Ask Me Help Desk - Should I tell my husband of my one night stand

Quote:

Originally Posted by Justwantfair

You work harder when you are married... the longer the time together the better you know each other and the more routine your life can become.

You work for fresh and new, but you have to work for it all the time. Once it becomes routine and your relationship is subconscience, that is when you are most vulnerable to being taken and taking things for granted.

We get that you understand and accept responsibility, but you are dwelling TOO hard on it. It's been five months, you surely have made some progress I would hope, you can not let this consume you because it will damage you and your marriage.

Justwantfair, it has got a little easier, I'm still not eating and dropped a lot in weight, plus I've just been made redundant so my confidence is at rock bottom as you can imagine. I couldn't stand it now if my marriage went. Some days I cling to tablets and consider taking them to end the hurt and pain inside of me

Quote:

Originally Posted by imtryingsohard

justwantfair, it has got a little easier, im still not eating and dropped alot in weight, plus ive just been made redundant so my confidence is at rock bottom as you can imagine. I couldnt stand it now if my marriage went. Some days i cling to tablets and consider taking them to end the hurt and pain inside of me

All right... this thread has gone on long enough. GET OVER IT! What's done is done. Seriously... you are drowning in your own tears, and for what? This marriage isn't going to get any better by constantly guilt tripping yourself to death. When is enough... enought??

If you can't face this, than get some professional help...

Wow harsh, sorry il leave you in peace, I'm sorry

Yeah... do that... get back onto your pity horse! You haven't murdered anyone... what you did, although bad, is common. Don't put yourself on the electric chair over it...

I'm not pitying myself, I have no right to pity myself just for the record, I have done a very bad thing and just wanted some advice

We have given you great advice, or, about as good as you can get... for free. I worry, however, that you are digging a grave for yourself. It is fine to feel remorseful, but don't start thinking you are a horrible person, or anything like that... you are human!

Quote:

Originally Posted by imtryingsohard

im not pitying myself, i have no right to pity myself just for the record, i have done a very bad thing and just wanted some advice

I think what some people are trying to say is that its time to stop punishing yourself and begin to rebuild your relationship.That is where your efforts should be at this time,for all concerned,that is best.
Beating yourself up is a self destructive cycle that gets you no where.
Be pro active,get back to your life and forget the past.

I'm trying to believe that I'm not a bad person and that I've made a huge mistake, I just don't know how I'm going to shake the guilt off

Get off here and stop analyzing, you are dwelling on here, but you already have the answer you were looking for, you have to first forgive yourself and then determine whether it is necessary to hurt your husband with the truth.

Get off this thread, all you have done in the last ten posts is pity yourself, you need to refocus.

After reading most of these posts, I have to rescind my original statement.

Quote:

Originally Posted by imtryingsohard

believe me i have learnt a valuable lesson, i love my husband so much and looking back i dont understand how i could have done that to him.
I just want to erase the past and get on with our new life in the sun.
Im trying to forgive myself, as if im eating myself up everyday with guilt then im not going to be able to work on my marriage?

How can any lesson be learned if you don't understand why cheated in the first place? You ain't foolin' anyone, you haven't learned a thing. You only realize now, after you slept with this guy, that you made a mistake; my 3 year old niece could tell you that.

Forgiving someone else is a lot easier than forgiving yourself. It requires a lot of self-introspection and time alone.

And given your obvious misery, whether you tell your husband doesn't matter at this point, he's going to know something is wrong, and it'll eventually come out. You're better off telling him up front and respecting his intellegence (notice I didn't say feelings). Realize if he asks you a question and you tell him you're okay, you're calling him a moron.

Your only shot at repairing your marriage is understanding why you cheated, you won't get the answer over night and probably not in 2009. But at any rate, forgetting about it is not an option, hating yourself or that lucky guy is not an option, and above all lying to your husband is not an option. If you deal with this is a mature manner, you're husband will have no choice but to respect you.

What is done, is done. If you really regret what you did than stop killing yourself.I don't want to ever be in the place of your husband but what happened, happened and you don't have that power to go back in time and fix it.so nothing you can do.just try to be faithfull to him for the rest of your life.

If you feel guilty it means you are a human.a real problem would be if you didn't feel guilty. So you are not a such horrible person as you imagine yourself.

And do not get drunk anymore or you are going to end up doing anything else. I could have done it too if I got drunk. But I never drink and I'm a guy.so better not to drink.

Take care and be faithfull from now on.