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Originally Posted by nischintha

Both are different... im mailing my boyfriend since four months.. he isn't responding...

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If he hasn't responded perhaps he is no longer interested. Or is it possible that your parents have taken your mail from him?

You have three choices: 1) stay and marry the man that your parents want you to... you may or may not learn to love him. 2) leave, take a trip, and go see your boyfriend... which may work out, but there is the chance that he is no longer interested. 3) tell your parents that you can not marry anyone right now and give yourself more time to figure out how you can best live the life that YOU want.

Your boyfriend may not be the right man for you either and in time you may meet someone that your parents may approve of as well.

Only you know what the consequences might be for any choice you make. If they are too severe, then you may just have to follow tradition. If not, then now may be the time to speak up and break tradition in your family.

I would like to say just one thing but very important! Before taking any final decision like, 'rejecting the marriage and leaving home to go with your boyfriend or getting married to the one your family have chosen', Please! Please! Make sure that, your boyfriend still have the same feeling for you what you have for him, if you leave everything and go, will he marry you? Is he also serious about this relationship how you are?
Think carefully again! I hope everything become good ASAP in your life.

What about younger sister marry the man,

OK, just a thought.

I guess as everyone else has said,

It is your choice, you can go into parents and tell them no, that you can not marry him. And if still living at home, move out and start your own life.

Or marry someone, and never be happy.

I have been mailing him for de past four months with no response... de prob is he got engaged to a girl... first n then breaked de engagement... before all these finally happened... they got me engaged...

I guess... u all live in abroad.. if I break this marriage my father may eeven murder me... this de truth. He knows I'm not interested..

I told them.. im not interested in it...

I know nischintha, "HONOR KILLING" cases in India, I am Indian too. These things make me sad :(, I know what kind of turmoil you are going through! Did you meet this ''Engineer'' guy? How is he?
I can say one more thing, if you can buy some time from your parents for this marriage and during those time try to contact with your boyfriend, even if you can fly to US to meet him. See if he is really interested in you and marry you, if not then I guess either you go and please your parents or you marry the one you want to. I hope everything gets well with you. Please let us know!

I think you guys are sleeping... no gal shld be in this situation... this ing arranged marriages...

No freedom to do what I wish too... threatened by society ,people ,status and crap

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Originally Posted by nischintha

I guess... u all live in abroad.. if I break this marriage my father may eeven murder me... this de truth. He knows I'm not interested..

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Yes, you are on an international site, so yes, we live abroad, but some are familiar with your problem but if you know the consequences, why are you asking here 'what to do'. We can't stop the inevitable; you either marrry this man, according to your father's wishes, or leave the country and disappear.

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Originally Posted by nischintha

Both are different... im mailing my boyfriend since four months.. he isn't responding...

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What is wrong with phone calls, e mails, skype ?

Did your parents know of your boyfriend? Was he committed to marriage? Did you talk before he left? If you are not ready for marriage to anyone then don't get married and allow yourself to heal from the boyfriend leaving and explain that to your parents as they may well think 4 months is good enough when its NOT.

I can't get you... they know we both are loving for de past three years... I called him through skype.. he didntattend... my parents knew...

Hope u get me.. he went n did engagement n he stopped it... before he couldstop it.. they got me engaged...

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Originally Posted by nischintha

I can't get you... they know we both are loving for de past three years... I called him through skype.. he didntattend... my parents knew...

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Do you not have ANY privacy. You are a professional. An adult.

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Originally Posted by nischintha

I think you guys are sleeping... no gal shld be in this situation... this ing arranged marriages...

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If you already know that ' no girl should be in this situation', then what are you waiting for? Just do what you can and think is right for you? Why you are taking your frustration on us, we are empathizing and taking our time to understand your situation and replying to you. We are not forcing you to marry anyone, its them your parents, so please! In this same temper tell your parents, may be they'll get it.

As adults there is rarely an answer that will make everyone happy... so we have to make the best decision we can... usually the one we can live with... and accept some people will not be happy.

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Originally Posted by nischintha

I think you guys are sleeping... no gal shld be in this situation... this ing arranged marriages...

No freedom to do what I wish too... threatened by society ,people ,status and crap

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So what do you want us to say?

You think we are sleeping ! How so ?

You haven't said anything new in about four pages.

GET off your butt and leave for pastures that are more suitable for you. You are an intelligent woman, put your thinking cap on and don't leave it all up to strangers.

Is your life in danger if you don't follow through with this marriage? I know from Indian coworkers that people in rural areas are much more conservative than in the cities. Can you move to a city and find a job?

Hi nischintha, I understand you completely. My native place is Madurai and I know how in the name of tradition people live a lie. I think you must listen to your heart and do as it says. People india in general think that if you are above 20 you must get married and most marriages are arranged, which makes it even more ridiculous. And that is the reason for the increasing divorce rate. Please don't make the same mistake I did. Go on leave the country ( I wonder why joypulv's answer didn't convince you), be with your boyfriend, try to work it out. If he proves to be a scum, amputate that relationship and move on. One life! Be honest to yourself and live a meaningful life.