Ask Me Help Desk - A messed up situation.

HG, I never understand why people in problem relationships handle it one of two ways - get married (like that will solve anything), buy a house (go figure) or have a child (misery loves company).

No matter what else is going on OP is unhappy and needs to get out WITH her child before she's affected by this situation.

I would have been gone when I found out about the husband's "whoses" (not my word). I trust everyone has been tested?

Apparently I can't tell the difference between and 3, nor can I spell "whores."

- Yes, I realized it but, alas, too late!

I look at this a little differently and maybe, after reading this thread, I see I'm in the minority here most likely.

I can understand the "I heart you lion" comment as really being nothing too major. I have a female friend who is the best friend I could ever have wished for. Always there for me if I need her, intelligent, considerate... anyway, we have been friends for almost 10 years now. She is married, I am married. We expect nothing of each other in the way of romance... we are friends and nothing more... never were and never will be. I tell her I love her... because, well, because I do love her. I am not IN LOVE with her but I do LOVE her. She is important to me and matters to me much like a sister would matter to me. So I tell her I love her and she tells me the same but that's all it is and I see nothing wrong with it. Of course, in this situation, I am fully aware of the circumstances and know that there are no romantic feelings beyond our friendship. So I may be wrong but the "I heart you lion" comment doesn't seem like that big of a deal to me unless there is more to it.

What does get to me is his reaction given what he has done in the past. I consider some of this a little shady and have to wonder what he is really up to. Talking to a "whore"... giving rides to women because the friend asked for it... I would say he's up to something and just blowing up at you for saying that to cover himself.

So yeah, I think he over-reacted, you did nothing wrong, and there is an underlying reason for his reaction.

I see the difference as your friend being a real life friend. I see this as an Internet friend.

Different?

Quote:

Originally Posted by JudyKayTee

I see the difference as your friend being a real life friend. I see this as an Internet friend.

Different?

I guess it could be... I'm not sure. I mean, to me, it all matters what the intentions are behind what is said and done. For me and her, I know there is nothing there. For the OP, I can't say that. Him being online may not matter as long as they have no romantic intentions... if that makes sense at all.

Odinn, I can completely understand what you are saying and would totally agree with you.

But the fact that the OP is trying her hardest to make up excuses as to why it was okay for her to say "I heart you lion" is what rubs me wrong.

If were nothing she wouldn't have to bring up all of his faults and she would feel confident that it means nothing. She wouldn't be seeking advice from complete strangers.

But this is all my own opinion.

Quote:

Originally Posted by busymomma2013

Odinn, I can completely understand what you are saying and would totally agree with you.

But the fact that the OP is trying her hardest to make up excuses as to why it was okay for her to say "I heart you lion" is what rubs me wrong.

If were nothing she wouldn't have to bring up all of his faults and she would feel confident that it means nothing. She wouldn't be seeking advice from complete strangers.

But this is all my own opinion.

I understand that point of view as well.

Understand this... I am not saying anyone was wrong here in the way they answered. Actually, there were some really good answers here that I had not even considered. I was just adding from my point of view just for a different perspective on it all.

I have a problem with his behavior too Odin, I mean why guilt a partner with your insecurity over such a harmless thing unless he himself has some guilt? Or as she has said just many personal issues himself.

I think it's HIS problem, NOT HERS MYSELF. The issue becomes how to help my partner deal with his issues so she(he) understands its no big deal.

I understand.

I think the OP has left the building but I agree with BusyMomma. I've been in the investigative business too long. If this had been "I did this and it meant nothing and my husband blew up" I'd be 100% on OP's side (if there are sides). What throws me is "I did this BUT my husband did that."

I think it's a bad relationship on many levels, and if OP developed a fondness, a relationship, somethng else, because she's lonely or neglected, I get that. I don't get sending the child off when the parents fight and staying in a relationship, unhappy.

Wonder if OP can support herself and her child - ? Is that part of the problem?

'Wonder if OP can support herself and her child - ? Is that part of the problem?'

I think it's part of the problem - he has told her that he doesn't want her to work. The years are going to go by and she will have no skills, and won't be able to leave, at least it will get harder and harder.
He and she need to TALK. She needs to say what her needs are, and if they include getting out of the house to a job, so that she isn't on her computer hearting lions, she should say so, and convince him that he needs to compromise.