it appears that he brings stress. It's not cool to have to live in debt and ask others for assistance all the time. If she wants to continue in her marriage with him, then they both need to make some sacrifices and some changes.

---

You should probably read the complete post before you respond.
It does change her situation. She married and was aware of the additional challenges that she could face in marriage. She stepped up to the challenge when she said 'I do'. There isn't anything really to indicate that her husband isn't trying with her. He just isn't understanding that he is busting his hump, she is at home and he can't even get shaving cream without permission.

Her husband is also not Ayla's father, so she can't receive child support from him. By the way, Jennie, why are you not receiving from Ayla's father. You should also be pursuing that.

What is he 'looser' than? You call someone a loser and it is you who can't even spell it?

Quote:

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Originally Posted by bettybranch

First of all, this is my first day ever using this site. I responded to what I was able to see. If he is mentally retarded he should be commended; however that does not change her situation. She appears to be struggling with a person that does not bring value to the relationship. Instead it appears that he brings stress. It's not cool to have to live in debt and ask others for assistance all the time. If she wants to continue in her marriage with him, then they both need to make some sacrifices and some changes.

---

The previous posts are there for a reason. It's never a good idea to go to a thread with many responses and just pass over them.

The responses tell the whole story, it's important to read them, that way you don't say something someone else has already said and you don't make hurtful comments either.

Calling someone a loser when he's doing his best to support his family, not cool.

He is the only working member of his household, he brings in very little and doesn't really ask for a lot. If an occasional meal at McDonalds makes someone a loser, then sign me up.

Thanks for the support everyone. I wasn't entirely sure what to say to 'bettybranch'

Justy, her biological father has a court order to pay 158 a month for child support, and he did for a few years into her life, but stopped completely. From what I understand, they don't know where he is. *grr* I don't know where he is, but I know from his myspace that he has a new girlfriend who he is getting married to (or has already married) so, if she is working, and he is not, that would explain why his wages aren't being garnished anymore. Very frustrating.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by bettybranch

First of all, this is my first day ever using this site. I responded to what I was able to see. If he is mentally retarded he should be commended; however that does not change her situation. She appears to be struggling with a person that does not bring value to the relationship. Instead it appears that he brings stress. It's not cool to have to live in debt and ask others for assistance all the time. If she wants to continue in her marriage with him, then they both need to make some sacrifices and some changes.

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I know it's your first time, and welcome. However, we all learned(sometimes the hard way) how to follow the rules, be respectful, and most importantly read the entire posts' history BEFORE we make comments. Once again you have insulted a mentally challenged individual by saying he brings no value to the relationship. How do you know what he does, and doesn't do to this relationship?

He may very well be one of the best things that has happened to Jennie, short of her daughter. READ the post, read what's going in on in their lives, before you kick a man out into the streets.. . " he brings stress"? I'm sure he brings love, joy, and happiness as well, most importantly he brings UNDERSTANDING. A little something we all need more of eh Betty?

Quote:

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Originally Posted by jmjoseph

I know it's your first time, and welcome. However, we all learned(sometimes the hard way) how to follow the rules, be respectful, and most importantly read the entire posts' history BEFORE we make comments. Once again you have insulted a mentally challenged individual by saying he brings no value to the relationship. How do you know what he does, and doesn't do to this relationship?

He may very well be one of the best things that has happened to Jennie, short of her daughter. READ the post, read what's going in on in their lives, before you kick a man out into the streets. ..." he brings stress"? I'm sure he brings love, joy, and happiness as well, most importantly he brings UNDERSTANDING. A little something we all need more of eh Betty?

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I had to spread the rep but I couldn't agree more.

Another thing to realize Betty, he's mentally handicapped yet still manages to hold down a job and provide for his wife and child. Even though he doesn't make millions, he doesn't look for handouts either. He rides his bike to work every day and does what he has to do to put a roof over their heads and food on the table.

They don't have expendable income, which is the main purpose for this thread. He buys a few luxury items (cigarettes, fast food etc) that they really can't afford and that causes Jennie stress because there isn't extra money for those items. Leaving isn't the solution, taking on some of his burden is.

He does bring value to the relationship. He's not abusive, he's not a deadbeat, he just doesn't make a lot of money. That's not a reason to walk out of a marriage.

I tried to give you some rep alty. But I had to spread it aparently.
But well said.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by jenniepepsi

thanks for the support everyone. i wasnt entirely sure what to say to 'bettybranch'

justy, her biological father has a court order to pay 158 a month for child support, and he did for a few years into her life, but stopped completely. from what i understand, they dont know where he is. *grr* i dont know where he is, but i know from his myspace that he has a new girlfriend who he is getting married to (or has already married) so, if she is working, and he is not, that would explain why his wages arent being garnished anymore. very frustrating.

---

This is where you need to start being in charge.
You start researching, you find out who you need to contact to have the state follow up on your child support.
Ayla is being financially supported by your husband, now is the time to make the man truly responsible - RESPONSIBLE.
You have enough free time on your hands, you need to make this a priority as well.
The child support office is not concerned with your child support, you have to be.
Be the squeaky wheel. Get active in your case. You have time take your order back in front of a judge, force someone to pay attention. Do some leg work and find out where he is. Surely you have some information.
It may only be $158/month but that is a 10% increase on the income you have now. Make it a priority.
You can't strap and punish a man for trying his hardest to take care of you and Ayla, while you let another man, WHO IS RESPONSIBLE, walk away from the situation.

So Jennie, how's the job search going?

Hello everyone.

First, I may have a job soon! The school is interveiwing me for a janitor job. It's a night job. So keep fingers crossed for me and keep prayign for me.



OK... now on to the reason I came online here...

I'm sorry to let everyone know that issac and I will be getting a divorce... there is no other option anymore.
And before anyone says anything, please read all of this. Or you won't understand my reasons.

This morning my mother and I were on the phone talking about my grandmothers MS, and how she is having a very bad MS attack and that we would be moving my birthday celebration to next week end because of it (my birthday is this Sunday... but somehow the joy has gone out of it)

My husband was talking in the background asking what was for dinner.

I kindly said 'hang on hon, ill tell you in a sec'

I said it in an offhand, converstional way. Just an every day comment.



He stormed off. And started yelling 'f-ing stupid b#### can't even answer my D*** question'
My mom said that she couldn't hear me over him so told me to go talk to him and she would call me later. (my mother understands that he is mentally challenged and sometimes his temper gets the best of him. But its normally never more than him cussing and yelling)



So I hang up. And go to talk to him. And he comes rushing over. And PUNCHES ME IN THE FACE, and says "your mother is a ing just like you! i dont know why you even talk to her!!"



...



So I'm at a loss for words now (other than what I have already said of course)

But my duaghters biological father beat me and ridiculed me and abused me for several years . And I WILL NOT accept it AGAIN.

I'm sorry, I understand he is mentally challenged... I understand he may be bipolar like me... I UNDERSTAND. He might be having an off day.
BUT NO MAN will EVER HIT ME AGAIN AND BE FORGIVEN FOR IT.


*hugs* thank you everyone for supporting me, and helping me struggle to save my marriage... but I'm sorry, no matter what any of you say, this is the end of it... I won't fight for this marriage anymore, even if it was just a one time thing, even if he says sorry it will never happen again... ive lived through abuse, and I refuse to do it again...

Thanks for listening...

There is no excuse for abuse of any variety.
I am sorry for what you are going through.
Please keep this in mind and spend some time learning to enjoy yourself and Ayla.
I think you should also keep this in mind in the future because you seem to jump into relationships head first and I think it would be the most beneficial if you just stay single for a long while.
Leave this relationship behind you and don't look back.

You are absolutely right justy. I DO jump into relationships... not that its any reason or good excuse to do so, but I think its because when my duaghters 'father' treated me like that, I was so desperate to find better. You know what I mean?

I'm going to be SINGLE. Maybe for the rest of my life... I have my daddy, and I have my best friend who happens to be a guy (total plutonic, no romantic relationship lol) and I got my brother. That's all the male relationships I need.

*hugs* thanks hon. I need to start getting our stuff together. We will NOT be here when he gets home from work. If it was just me, I would stay to tell him why I'm leaving and, yes, as bad as it sounds, possibly take the chance of getting hit again. But I can live with that, and I have some words to share with him lol.
But my duaghter will be home, and that crap is NOT going to be around her AT ALL.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by jenniepepsi

hello everyone.

first, i may have a job soon! the school is interveiwing me for a janitor job. its a night job. so keep fingers crossed for me and keep prayign for me.



ok...now on to the reason i came online here...

im sorry to let everyone know that issac and i will be getting a divorce...there is no other option anymore.
and before anyone says anything, please read all of this. or you wont understand my reasons.

this morning my mother and i were on the phone talking about my grandmothers MS, and how she is having a very bad MS attack and that we would be moving my birthday celebration to next week end because of it (my birthday is this sunday...but somehow the joy has gone out of it)

my husband was talking in the background asking what was for dinner.

i kindly said 'hang on hon, ill tell you in a sec'

i said it in an offhand, converstional way. just an every day comment.



he stormed off. and started yelling 'f-ing stupid b#### can't even answer my D*** question'
my mom said that she couldnt hear me over him so told me to go talk to him and she would call me later. (my mother understands that he is mentally challenged and sometimes his temper gets the best of him. but its normally never more than him cussing and yelling)



so i hang up. and go to talk to him. and he comes rushing over. and PUNCHES ME IN THE FACE, and says "your mother is a ing just like you! i dont know why you even talk to her!!"



...



so im at a loss for words now (other than what i have already said of course)

but my duaghters biological father beat me and ridiculed me and abused me for several years . and i WILL NOT accept it AGAIN.

im sorry, i understand he is mentally challenged...i understnad he may be bipolar like me...i UNDERSTAND. he might be having an off day.
BUT NO MAN will EVER HIT ME AGAIN AND BE FORGIVEN FOR IT.


*hugs* thank you everyone for supporting me, and helping me struggle to save my marriage...but im sorry, no matter what any of you say, this is the end of it...i wont fight for this marraige anymore, even if it was just a one time thing, even if he says sorry it will never happen again....ive lived thru abuse, and i refuse to do it again...

thanks for listening...

---

I'm very sorry Jennie that you had to relive that kind of abuse,even for one moment.
I was abused and I can't even bear to watch that type of thing on TV without having a sense of inner panic.

I think this may very well be the best thing for all of you as an environment where behavior is that unpredictable is dangerous for you and your daughter.

Know that we are here if you need to let off steam.

Be strong and you will get through this.You have proven yourself to be a survivor.Remember that!

Jennie,

Regardless of your decision, I wish the very best for you and your daughter. No one should ever have to live in fear of being assaulted in their own home. I had no idea he was physically abusive. Sometimes the mentally challenged have out bursts of anger. It's their only way of expressing frustration.

I hope the split goes smoothly, please let us know how it goes.

I'll be praying for you. GOD bless.

Jennie, I am happy that you made the decision to move on. Mental disability does not excuse one from temper tantrums such as this, nor does it excuse one from being physically abusive. He knows better.

Your little one does not need to grow up in this environment, it will only teach her that abuse is normal and okay. She will grow up being abused, verbally or physically, if you stay in this marriage.

I'm sorry this has to come right around your birthday, but look at it that your present is a new stress free, violence free life.

I'm proud of you girl.

Jennie,

I really hope that you called the police, filed a report. If he decides to make this difficult then you need as much documentation as possible so that you can stay safe.

If you haven't already done so, file a report.

Now that we know he is a total idiot, I think we all stand behind your decision.

Good luck from here.

Thanks everyone.
Yes alty I filed a report. Not much can really be done at this point, as from what I understand, domestic voilence in this area is VERY VERY common and the police have to be nuetral in these affairs. But the report is made.

And I most likely will be making another report tomorrow. He has been calling me and yelling at me all day, telling me what I MUST do, like 'get the rest of your 'stuff' (he didn't SAY stuff if you know what I mean) or 'now I can't freaking pay the bills because I don't have enough money!' (obviously he didn't say freaking either)
Which isn't MY problem, because for a YEAR now, I have paid THE Same bills, with the Same amount of paycheck. Its hard yes. But its not MY fault he can't figure it out. At this point, I really don't give a flying rats butt. (obviously, I could use stronger words)

Then he goes on and on asking about if I'm going to come get my 'stuff' tomrrow. I say yes. 'well what about your wedding stuff' (amazingly he accually said stuff this time)
I said 'yeah probably, what I don't want to keep I can probably sell or give away to friends who need it'
He says
'wel no you can, cause I destroyed it all'

!!

My wedding flutes... my wedding picture frame, our wedding album... my wedding dress... EVERYTHING.

From what I understand from my uncle who is a retired police officer and working as a guard in a jail right now, he says I can sue him for destruction of property. Obviously the wedding picture and album is BOTH of ours, so he said that was 'common property' but id like him to explain why he thinks that my wedding DRESS is his also. And the wedding flutes were given to me at my bridal shower from my friend.


So tomorrow, when I go over there, if its true, I'm filing a report on that too.


I have had SO SO Many oportunitys to 'get back at him' such as, his paycheck is going into our JOINT ACCOUNT tomorrow *evil grin*

However, I'm not going to give him any ammo to use against ME in court. I'm going to be nice, polite, and fair. So that when I cut the rug out from under him on all the crap he has pulled in the last few days, the judge can laugh and award me alimony.
Not that I WANT his money... I could care less... but you know... I don't want him to think he can just do all of this, and get away with it...

OH and good news for a change! I am so excitedly happy about this. I was crying my eyes out because ayla may have had to change schools because my mom couldn't afford the gas to drive 20-30 minutes there and back 2 times a day to get her to school. And she has an amazingly wonderful teacher (who doesn't care about the 'PC' stuff about personal boundarys in school and gave me a hug today when picked ayla up. I was crying and she asked what was wrong so I told her and she hugged me. And she REALLY LOVES our kids! And ayla LOVES her, and she has a best friend (they were holding hands today, SO CUTE) and so many friends, and she is finally settling down and adjusting to her classroom and everything...

I didn't want to take that away. So I spent all day today on the phone and computer calling and emailing everyone I could think of to help at the school district (and friends as well to see if anyone could possibly help)

And it turns out, that in situations like this, its considered 'being forced out of home' and because of the no child left behind act, the school district has a program in place so that if a student in the school district, loses their home, and has no way to get to and from school anymore, they will PAY me (or my mom) 47c a mile! And from what my dad says, really the range for most cars is only 10-30 cents in gas to drive a mile (depending on your miliage ability)

So my mom said with this program, we can continue to take her to her school :) :)

Which I'm glad for also because I walked by the school here in my moms neighborhood today when school let out. And DID NOT LIKE IT. It was so disorganized, and unsupervised. A KINDERGARDENER was walking around in the street ALONE, and there were no teachers or parent volunteers supervising! Not even CROSSING GUARDS!!

Jennie,
Thank god you had the courage and the sense to get out of there. I'm very proud of you. There are not a lot of women who can do that. They always seem to think things will get better, and they rarely do.

Good luck with the coming days and Happy belated Birthday!:)

Please keep us informed.

Congratulations, Jennie! I'm so happy to hear you are getting away from the abuse and also that your daughter can stay in her school. That's wonderful!

To help your daughter handle the abuse that's been going on (and I don't just mean physical abuse), I recommend Lundy Bancroft's book "When Dad Hurts Mom." I hope you can get it from the library.

Your life is going to be better now.

Oh jeni best wishes with everything your going through right now. Keep yourself and your daughter safe. Think before you act. Your at a tough time right now. I hate to see you act out against him and then have it held against you in court. Be strong and wise. Good luck and come back to keep us posted.

Jennie,I am glad you are being strong and taking what I know is not the easy path to a better life,but a better path in the long run.
My only advice is to not go back to your place without someone to protect you.
There is no telling what kind of mental state your husband is in and I worry for your safety.
Leaving is the most dangerous time for a woman who has been abused.
I know this was not a pattern of his but the potential for escalated abuse still exists.
Many Blessings my dear,stay strong!

Jennie, when you go back, as Artsy has said, have a police officer accompany you. Since you have filed charges, they will go with you for protection. Also, make a list of everything you are taking as that may be admissible in court should he make a problem of it.

Stick to your guns girl. The next thing coming is him saying he is sorry, that he will never do this again, and that he loves you. This is the cycle of abuse. Be aware of it, be ready for it, but don't be fooled by it.