Originally Posted by
talaniman
Hi guy, I can certainly appreciate the questions in your mind, and the confusion and frustration of your situation.
I think you start with relaxing for a minute and getting YOURSELF under control as your fear is very noticeable in your responses. I will keep it simple.
You have made her own behavior a cause for over thinking and reacting since basically it involves a schedule-expectations adjustment, and just me, when I went thru something similar, simply backed off and let my wife have her full head of steam for what she wanted, and how she wanted it done. This is a time you cannot change or control her, NOR should you try, since if you stop being so scared of losing her, and stop trying to figure things out and fix things, I think you focus on you, what YOU do and what you have to do and let her fix herself. Thats the way I have always dealt with my own wife of 37 years.
Where I drew the line was if the b1tchin' was aimed at me about what my wife thought I should be doing and how. "Don't like the way I do it.............do it your damn self!" So get the fear under control, because its one thing to worry till they get home, and quite another to project your own fear into the situation.
I am old school, and think a man should lead by example without the fear, and to an extent, you have done an excellent job, but now as she feels her oats, LET HER. Its only a conflict if you make it one, so lets not get in the weeds and the whole cheating thing and off on tangents that makes you get carried away by fear, and fail to adjust yourself, your attitude, and thoughts and actions. Don't let words be the buttons she can push to keep you off balance. Get out of self and the BS you allow yourself to sink to in a selfish, self serving, way to justify her being wrong, and you being right because it really doesn't matter.
All that really matters is you be a great parent for all your kids as their is plenty of time to have conflicts and get divorces and the rest of the crap that reality throws at you. Until it happens, don't get down about it. That only magnifies fear and tension (PANIC).
For whatever reasons the communications has broken down, accept she is NOT like you, nor will she deal with things as you do, and give her room with your actions to have the time for her own adjustments to surface. For now do nothing but stay off the pity pot, and pay attention, and lead your family down the path of Good Orderly Direction, and let her catch up.
Until you develop good communications again, let your actions speak for you, so be reasonable and responsible before you take actions. There was no need for her to know you talked to your pastor, and to be honest, a phone call before just popping in would have saved you a disappointment. And never ever say anything bad about mama to a child and only age appropriate things are allowed. Don't know how to answer a question from a child? Keep it simple and general and positive, and honest.
Bottom line, you are both young and learning as you go, and my advice right now is stop whining and crying and cope with controlling yourself because you never will control her, and to be frank, its stupid to try. If it ain't perfect, change YOURSELF. She works, you work, and any body can have a bad day, and need to unwind. You want a family to come home too, and a cocktail before dinner? Then make enough loot she can sit home and kiss your butt, after all day with 3 kids.
All it takes is patients and some cool, calm, self control. And the courage to do the right thing for your family. When she can't, make sure you can. LOL, my fishing and hunting trips were 3 days to a week, and the wife was on her own until came back. She doesn't clean fish, I don't do windows. It is what it is, deal with it.
Or don't.
Now what do YOU want to do, and don't mention her at all?
