Ask Me Help Desk - Physical Attraction

Ok look. I met him last year but he only started to like me 3 weeks or so ago by his admission.
He is my friend but I was never attracted to him but I thought I would just get to know him. After a couple of weeks he made it clear he was convinced I should be his wife.
I told him straight that he is not my type and I am not attracted to him at all, I had to tell him.

We are in our 30's. He is generous which is nice and to cut a long story short I had to tell him emphatically to stop paying for my purchases, the last time whilst at the till. He is very generous but I asked him if he thought what he was doing was foolish and that I did not like it but he still kept trying. Anyway, he said its because he loves me and its just for this month.

At that point I felt I was getting close but made sure to remind him that I was 'not sure', do not have the desire and we will see.

Then today I had enough so I met him at his shop to see him and say hello for 2 minutes then I realised this has to stop.

I am not attracted to him, seeing him then just confirmed it, and I told him in a text that I am not interested in getting to know him as my husband (about an hour ago).

I felt liberated and relieved to say the least.

His response was 'God Bless You'...

Actually the whole time we were speaking I told him that although he is nice etc I do not have peace about it and that I am not his wife.

Unfortunately at one point I did tell him I thought I was falling in love and that he is very kind, gentleman etc, but I almost felt forced to say this cause at the same time I was telling him I do not feel that peace in my heart.

So, why is it that I am only ever approached by the wrong men? I get so fed up and almost loose any hope. I give them a chance but because I feel obligated to and I am so tired of that.

There you go.

I think people sense a niceness in people and those who wish to be in charge, control, seek out nice people and it doesn't always end well. They are aware the nice people aren't going to scream - in their faces - "Leave me alone."

My impression is that you are the type of girl that always wants to please, and doesn't like to hurt anyone's feelings, to your own detriment, and at your own expense.

This can be a good quality, but can also be a bad one. I know, because I am one of those people, and it can really cause you a lot of pain if you're not careful.

You should never be with a man because you feel obligated. It only causes bad feelings when the going gets rough.

I don't think he is being honest with you when he says he only started liking you 3 weeks ago. There is something wrong with that picture. I think either he just didn't want to admit that he liked you all along, or that maybe he is the type to make quick decisions without thinking them through, and that isn't a good quality. Three weeks is a VERY short amount of time for him to be thinking of you as his "wife", or for you to be thinking of him as your "husband". People have to get to know the ins and outs before that's even a thought!

Could you be mistaking "kind and caring" for needy? I'm also curious to know why after only 3 weeks, why you would even be talking about the subject or possibility of marriage with him? I don't mean this to sound cruel, but could it be that you are both needy people, and are just willing to settle?

I think at the most, at this point anyway, that you should make it clear, as it sounds you may have done already, that you are not ready for that kind of relationship with him. You could possibly remain friends, but make it very clear, so he has no other expectations, that it is all it would be unless and until you have a change of heart, but don't lead him on, or give him mixed signals!

He got his expectations up when you said you thought you were falling in love with him. Never do that, unless you are absolutely sure. People get hurt in the process, and he might not believe the things you say, even as friends.

Anyway, Talaniman made a good point. Friendship is more appropriate not marriage. I'm just going to leave it alone. I feel much better now reflecting and looking back. I always felt uncomfortable unattracted.

You just look at all the qualities and think 'will I ever meet a man who is good looking and does all of that?'

Quote:

I ever meet a man who is good looking and does all of that?'

Sure you will, especially when your busy building a life that you enjoy, and love yourself enough to be happy, just with you.

Someone will want to share it with you. Many as a matter of fact, case in point, your present situation. Just a preview.

Quote:

Originally Posted by breathless1

Anyway, Talaniman made a good point. Friendship is more appropiate not marriage. I'm jsut going to leave it alone. I feel much better now reflecting and looking back. I always felt uncomfortable unattracted.

You just look at all the qualities and think 'will I ever meet a man who is good looking and does all of that?'

I did - and I looked for a long time. And I will also say the first time I met my husband I thought he was one of the most attractive men I had ever seen and couldn't believe he was also funny and charming and, most importantly, kind and caring. I kept waiting for his true personality to surface, but that WAS his true personality.

So, yes, there are men out there who have it all. You just have to keep looking and not settle for less.

(And over the years I sure kissed a lot of toads!)

I did. I fell in love with the person and after that the body was no longer an issue for my because in my eyes he was beautiful all around.