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Originally Posted by Meow420

i just made an appointment to speak to a professional. Maybe this was the kick in the pants i needed.

And im not a tramp. Well at least, i dont think i am

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You are to his wife, realize that, accept it, because that's what she would think if she found out. Wouldn't you?

I hope the counselling works. Every one has been through something, it's what you do in the future, despite your past, that's important.

I wish you all the best.

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Originally Posted by Meow420

I just made an appointment to speak to a professional. Maybe this was the kick in the pants I needed.

And I'm not a tramp. Well at least, I don't think I am

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Well done.

I wish you only good luck in your journey - you may find counselling will be hard and you'll feel resistant and defensive, but don't give up.

I'm into 'corny' today, so I'll finish with a quote from Charles D**kens... (A Tale of Two Cities)...

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It is a far, far better thing that I do, than I have ever done; it is a far, far better rest that I go to, than I have ever known.

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Thanks for that... its so hard to relay what I'm really going through.. there is more to it than just my infedelity with the married man... (as you will know if you have read my other questions on this site) I've been livng a life that has me me happy but obviously not nessessarly the right way to live... I don't want to be unhappy but I don't want to feel cut off from the world

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Originally Posted by Meow420

i just made an appointment to speak to a professional. Maybe this was the kick in the pants i needed.

And im not a tramp. Well at least, i dont think i am

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I'm really glad you can see what we're trying to say and are are taking positive steps to try to help yourself :)

I know that counseling will work as long as your open to it.

I have been hit on by married guys but I never gave the time or day. I would simply tell them to go home to your wife and the conversation would end there. So it doesn't matter who came on to who.

You said you wouldn't see a future with this guy even if he was single and you don't want him now so continue dealing with him? Cut things off with him and leave him alone. You can turn this wrong into a right. You can end things now and never put yourself in this situation again and start working of yourself.

If you were to leave him believe me he would find someone else. When one pair of legs close another one will be open. Maybe he will go back to his prostitutes but it doesn't matter where he will go because it is his business.

Just don't waste another day with him because this is all your doing--wasting your time when you could be doing something more worth while.

Yes! Very horrible. Find your own single man!

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Originally Posted by DCLoya

Yes! Very horrible. Find your own single man!

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I think you need to read all the posts before adding something, you'll see that Meow actually came to some really positive conclusions.

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Originally Posted by liz28

I know that counseling will work as long as your open to it.

You said you wouldn't see a future with this guy even if he was single and you don't want him now so continue dealing with him? Cut things off with him and leave him alone. You can turn this wrong into a right. You can end things now and never put yourself in this situation again and start working of yourself.

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I don't see a future with him or any man. I don't want a full blown relationship. Once a week or once a month to hang out with my partner is enough for me. Most people don't understand it. But I don't expect people to. I guess I have a different outlook on things.

I am going to see someone tues next week. Hopefully they can help put my mind in the right place

What do you think about marriage and fidelity, Meow420?

What do they represent, to you?

Thanks!

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Originally Posted by Gemini54

I think you need to read all the posts before adding something, you'll see that Meow actually came to some really positive conclusions.

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thank you Gemini x x x x:)

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Originally Posted by Clough

What do you think about marriage and fidelity, Meow420?

What do they represent, to you?

Thanks!

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OK well when it comes to fidelity I guess I view things a little differently. Im very open about my partners having sex outside the relationship. I don't believe that all of us can be monogamous to our partners. To me, sex and love are two different things. I can have sex with someone else, but that does not take away the love I have for my partner.

I understand that some men wander and that does not worry me. When Im in a relationship, they can sleep with whoever they choose, as long as they come home to me. To me, cheating only occurs when they give their heart and love to someone else.

Ive never been one to dream of marriage. If I get married, that's fine, but if I don't, it will not worry me. Being happy is the most important. I respect those that do enter into a marriage and do not judge when they also get divorced. (now is the time that those who disagree will say that by being with a married man, I am disrespecting THEIR marriage. I don't believe I am, only because I do not wish to break them up. I do not wish to steal him away from her. I do respect her. I feel bad for her if he ever gets caught. I don't know... I'm starting to lose my train of thought... )

I think I'm making myself look bad by saying this.. I think I will stop..

Well, you're sharing the way that you feel and think. That's a good thing! I'm not going to be the type of person to judge you here. That's simply not me.

I am trying to get you ready and primed for questions that you're likely to get when you attend your counseling sessions.

Believe me, I've been there, done that!

I really do appreciate the honesty and you being upfront in the way that you answered!

Thanks!

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Originally Posted by Clough

Well, you're sharing the way that you feel and think. That's a good thing! I'm not going to be the type of person to judge you here. That's simply not me.

I am trying to get you ready and primed for questions that you're likely to get when you attend your counseling sessions.

Believe me, I've been there, done that!

I really do appreciate the honesty and you being upfront in the way that you answered!

Thanks!

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Is he guna ask me hard questions? Oh dear lol I'm getting nervous. What if he thinks that the way I think its messed up? Do I then have to change my whole belief system?

Seeing a counselor is a process that can take a long time.

You've already taken the first steps to entering the process. Please give yourself a chance and be open to what might be said and happen in that process.

When I was married in the early 1980's, my wife and I were having problems. She sought out a counselor. Me, being the macho guy that I was, thought that she and I could work things out by ourselves. Wrong!

After awhile though, I did consent to go to joint counseling with her. I was resistant at first. After a number of sessions with the counselor, I was finding out so many things about myself and how to cope with them, that I was really enjoying it!

After awhile, my wife quit going to the sessions, but I continued because I was enjoying it so much! My wife and I were later divorced, but that was for choices and things that the counseling sessions really couldn't solve or help

Not everyone can get along with everyone else...

Our children realize that...

One thing lead to another, and I then "graduated" to a different level of counseling and also group therapy.

It was all a very mind-opening and helpful experience, to me, for the years that I attended.

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Originally Posted by Clough

Seeing a counselor is a process that can take a long time.

You've already taken the first steps to entering the process. Please give yourself a chance and be open to what might be said and happen in that process.

When I was married in the early 1980's, my wife and I were having problems. She sought out a counselor. Me, being the macho guy that I was, thought that she and I could work things out by ourselves. Wrong!

After awhile though, I did consent to go to joint counseling with her. I was resistant at first. After a number of sessions with the counselor, I was finding out so many things about myself and how to cope with them, that I was really enjoying it!

After awhile, my wife quit going to the sessions, but I continued because I was enjoying it so much! My wife and I were later divorced, but that was for choices and things that the counseling sessions really couldn't solve or help

Not everyone can get along with everyone else...

Our children realize that...

One thing lead to another, and I then "graduated" to a different level of counseling and also group therapy.

It was all a very mind-opening and helpful experience, to me, for the years that I attended.

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Well that gives me a good idea of what to expect.. thank u... there is a lot to my story and my worst fear is being judged by a professional.. but from what you have all said, they aren't like that.

Yes, they all aren't like that - judgmental. But, if the one that you go to turns out to be that way, then I would definitely seek out a different one. They're supposed to be helping people not hindering them or making them feel guilty.

Again, it's a process and you're taking the right steps. I do applaud you for that.

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Originally Posted by Clough

Yes, they all aren't like that - judgmental. But, if the one that you go to turns out to be that way, then I would definitely seek out a different one. They're supposed to be helping people not hindering them or making them feel guilty.

Again, it's a process and you're taking the right steps. I do applaud you for that.

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I will definalely make a post on this one after I go see him.. a few people have said they would love to know how I go, so I will post it... I hope people are still thinking postively for me lol

Most of us who frequent this site on a regular basis do think really positively and proactively. There will always be those who jump to conclusions and form opinions without any time or effort at discovering things and seeing how the original poster really is and feels.

I do appreciate your honesty and openness here!

I too, would like to know how things go!

Thanks!

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Originally Posted by Clough

Most of us who frequent this site on a regular basis do think really positively and proactively. There will always be those who jump to conclusions and form opinions without any time or effort at discovering things and seeing how the original poster really is and feels.

I do appreciate your honesty and openness here!

I too, would like to know how things go!

Thanks!

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thank u x x x mwah x x x

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Originally Posted by Meow420

He has been with his wife for 10yrs, marries one year and the whole time he has been with her he has cheated on her

I know he loves her very much.

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These two statements contradict each other to me

There is a big difference between Having an open relationship and cheating. If he truly loved her he would not have been betraying her for 10 years.

I am glad that you have decided to sort this all out though.