Just be around June 22 cusp of Gemini and cancerQuote:
Originally Posted by Meow420
CRAZY
My home home grown
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Just be around June 22 cusp of Gemini and cancerQuote:
Originally Posted by Meow420
CRAZY
My home home grown
Nice image, artlady! :)
This is my plant ,nice or not ?Quote:
Originally Posted by artlady
What ro puff up? Oh do my friend.Quote:
Originally Posted by artlady
Artlady you just spun me out.. didn't expect you to have a green thumb hahahaha :)
My mum is the 18th of June!
mwah x x
Its New york plant:)Quote:
Originally Posted by Clough
I am am a Cancer/gemini cusp June 22 1954Quote:
Originally Posted by Meow420
No I do not think I'm exactly helping him out or making him a better man.Quote:
Originally Posted by hoping4best130
He absolutley could have a different girl every day of the week and that is fine. It is his life. I see other men all the time. I know what he thinks of me. He respects me by what he says to me and by how he acts with me. He MAY think I'm the biggest slut in the world and he MAY think he is onto a sweet deal, getting to have sex with me for free... But that doesn't matter. He treats me very well. How I want and EXPECT to be treated.
I do not feel I am degrading myself.
Wow we stropped your thread! Sorry! Seriously!b;)Quote:
Originally Posted by Meow420
Chill baby
Lol its all good, please continue :)Quote:
Originally Posted by artlady
My mum would be close to the cusp then yeah?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Meow420
I agree with this statement, it is possible to love someone and have sex with other people. But only when it is all in the open.
It is not possible to truly love some and do it behind their back. It is straight forward betrayal.
I am in an exclusive relationship and I can't imagine him stepping out of our relationship. The minute he does I will be out.
If he wants sex then he should be having it only with me and not someone else because if he does he will be cheating. And a cheater can be trusted. Even though I love my fiancé I already know what I won't tolerant.
I look at my mom and dad relationship as an example. They been married for over 20+ years. I'm not going say they marriage been al peaches&cream because their relationship isn't perfect. However they work through their problems together. My father once told me "even though your mother gets on my nerves at time I can see I never stepped out of our marriage. I'm too scare anyone because she might kill me. hehe ".
So it is great to be in love and to have someone to love you back. It is great to have someone to share things with and who respect you and treats you live a queen. Open relationships aren't my thing because I not keen on sharing my man. He is for me and me only.
Hopefully counseling will change your views on relationships.
What a terrible & judgemental thing to say... ESPECIALLY given your title of "Christianity expert". Not sure just how you earned that title but what about "love the sinner, hate the sin"?Quote:
Originally Posted by Fr_Chuck
Quote:
Originally Posted by liz28
I guess cheating can only be defined by each indivdual..
Cheating to me, is giving someone else your heart. An emotional affair. A physical affair does not worry me, offend me, upset me... but an emotional attacthment to another is crossing the line.
I congratulate you on finding your partner in life! Stand up for what u believe in and take no crap x x x
Yeah I was guna say something about that comment when it was first made, but I didn't want to upset a religious man lolQuote:
Originally Posted by martina59
Lol! Never upset a religious man... he has friends in HIGH places... lol :pQuote:
Originally Posted by Meow420
Quote:
Originally Posted by martina59
I took this as answering her question. She asked if she was horrible for doing what she was doing and he answered her that yes she was horrible.
You don't think he has an emotional attachment to you after being with you for over a year... sharing intimate details of his marriage with you... having you help him understand his wife better... discussing his sexual additiction with you... you can talk to him about anything... and you say you have fallen for him. Sounds full of emotion to me.Quote:
Originally Posted by Meow420
Face it, you want your cake and to eat it too just as he does. You can keep him at arms length and see him when it is convenient for you to do so. You can have the "fun" without the full dynamics of a relationship. You aren't helping him, you are fueling his addiction just as if you were giving drugs to an addict, and sooner or later it will come to a head, his wife will likely gain knowledge of what has gone on... and you will have been a party to the likely demise of his marriage... which effects both of their families... and children they may end up having if you continue with this.
You wanted to know if it was wrong... well of course it is wrong since not all of the parties involved are aware of what is going on. You say you try to justify it by telling yourself that you aren't the married one, but you are aiding in this deception and by your own admission, you are doing so because it suits you and makes you happy... yes, that makes you selfish in this regard because you are thinking of yourself, your desires, your feelings, before anyone else.
You're fooling yourself, and trying to justify your actions because you are afraid of being exposed to a true relationship and the risks involved... this is safe for you, on your terms for the most part, free to come and go as you please, no one to answer to or consider, no real giving over of yourself.
I hope the counseling can help you discover why you are in this sort of a relationship, and why you feel the need to justify it.
Consider this: if it were a good place for you to to be, if it was a relationship you should be involved in, you wouldn't have to justify it to anyone... least of all to yourself.
Hmmmmm interesting thread!
Just to be the devil's advocate here, is it possible that the boyfriends marriage is still together because of the affair?
Don't jump on me here but consider that more than 50% of marriages fail. Are our expectations too unrealistic? Is it really a normal, or natural situation for two people to stay faithful to each other until the end of time? Are we expecting something that isn't really attainable?
Why do we morally judge anybody, when probably a good chunk of the posters here have had their own affairs, breakups, broken marriages etc. All are good people, but were the breakups all by 'immoral' means? Are those that stray 'immoral?' If what you bring to the relationship is based on total and complete fidelity, that is one moral judgment you decide to live by. But, others may not share those views.
If, just if, this were say, 30 years ago, and the man in this equation had an affair, or multiple affairs, surely they would have divorced.
But, here we are in 2009, and we still judge by the same old standards. Why is the other woman the one held accountable for the actions of the man, and his marriage. He is the married one, not her.
She is bright, articulate, independent, and knows what she wants. She protects herself, and isn't making any false or imagined promises as to a future with this man, because there won't be one, based on his history of affairs.
She does not sound to me that she is anything other than in complete control of herself, and her life. That she includes a man who happens to be married doesn't make her less than a moral person.
And, I don't believe for a second that his wife doesn't know he's had several women on the side. She would have to have the intelligence and intuition of a flea not to know her husband is cheating. Yet, it isn't a problem for her. It isn't a problem for him, and it isn't a problem for our OP.
So, if crossing the sexual affair, into an emotional attachment is becoming a problem, then it may be time to let him go. To develop love for someone who can never truly love you back, is an unhealthy emotional place to be in.
So, morals and judgments aside here, what is she doing that is so different from thousands of other people that do the same thing. Where one marriage may fail because of it, another might survive (such as this one).
If all needs are being met by all parties, what's the problem.
I still don't agree one iota about his response. He's overlooking that he's saying SHE is terrible... she's not terrible, what SHE IS DOING IS!Quote:
Originally Posted by DoulaLC
I just want to say, that my question has been answered.
I am not horrible. To the majority of people on this site, my actions are horrible. And that's OK. We all think differently.
I am seeing a counsellor on Tuesday next week, to talk over a few things that I think may need to change. I think I need to learn how to accept who I am and know that not everybody shares my opinion.
Meow420... you obviously know it is wrong, at least in some part or you wouldn't have asked the question. Assuming the wife knows and you are some how helping in keeping their marriage together only allows you to continue to justify your actions. As long as we are assuming, I would guess she doesn't know only because after a year of confiding in you and being able to talk about the intimacies of their relationship with you, I would think it would have come up in your conversations whether she knows and is OK with what is going on.
Either you are fully OK with what you are doing or you are not... which is it? I hope you find your answers with the counseling.
You can separate your being horrible from your actions being horrible that is fine just like love the sinner hate the sin.
BUT at the end of the day YOU are still the one that DID the action. You can live with yourself that is your decision but all these wives whose husbands you mess with they aren't as lucky to be able to make the decision to leave if they have no idea.
How old are you cassie?
I think if you want to stay on this site you had better refrain from the b I t c h usage.
I JUST got done posting below your last post for the SAME thing. Next one I just might give you a reddie.
I have answered your question in a previous post.Quote:
Originally Posted by cassiepooh
I am not a s--t. I am a whore.
This is not a very encouraging comment. Not that everyone has to be nice and agree with me BUT you can express your opinions in a not so vulgar way.
Cassie it is okay to state your opinon about the situation but calling someone names is childish so what does it make you?
I don't agree with her sleeping with a married man nor do I agree with her reasons but not one did I call her a name.
And people like yourself that can voice their opinion in calm, rational way, more often get listened to. Ive listened to what people are saying and I am taking it all on board.Quote:
Originally Posted by liz28
Jake I am a little confused by your post.
I agree that the wife most know about her husband past affairs and I don't know why she stays with him.
I for one never dated anyone one who was involved with anyone. They could have had a girlfriend, wife, etc. In the past I've been hit on by married man but I never got involved with them. I gave them a piece of my mind and ended it with a "go home to your wife".
I am confused when you say when a man/woman cheats it is actually helping to save their relationship--how is that? I never knew that cheating would help save a relationship.
If someone wanted to save their marriage they would go about it in a different. However this man doesn't even seem like he wants to save his marriage and might not love anyone (including his wife) and will continue to cheat with whoever is willing to.
I think he is in the wrong but two wrongs never makes it right.
You can not solicite IMs or PM on this site.Quote:
Originally Posted by cassiepooh
This man does love his wife very much. Just because he is a cheater, it does not make him incapable of loving..Quote:
Originally Posted by liz28
If you love someone you do not hurt them in the way that cheating hurts another person.
If he honestly loved his wife, he wouldn't be in this situation.
That isn't the type of love that I would ever want in my life.
I never said he was incapable to love but I said he "doesn't love his wife".Quote:
Originally Posted by Meow420
What is loving?
I do care about other people. I don't think you really know me well enough to make that statement about me.Quote:
Originally Posted by cassiepooh
The truth does not hurt, It is what it is. Im not hiding from the truth. Its not all about sex. It just started that way. He gives me what I am looking for in a relationship,
Again, can we all remember that I came here with doubts about my situation (which means I do have a
Be wary of new posters who have not read the rules for posting.
Take the information that is helpful and relevant to your situation and grow. You have faced your situation and are trying to make a change for the best. Do not be discouraged.
Again, can we all remember that I came here with doubts about my situation (which means I do have a soul) I came seeking advice and I got some great help. I decided after talking to people here that I should seek professional advice and I made an appointment with a counsellor. I see there is a problem and I am making progress at getting it resolved.Quote:
Originally Posted by Meow420
Sure he can love his wife
But he is not loving her enough to not cheat
He is not loving her enough to put her feelings and needs as #1 or he would not cheat
He is caring about his needs rather than finding a way to change or he would seek help to over come his desire for somebody else other than his wife.
At the end of the day, I can only speak of my own feelings and emotions.. At this point though, his motives are not really relevant.Quote:
Originally Posted by N0help4u
I understand why you would ask that Liz. Most people don't agree with me on this point, and I see why.Quote:
Originally Posted by liz28
In a relationship where (I presume) the wife has lived with her husband's affairs for a long time, and has chosen to stay, there must be some benefit. Maybe the benefit is financial, maybe it's for the sake of the kids, maybe the guy is a great guy with fine qualities, with the exception of, he sleeps around, and she knows it.
Maybe they have a partnership more than a marriage. When you consider what it takes to make a marriage work, everything doesn't revolve around how it is supposed to be by most people's standards.
I'm not saying the wife in question shouldn't get counselling with her husband, and the two of them should work on coming clean about this part of their relationship.
But, after 10 years, I think it's safe to say that she's as happy with the way things are, as he is, and so too is the OP.
Our thinking that the OP is the cause of this problem of infidelity isn't fair. The infidelity happened long before she came along, and will go on long after she moves on. That she chooses to have this affair not only dosen't make her a bad or horrible person, anymore than the wife who ignores her husbands trysts, or the husband with a long line of affairs. It's just not fair to judge.
I personally know a woman, she is a friend of mine, and has been for many years. She is committed to her marriage, but she also has a commitment to her lover on the side. I didn't abandon her when I became aware of this, but everybody else did.
Five years on, her daughter is about to get married, her husband has just retired, and the lover is still seen once in a while.
I sat back and just listened. This 'triangle' worked for her, and gave her what she needed, and she was happy with that. Still is.
IF she had asked me what I personally thought, I'd have said, you need to get rid of ManB, and concentrate on Man A, your husband. Knowing her as long as I have, I can't turn around and suddenly see her as some sort of monster. She is the same person.
I think that maybe, just maybe, the benefit to her, kept her marriage together. Who knows, maybe the same holds true for our OP's boyfriends wife?
I for one never blame the OP for this man infidelity and I don't think our members wasn't either. Everyone was just pointing out how unhealthy it was. The man is wrong but this is his behavior but it doesn't make it right.
I to have a friend that just stopped dating a married man for 11 years. I seen the struggles she went through but it was her fault. The wife knew about it but she didn't care until she got fed up with it and came after my friend with a knife. That woke her up to leave.
After reading the OP other post I see she have some unhealthy views and I just hope that counseling helps her open her eyes and get her on a healthy road.
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