Ask Me Help Desk - Not attracted to my husband

I agree with mrsstevens...
The most you might want to get your hopes up for is a choice between
... truck or camper?

I can understand the 'you find him repulsive' yet he isn't ugly.
You need to look deeper and pin point exactly why it is YOU FEEL this way.

Ask yourself is it you? Your attitude? Are you miserable with yourself or your life and taking it out on him?

Is it little ways he has about him and his personality? Is there something about him that you feel is embarrassing to you?

After you soul search and figure out all angles of what makes you feel this way work on yourself where it is you.
Where it is him try to find a way to discuss what the issues are in a way that he feels you are trying to work things out rather than belittle him. For example, say you realize he does things that make you feel embarrassed try telling him something like I think I would feel closer to you but it makes me feel (strange, odd, uncomfortable... ) when you...

Use a lot of I's more than you so he doesn't feel as criticized by your feelings.

Also try emphasizing and reinforcing the positive things about him and it should help your frame of mind.
Try thinking of an ideal relationship with him and how you would go about achieving it.

Also if you leave him, even if you are able to get joint custody your kids could VERY likely resent you and favor him.

Well, if you think your life is going to be peachy after divorce, you have another thing coming. A friend of mine divorced his wife because she cheated and they have small kids. He has often talked about how he hates his life because his kids feel so torn all of the time. They desperately try to get mommy and daddy back together because they don't know why they aren't... they can't... they wouldn't be able to comprehend it. Think of your kids and stop being selfish. How would you feel as a kid if your parents got divorced because mommy thought daddy was ugly. When you love someone, the superficial things don't matter. Why don't you love this man?

Wow... your leaving your husband because your not attracted to him... well hate to be the one to break this to you sport, but people don't stay beautiful forever. Maybe you should have thought about these things before you married him and had 2 kids... now you want it to go as smoothly as possible for the kids- and yet your talking about the camper
You are so superfishal and self centered its not even funny... seriously get your act together

I really think you should think about what you are doing because beauty is skin deep and your husband must really love you to not leave you first knowing that you are not attracted to him anymore.Ask yourself would a more attractive man love you as he does love your kids as he does,maybe but maybe not but are you willing to risk your kids future sleeping with a hunk and him not loving you because he loves himself more.

Quote:

Originally Posted by mlp5773

I am in a marriage in which I am not attracted to my husband. Although I have stuck it out for 7 years, I have hit my breaking point. I have talked to a counselor, friends, and family, and they agree it is best to leave. Although my husband is aware that I am not attracted to him, he is unaware that I am looking at leaving. I want to be prepared for the big day, as we have two children, and I want this to be as smooth as possible for them. My biggest concern right now--we cannot afford to keep our truck and camper, so how do I go about getting rid of those payments?? Also, we have no equity in our house, so how do I go about selling it?

This is tough for anyone. But, I listen to Dr. Laura. Try it, she's good. What is it that makes you feel this way? Is there anything he can do to make you more attracted to him? Are you sure you're not just making an excuse and it's really because of something else? I mean, 7 years is a long time to all the sudden just be unattracted to someone. Sometimes people aren't that attractive on the outside, but it's what the do on the inside that turns a person on. Does he provide for you and your children? Does he make you smile? Is he a good father? Would he ever lie to you? Would he cheat? If you found yourself saying yes, yes, yes... then you've got a keeper. Sorry, but there are just too many jerks out there and if it's just the physical part of him that's making you leave, that's sad. Some of the more attractive fellas are bigger problems. Ask yourself the more important questions like I listed and listen to your head... some times your heart tells you different. Your head is what will lead you in the right direction and then the heart follows. You'd be amazed.