Her husband came into the house and said sorry because he was out with his mistress and the mistress sent her a text saying "Bit¢h, leave him alone". She called him after she receive the text and his mistress was laughing in the background while she was talking to him.

I know peoole cheat but this guy had an ongoing affair and is still having one. He wants to have his cake and ice cream with sprinkles on top.

If he cared about his marriage with kids he would have stopped along time ago but didn't.

Ok. I thought that the affair had gone on only for a short time; was thinking that the intensity may have faded, with him coming back to reality with the OP's comment about him 'being sorry'.

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Originally Posted by Jake2008

Has he had affairs in the past? When he came home and said he was sorry, what did that mean, that he wanted to save his marriage?

And why are you leaving, he should be the one leaving. To uproot yourself and all your children doesn't make sense to me, at least right now.

I don't want to beat a dead horse, but if he is starting to come around, some time outside the house would send a clear message and might just 'sober' him up.

I know that won't be a particularly popular idea, but, husbands (and wives) have affairs, marriages recover, people make mistakes.

Maybe it is time to think past the hurt and confusion, and be prepared for him to want to keep his marriage together. What is he prepared to do if that is the case at all.

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No he's with her now. We still live toegther,I'm leaving cause the house is his when his mom passes. And no he's not coming around he what's to be with this woman. They will see it won't last its been 2 months and there already trying to move in together. She was with her husband for 23yrs. Now she's all about mine and him the same. I give it 6 months, but I'll be fine me and my kids. He's not even thinking about anything but her. The grass is sometimes rooten on the other side. My grass will be nice and green!!

Hey just to let you know I'm not at the house anymore. Staying with my sister. Monday got real bad, we got in a fight. He went to jail and can't go to the house until 27. Tuesday I filed fot because. And child support. So here I go have to keep moving forward. I let you know what going on.

Wow, I am glad you left and at a safe place but sorry things got ungly. He must have did something really bad to get arrested.

Stay strong and keep us posted.

Hey just to let you know what's going on. Im still at my sisters Friday he started sending me texts telling me he missed talking to me. Then sat he called first thing in the morning and asked to see me. I told him I had plans and when I was done I would call. So around 6 that evening we meet at the park, he saw the kids and we talked for along time. Then he came back over later around 9. We talked more he told me he misses he me and knows he still loves me. He said we should take it one day at a time. He is still seeing the other woman, I don't know what to do I still love him. I think me leaveing messed with his head. I don't think he thought I would. So now I'm trying to get my head clear so I can see what's up.

I think at this point in time, when he has changed nothing in his life, you have no reason to trust him.

He is still talking out of both sides of his mouth, and you are in the middle, still hanging on hope.

Don't be fooled by familiarity, kind words, words of love and feelings. It is all meaningless, because they are not sincere. While he thinks he may love you in his own way, I would think that it may have something to do with that he loves you because you are a good mother, or he loves you because you are kind and considerate. He likely loves you as a sister more than a wife.

What he is choosing to do, and what he is saying is not love between a married couple.

Don't be fooled into thinking that he is changed. I don't think he ever will, and even if he does decide you are the one he wants, can you ever get past the fact that he destroyed your trust in him? Can he ever be the man you thought he once was?

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Originally Posted by Jake2008

I think at this point in time, when he has changed nothing in his life, you have no reason to trust him.

He is still talking out of both sides of his mouth, and you are in the middle, still hanging on hope.

Don't be fooled by familiarity, kind words, words of love and feelings. It is all meaningless, because they are not sincere. While he thinks he may love you in his own way, I would think that it may have something to do with that he loves you because you are a good mother, or he loves you because you are kind and considerate. He likely loves you as a sister more than a wife.

What he is choosing to do, and what he is saying is not love between a married couple.

Don't be fooled into thinking that he is changed. I don't think he ever will, and even if he does decide you are the one he wants, can you ever get past the fact that he destroyed your trust in him? Can he ever be the man you thought he once was?

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I don't know there is so much going threw my head. I do love him very much,I miss him. There's just something there I can't put my finger on it. I was doing OK I think sometimes I wish he would not have text me. This is really hard!

I don't doubt that you do love him. He is the father of your children, and you have had a very long, and likely for the most part, very good marriage.

There was probably far more good than bad, and as you said, you worked through the bad times, and all of that combined makes two committed people stronger together. Where most marriages fail now, to say you have loved someone for 17 years is an accomplishment in itself.

I think there eventually comes a time where we realize that no matter how much we love somebody, they become different people. They mature differently, or develop other incompatible interests, friends, activities etc. and before you know it, you are living two different lives under the same roof. Familiarity and hope for change keeps you there, and the family intact. It feels like the right thing to do, to weather any storm that comes your way.

But, sometimes it just comes to pass where love is not enough. You may love him until the day you die, but love is not enough to solve the problems you are facing now.

It reminds me of a friend of mine who said she loves her husband to death- when he's sober.

But for the fact that your husband has chosen a new life, or lifestyle for himself, and is not willing to see the benefit in changing back to where he was faithful and trustworthy, is clearly a sign that your needs will no longer met. He is not the person he was, and it doesn't sound like he ever will be again.

Love is what it is. You may just have to leave that behind and move on.

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Originally Posted by Jake2008

I don't doubt that you do love him. He is the father of your children, and you have had a very long, and likely for the most part, very good marriage.

There was probably far more good than bad, and as you said, you worked through the bad times, and all of that combined makes two committed people stronger together. Where most marriages fail now, to say you have loved someone for 17 years is an accomplishment in itself.

I think there eventually comes a time where we realize that no matter how much we love somebody, they become different people. They mature differently, or develop other incompatable interests, friends, activites etc., and before you know it, you are living two different lives under the same roof. Familiarity and hope for change keeps you there, and the family intact. It feels like the right thing to do, to weather any storm that comes your way.

But, sometimes it just comes to pass where love is not enough. You may love him until the day you die, but love is not enough to solve the problems you are facing now.

It reminds me of a friend of mine who said she loves her husband to death- when he's sober.

But for the fact that your husband has chosen a new life, or lifestyle for himself, and is not willing to see the benefit in changing back to where he was faithful and trustworthy, is clearly a sign that your needs will no longer met. He is not the person he was, and it doesn't sound like he ever will be again.

Love is what it is. You may just have to leave that behind and move on.

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I know sometimes love just isn't enough. I was fine Friday then he text, and all that went out the door . And when I see him its hard he has a hard time too. Im still going to go ahead with my plans to get my own place. I think I need to stop letting him talk to me like he has. If he wants this he needs to work to show me. Actions or louder than words.

Well he got the court papers,he was hot. He thought I was joking. Well my kids race cars now he's saying they can't race and he's going to sell their cars. My kids love to race they look forward to it all week. I told him I own half and he can't sell them. The only ones he is hurting is them. They don't even want to see him now cause they feel like he cares more about his girlfreinds kids then them. I don't know what to do.

What you have to do is be stronger than you have ever been, and stick to your plan.

Nobody said it would be easy, and you will have major doubts along the way, and no doubt he'll want to stop you. This situation was not caused by you; he is seeing that you have a backbone, and you are getting on with your life.

What worries me is that he was arrested after the last big argument, and he has a problem controlling his temper. I don't know what went on there, but you are vunerable when things finally sink in with him that you are serious, and you are moving on without him.

He's going to show his anger because he has lost control. Now he has nothing to lose because you've actually left, so be careful.

Now that you have a lawyer, I suggest that any and all information be relayed through him. Let your husband know that he is not to come around, or text, or contact you in any way, unless it is through the lawyer.

It is better for the kids, and you, that you do not answer his text messages, and his phone calls. Him being served papers pobably does not convince him- yet, that you are serious. They are only papers.

Stay strong and be careful.

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Originally Posted by Jake2008

What you have to do is be stronger than you have ever been, and stick to your plan.

Nobody said it would be easy, and you will have major doubts along the way, and no doubt he'll want to stop you. This situation was not caused by you; he is seeing that you have a backbone, and you are getting on with your life.

What worries me is that he was arrested after the last big argument, and he has a problem controlling his temper. I don't know what went on there, but you are vunerable when things finally sink in with him that you are serious, and you are moving on without him.

He's going to show his anger because he has lost control. Now he has nothing to lose because you've actually left, so be careful.

Now that you have a lawyer, I suggest that any and all information be relayed through him. Let your husband know that he is not to come around, or text, or contact you in any way, unless it is through the lawyer.

It is better for the kids, and you, that you do not answer his text messages, and his phone calls. Him being served papers pobably does not convince him- yet, that you are serious. They are only papers.

Stay strong and be careful.

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I don't have a lawyer,I just went to the court house for custdy and child support. He came by today saying he made a big mistake and she was not worth all that has happened. I told him when he's ready to grow up and act like the man I fell in love with then maybe we can talk. Right now he's in shock,and I feel he needs to take a long look at his life.

It's good that you have taken moves for child support, good for you!

AND, I agree with you in keeping him at arm's length so he can fully realize what he has done. Let HIM offer solutions, and have him SHOW you what he is willing and capable of doing to try to get the marriage back on track.

You are in a position where you can really make decisions here that, if they pay off, he will have shown you by what he does, that he is seriously about his marriage and family.

Talk is cheap.

Oh course he is regreting what he did most likely because he knows he going have to pay child support and I am sure his mistress wasn't to please.

Handle everything through court if he can't act civil and bring up the race cars at your divorce hearing.

No matter what stay strong and determine.

Fawn I hope you get this message... go to the website narcissismcured.com there is a couple named kim and steve cooper who have been through this and can help... I believe in their program and am studying it now and it seems to be working! Do not leave yet... I know this is contrary to what everyone says but just try this and pray... this man you married is a human being ans is lost right now... you have to be strong now and take a stand against letting anything destroy your marriage... this will be the toughest thing you will ever have to go through but you will succeed if it is what you want... sometimes you will wonder why you want it and you may in the end move on, but you cannot do this now as you are still attached to him and it is not the time... check out that site and of course everyone will say leave him it is easy for them they don't have anything invested and have no love for him etc... let these people be your strength and give your ego a boost as it is surely shredded but always follow YOUR HEART and make your own decisions when your ready... right now you don't want to let go so you need to learn the techniques necessary to deal with this lost husband so he can be found... dont give your man to that woman! And don't forget to pray... this is your chance to have faith and get to know God... how bad do you want this? Are you ready to be a better person? Go for it... anything is possible and there are many woman who stay with their cheating men... hillary clinton, jackie o, who else, and many men who do the same... we are flesh and tempted all of us for flesh and ego gratification... if God can forgive him so can you and your kids will learn how couples stick together and succeed through obstacles... it won't be easy... life just isn't.

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Originally Posted by fawn 1

so how do I leave? We have 4 kids, I don't make enough to move out. I still love him and I know he loves me(tells me). He still flirts with me, talks to me about stuff. He just leaves every night for awhile to see her. Im lost I don't know what to do. Me fighting is only pushing him away. Mabe I should act like it don't bother me, then it would make him think. He keeps asking if im talking to anyone. Help anyone.

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Love youreself look deep inside of youreself and ask why am I letting someone else control my emotions and feelings in this way you re worth more believe me