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I'm listening to all advice. I can't really tell your age. All I know is that I am thankful for the advice you guys have given.
Thanks joypulv, I have realized that I'm on her turf now. She calls the shots and It's her terms that we go by.Quote:
Originally Posted by joypulv
No problem
Right now she refuses to even talk about marriage counselling or getting any outside help. That's why I ask you guys to try and find the right steps that need to be taken until I am able to get her there.Quote:
Originally Posted by dontknownuthin
Just curious how old are you?Quote:
Originally Posted by Mattdyd10003
Off topic but do you see hope in me now?
Just wondering does this matter.
Honestly I'm in high school. But just follow your heart it will lead you to the right place. If
I was just curious.Quote:
Originally Posted by Mattdyd10003
Well, I can say this she is checking on you of course. That's what Im saying about always asking questions. Like where are you, what time you coming home, who are you with, are you cheating on me again. So on... It will be like that for yrs if she takes you back in time.Quote:
QUOTE by krazyfas;
Thanks for the advice. I have cut all contact with all friends that would lead me into something misschieovous. I have no female friends not a single one. My work place is full of girls and I can honestly say that they all hate me. They think I'm stuck up and that I think I'm too good for them. Even though they all know I am only looking to receive another chance with my wife... I feel like her asking me if I still love her was an attempt to try to let me back in her heart. Now I'm just assuming here so don't jump all over me but that's just the feeling I got. She also asks me all the time "are you seeing anyone?" "are you sleeping with anyone else?" I'm pretty sure its because she doesn't want to lose me either but can't really forgive me fully yet. What are your thoughts??
Just take things slow, to me it seems like your also loving the challenge, and the chase. Becareful with that I know how you men work. ; )
Also stop analizeing everything.
HAHA I do love the challenge and the chase. But I do love her with all my heart and that's what has got me this far. If I didn't love her I would have given up right away.
If she has decided she's done with the marriage, you have to accept her word on this and move forward with the divorce. Do not make the mistake many divorcing parties do though and turn her into an enemy in the process. Focus on doing what is fair for both of you and do as much as you can to provide financial support to she and the child and to remain involved in the child's life.
You cannot work at a relationship with a person who does not want the relationship. I do get the impression that you are very sensitive to any criticism and also quick to deflect advice. For example, she may be interested in counseling but perhaps doesn't like how you have approached her about something else. Maybe she doesn't feel your apologies have been sincere - who knows. Relationships are complex. But if she truly doesn't want to go to counseling, wants a divorce, doesn't want to work on the relationship - well, you have your answer. Move forward with a divorce then and try to keep it friendly.
She may not be interested in counseling but she has shown interest in keeping a good relationship with me. Lately I noticed a 180 degree turn when it comes to her attitude towards me. So I see a lot of work to be done but also I see like she's more willing to work on our marriage.Quote:
Originally Posted by dontknownuthin
I need some input on this... My wife and I were going to meet up. She does't let me know she's outside and I spot the car... I walk over and realize she's so in to her text message that she doesn't notice I'm next to the car. I look at whose the person she's texting and it was the other guy she was seeing. I didn't bring it up or say anything and got in the car and acted normal. We then later got hot and heavy and with no condom or birth control she asked me to "finish" inside of her. I did as she asked and she was happy and full of smiles. But here's the thing when we first separated she had said to me that if I were to ever get her pregnant again she would come back to me and try to do everything possible to save our marriage. NOW is this what she's trying to do OR is she just playing with me??
If you continually need strangers online to interpret every move she makes, you are in serious trouble - or you are just enjoying this and bordering on being a troll.
I don't even believe that you could see who she was texting while sitting in her car, much less also not be noticed.
I just need an outside unbiased party to help me interpret certain things that I would interpret wrongfully. Trust me when I tell you that this is true. She was so focused on that txt that I was able to sneak up on her like that. It also might have helped that it was at night and its not very well light in my workplaces parking lot. But I do need some advice on her decision to go COMPLETELY AGAINST WHAT SHE HAD SAID ORIGINALLY ABOUT NOT WANTING TO GET PREGNANT...Quote:
Originally Posted by joypulv
Hey don't throw her under the bus you are the one who wants to get back together. I don't even think you should have slept with her so soon. Plus it has been a while you should be fine with out us now.
My wife and I separated about 5-6 months ago. I have been fighting for her since day one of our separation. But I feel like everything I do usually ends up falling apart because of something stupid. She had asked me for an official divorce about 2 weeks ago. Then a few days later (2 days later) she asks if I still loved her and she said she would always be mine etc... We did really good for a week and had great communication but then I started to notice shady behavior.. I called her out on it and it has gotten to the point where she no longer communicates with me regularly nor seems as excited to speak to me.
I know she loves me and deep down she wishes it would somehow work out for us but I just don't know how to get us there...
PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE HELP ME SAVE MY MARRIAGE!!
What's with her "shady behavior" and wishy-washiness? It doesn't sound like she is committed to you.
We had established a really good connection. I could tell she was excited to see me she wanted to spend time with me all was well and all of a sudden it changed. I just don't know what the change was. The shady behavior is her always saying, "I can't talk right now". "I'm going out with my mom and sister". When her mom has two jobs and she loves staying at home. I feel like they are all excuses and she always has "something that comes up". For example she says "i don't have minutes" but calls me the next day ( we both have t-mobile so its free for us to call each other, I just called her out on it the other day). Or "I dont have any txt msgs left" but she has unlimited text messages. Then the next day she texts me. I don't know why she lies but then goes against what she has already said.
Since we are separated (not legally just living apart) she's dating this other guy (she won't admitt to it because she doesn't want our families to know what she's up to, but she has admitted to it before she just changes her story every so often). The thing with that is that even though she's dating this guy (he used to be a mutual friend) she is still sleeping with me. So technically she is cheating on him. Which was the reason why we separated. I know that they keep close contact but the other guy doesn't.
Its really complicated but it was working just fine. I don't know why she changed with me all of a sudden..
So she is sleeping with you and another guy, blatantly lies about all sorts of stuff, and you want to save this marriage?
It sounds absolutely crazy but I love her to death!! I cheated on her also and She forgave me several times. I feel like she's trying to retaliate but she still loves me I know she does. Other wise she wouldn't have told me that she would always be mine.Quote:
Originally Posted by Wondergirl
What is she doing to "get you there"?
What do you want from her? Total commitment? An open marriage?
Well she had never expressed herself like that since june/july when we started to have issues. She would rarely let me touch her and we would rarely ever keep a conversation. But when she said she would always be mine we started to head in the right direction. She did warn me though that I needed to keep my guard up in case we didn't work out.Quote:
Originally Posted by Wondergirl
What do you want from her? Total commitment? An open marriage?
I would love TOTAL commitment... I at first refused marriage counseling when she wanted to go. I would love it if we went but now she refuses to go. I just feel stuck. We start to do well then I feel that she wants to keep playing w two guys.Quote:
Originally Posted by Wondergirl
My suggestion is to file for divorce and do No Contact. Totally.
Wouldn't her pride just get in the way? What if she just says the hell with it and goes through with it? I don't want to regret anything later :(Quote:
Originally Posted by Wondergirl
You're not getting anywhere now. Okay, first ask her to reconsider getting couples counseling. If she says no, then tell her you are going to file for divorce.
You really do need to set boundaries. So far, she is walking all over you like a fuzzy doormat. Unless... you are okay with the current arrangement for her sleeping with whomever and doing a booty call with you when she feels like she wants to ring your bell. If that's the case, just keep on keeping on.
Is there anything else I can do that doesn't have to file for divorce? Like maybe move away and limit certain things? I can't do no contact. We have a 2 yr old sonQuote:
Originally Posted by Wondergirl
You need to set boundaries. No Contact except for discussion about the son. Anything else -- no. Getting a legal separation and moving away might help. Do you live together now?
We currently live separately. She is going to move in with her friend and I just got kicked out of my parents place. So I was thinking of moving about 2 hours away.Quote:
Originally Posted by Wondergirl
Can you give me more examples on the boundries I should limit. I feel so confused I don't even know where to start sometimes were fine and others its just awkward. Im also going to mention that she had said that she wanted to be more sexually active with me but didn't want to get pregnant. And last week we were having unprotected sex and she asked me to finish inside of her. I didn't question her and did as she asked. At that moment I felt like she changed a little with me.
Please give some background -- how are are the two of you, how did you meet, how long married, etc.
I think this will explain a lot... It's a previous post of mineQuote:
Originally Posted by Wondergirl
https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...ed-715670.html
I think the two of you are playing games with each other.
I think she's the one playing games. I'm serious when I say I'm willing to try whatever to fix this. She accused me of not being a forgiving person but all these games she's playing with me are proof that I can forgive. Even though I cheated first it doesn't give her the right to treat me this way.Quote:
Originally Posted by Wondergirl
So how do I take control of this situation that's getting out of hand?
I don't think you can. I get no sign that she is serious about committing to you. And if you get her pregnant, so what?Quote:
Originally Posted by krazyfas
Well when we initially separated she kept telling me to pull out because she didn't want to get pregnant(we have never liked using condoms but she isn't on birth control either, and abortion is against our religion). But she would also say that if she were to get pregnant she would try to fix things with me so that there wouldn't be 2 children being raised in a broken home. That's why I got my hopes up.Quote:
Originally Posted by Wondergirl
She asks me if I still love her then tells me that she will always be mine. 2 days later she asks me to not pull out. It just doesn't add up to me..
Is she having a hard time letting go but isn't sure if she wants to stay?
And what kind of sex is she having with the other guy(s)?
That I am not aware of but if I know my wife she would use a condom. To this day she claims to not have sex with anyone but me. In a way I kind of believe her she seems so sincere when she says it but I have serious doubts that that's the case.Quote:
Originally Posted by Wondergirl
And she may not be insisting on a condom or using any birth control with the other guy(s). You may end up with paternity problems if she has another baby, which leads to support and visitation, and if the second child belongs to another guy, you'll have all kinds of fun.
That's the one thing I WILL NOT FORGIVE is If she has another mans child.Quote:
Originally Posted by Wondergirl
Now I purchased a ring for her that was going to signify our new beginning. At first she turned it down but then later she would go through my phone just to look at it and say its so pretty. She hasn't don't that lately but should I wait this out a little longer and try to present it to her or should I just try to get my money back?
She goes through your phone?
Yeah she lost all trust in me when she found out about my infidelity. So I let her go through my phone/emails/wallet just to prove I'm not hiding anything from her and that I'm serious about my marriage.Quote:
Originally Posted by Wondergirl
NO! You do NOT allow her to go through your phone, etc. -- personal stuff -- or give her any passwords. If she has any, change them. Now! Boundary time.
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