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Originally Posted by JudyKayTee

This is very incorrect legal advice - a wife is NOT entitled to half of anything which is solely in her husband's name UNLESS/UNTIL there is a Court Order to that effect.

If you have law to the contrary, please post it.

In NY this would be fraud and is a felony. I am not aware that the law is different in any other State.

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I'm in New Mexico and we are a 50/50 state. All you need to do here is prove marriage. When a court gets involved it is automatically half. If say a car is in one name only that person has to either sell it and give half the proceeds to the other or pay the other half the value. That's why I said Im not sure where she is. I

New Mexico Divorce Source: State Divorce Laws: New Mexico

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Originally Posted by mrshodges

I do not know where you are from but most places are 50/50. I wold find the bank accout take your marriage license and withdraw half. You are in your right to. Please don't stay and risk your emotional health. i hope everything works out for you.

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There is so much about this post that I disagree with, I don't know where to start. First off, I don't know the law, don't really care. For you to instruct this woman to go withdraw HALF of this man's assets is just plain spiteful. And who are we to advise this woman to leave her husband in the first place? Based on what we have been given, there is nothing here that can't be worked out. Divorce should be the last option.

We should try to be a little more compassionate about other people's lives. Especially when there are children involved.

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Originally Posted by mrshodges

I do not know where you are from but most places are 50/50. I wold find the bank account take your marriage license and withdraw half. You are in your right to. Please don't stay and risk your emotional health. i hope everything works out for you.

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That would be a very irresponsible and underhanded thing to do. There are ways to settle situations without resorting to what is basically theft/underhandedness and drama

mrshodges, I think you missed the part about the COURT stepping in if the couple can't reach an agreement (it is plainly stated in the link you provided). Even then, there are exceptions to what is counted as joint property. If she tried to touch it before a court order gave her permission, she would probably be in serious legal trouble.

jmjoseph, the more I read the op's posts, the more I think she has been playing a waiting game of staying until the children are grown.

hurtmum, I have read your post about your son and I think you have a lot on your plate. Not just the teens at home, but him and your husband are not making life any easier.

Unfortunately, I think you need to add one more thing, consulting a lawyer. I am concerned that your husband may be waiting for the children to be grown before he disappears and won't have to worry about child support. I think you also need to consult one about your son and what your responsibilities are as parents and 'landlords' if your son is still using drugs.

I am going to make another suggestion of on-line classes if attending school is not feasible. I believe in continuing education whether it is for a job or just for yourself. As I have told my children, if I am not willing to learn, why should they.

Nope, they are not. Just so I understand (and I'm in NY) - in Canada if you have an account in your individual name your husband can take your marriage certificate, go into the bank, and withdraw HALF of the money, even though he's not "on" the account?

YIKES!

Everybody has given me food for thought. I would not stoop to his level and remove funds from the bank account , that would solve nothing, maybe make matters worse. This is not new in our marriage and I have dealt with it throughout the years. Have I stayed for my kids, you bet I have. Was it the best decision, that I'm not sure as my kids have seen and heard a lot maybe to their detriment. I did what I thought was the best for them at the time. I struggle everyday wondering if I made the right decisions in the past.

This is a total misunderstanding of NM law - if a COURT gets involved it's 50/50 (perhaps). There is nothing in ANY State that I can find that indicates what belongs to one party in one party's name belongs to BOTH parties - or, minimally, half to the other party.

Again - this question is not concerning what a Court will or won't order. It's a matter of law.

Bad legal advice.

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Originally Posted by hurtmum

Everybody has given me food for thought. i would not stoop to his level and remove funds from the bank account , that would solve nothing, maybe make matters worse. This is not new in our marriage and i have dealt with it throughout the years. Have i stayed for my kids, you bet i have. Was it the best decision, that i'm not sure as my kids have seen and heard a lot maybe to their detriment. I did what i thought was the best for them at the the time. I struggle everyday wondering if i made the right decisions in the past.

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You made the best choices you thought for them at the time. Don't beat yourself up.
You do what you need to do for you based on today.

I hope my boys see it that way. It seems like sometimes they don't have respect for me because I've never come to my own defense or theirs. As much as I've emphasized that a lot they have seen happen between my husband and myself that woman should be treated with respect. I'm very worried that as boys they haven't had a positive role model and they will repeat the same behavior with their own partners.

What ever you decide to do, sit your sons down and talk to them. You never know what they think or how they have seen things unless you talk to them.
My ex and I both talked to our daughter who is an adult now, but we told her what was going on and she told us what she thought of it all.
The three of us are on good teams with each other so things do work themselves out, and they will for you as well.
Talk to your kids.

I hve spoken with a Canadian Attorney friend - it is NOT true that an account in one person's name can be accessed in Canada by the other person by showing a copy of the marriage certificate. Separate property remains separate property.

Of course, a Court could decide to the contrary - but that is not what we are talking about here.

(Note to Jake: Tell him he'll have to rent.)

That's why I said I don't know where she is. I'm not good at searching the law stuff but, when my husband divorced his first wife they had a joint account and he had a separate one with just his name. We had to take the divorce papers to the bank so that she could no longer have acess to the accout with just his name on it. That's how I found out about it. I didn't mean to make any of you mad. I hope every thing works out for you.