I'M BACK!
You are doing it again. By 'it' I mean you are dwelling on her rather than yourself. It doesn't matter that her mother might be influencing her - her mother, her friends, everyone she knows, all of them are probably telling her to leave you, for the simple reason that you don't deserve her, based on your cheating.

That is what is hopeless about you. You don't seem to get that this is all your fault. You don't get that you are now below zero and have to fight really, really hard just to get back to zero, and getting into positive territory is even harder. You may lose. Once someone realizes they can get along without you, everything they saw in you and loved about you flies out the window so fast you won't even have time to sigh.

The one and only reason I even care is because you have a young child.

Leave it joypulv he's to stupern to care or listen what we say. If he really loved he wouldn't be on his computer all day he would be out here with our adiffice doing something.

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Originally Posted by Mattdyd10003

leave it joypulv he's to stupern to care or listen what we say. if he really loved he wouldn't be on his computer all day he would be out here with our adiffice doing something.

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I refuse to believe he's stupid. He's articulate enough, and intelligent enough, he's just been conditioned somewhere along his life to believe that a man has to be macho, confident, chest beating, Tarzan, blah blah. He thinks anything else isn't manly. Look at his title to his question! She's 'confused.' He won't acknowledge that he is too, and that he needs to soften and admit his wrongdoings, and yes, he needs to grovel. But the chances of that are the proverbial snow ball's chance in hell.

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Originally Posted by joypulv

I refuse to believe he's stupid. He's articulate enough, and intelligent enough, he's just been conditioned somewhere along his life to believe that a man has to be macho, confident, chest beating, Tarzan, blah blah. He thinks anything else isn't manly. Look at his title to his question! She's 'confused.' He won't acknowledge that he is too, and that he needs to soften and admit his wrongdoings, and yes, he needs to grovel. But the chances of that are the proverbial snow ball's chance in hell.

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Snowballs chance in hell is good. I prefer 'chance of an old fart in a windstorm' a lot better.

Want to add something. Don't no your name but, look buddy here's the thing. Even if Your wife took you back, she will drive you crazy because she will never trust you again. She will question your every move. Where are u, what time you coming home, checking your phone, emails ext. To the point you will go crazy and end it with her in the end cause you will feel smothered. So in all in all take devorce. Its better in the long run. Hate to say this also, everyone would love to change but you are who you are. Once a cheater always a cheater. Its just your insecure. You like new love because you can be a different man when its new love cause they don't no everything about you. You can make any story up. So here is my advice Stay friends for your son. Cause in the end he will suffer. Move forward and don't get remarried until you are older and morw wise. Some day your like will fall into place. At this point of your life your young take advantage of it cause age creeps up quick. Good luck hope you will find yourself again.

True that. And to joypulv I think I am going to give up on this besides you already said you would.

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Originally Posted by joypulv

I refuse to believe he's stupid. He's articulate enough, and intelligent enough, he's just been conditioned somewhere along his life to believe that a man has to be macho, confident, chest beating, Tarzan, blah blah. He thinks anything else isn't manly. Look at his title to his question! She's 'confused.' He won't acknowledge that he is too, and that he needs to soften and admit his wrongdoings, and yes, he needs to grovel. But the chances of that are the proverbial snow ball's chance in hell.

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I spent the day with her yesterday getting her tires replaced. Then grabbed some lunch. While at lunch we both just did a little bit of talking. She asked if I loved her and I of course said yes. She said we could spend more time together and she also said that we can continue sleeping together but she wants to take every precaution because she doesn't want to get pregnant "RIGHT NOW." I CAPITALIZED IT BECAUSE WE HAVE ALWAYS WANTED A LITTLE GIRL. So I feel like she's giving me a chance here. She did also throw in that I should keep my guard up so if it doesn't work out I won't be so devastated.

She does go through my phone, emails, wallet, pockets, and you know what I love it because once she realizes I have nothing to hide she gives me more and more trust. Plus if we're together and I get a phone call/text/email she sees what it is and I have no problem with that. I admit It's my fault and I'm not going to hide anything from her. I caused this and those are the consequences I'm OK with that.

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Originally Posted by Mattdyd10003

leave it joypulv he's to stupern to care or listen what we say. if he really loved he wouldn't be on his computer all day he would be out here with our adiffice doing something.

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I'm not on my computer all day and I did go out and I did take the advice to somehow figure out how to buy sometime to prove myself. AND I WAS SOMEWHAT GIVEN THAT TIME. I didn't even have to ask for it. We had such a great time that she kind of just gave it to me. BUT SHE DID WARN ME TO NOT DROP MY GUARD BECAUSE IT MAY NOT WORK OUT!! So now I just need to not screw it up and PROVE my LOVE FOR HER AND MY SON!!

Your not right for each other if she thinks after what you did you to should still sleep together something is wrong in this picture. Like she said if it DOESN'T WORK OUT! Quote quote don't be devastated

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Originally Posted by krazyfas

She does go thru my phone, emails, wallet, pockets, and you know what I love it because once she realizes I have enothing to hide she gives me more and more trust. Plus if we're together and I get a phone call/text/email she sees what it is and I have no problem with that. I admit It's my fault and I'm not going to hide anything from her. I caused this and those are the consequences I'm ok with that.

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Here Im a female, with other issues. But Im married 15 yrs to a man who did nothing but say nasty things to me. But that's besides the point. My point is that over the summer my daughter and a girl became friends. Well her dad is single. We started to become friends, colser. But because I'm married we never crossed boundires. I also told mt husband of this man so he knows about him. Went to his house over a 100 times. Never stepped foot inside. Just last week I realized I started to have feeling for him. So I did the right thing and let him go. So what Im saying is in life temptations are always going to come your way. You need to keep your stuff in your pants. Even though you guys are still married. Act like you started dating again have no sex. Try to see if you guys can re fall in love. There are 3 kinds of love , love like a friend, in love like with your spouse and there is lust just for sex. It seems you 2 have lust. So don't mess things up take your time. Take things one day at a time. From this point forward Ill be doing the same in my own marriage!! I realized Having the opp. Sex in your life is not right. So stay away from other women. As I will stay away from other men.

Hope all will work out for you.
As well as myself.

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Originally Posted by Mattdyd10003

your not right for each other if she thinks after what you did you to should still sleep together something is wrong in this picture. like she said if it DOESN'T WORK OUT! quote quote dont be devestated

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These are her exact words from yesterday afternoon "I will always be yours" I look at her in disbelief and she says "you didn't expect that did you"

Call me crazy again if you'd like but I think it's all been a test to see if I would be tempted by anyone else and so far I have proven myself.

You have. I give you good luck. If that's what she said then that's what she said no one here can argue with that. Am I right?

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Originally Posted by soundscrazy

Here Im a female, with other issues. But Im married 15 yrs to a man who did nothing but say nasty things to me. But thats besides the point. My point is that over the summer my daughter and a girl became friends. Well her dad is single. We started to become friends, colser. But because im married we never crossed boundires. I also told mt husband of this man so he knows about him. went to his house over a 100 times. Never stepped foot inside. Just last week I realized I started to have feeling for him. So I did the right thing and let him go. So what Im saying is in life temptations are always gonna come your way. You need to keep your stuff in your pants. Even though you guys are still married. Act like you started dating again have no sex. Try to see if you guys can re fall in love. There are 3 kinds of love , love like a friend, in love like with your spouse and there is lust just for sex. It seems you 2 have lust. So dont mess things up take your time. Take things one day at a time. From this point foward Ill be doing the same in my own marriage!!! I realized Having the opp. Sex in your life is not right. So stay away from other women. As I will stay away from other men.

Hope all will work out for you.
As well as myself.

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Thanks for the advice. I have cut all contact with all friends that would lead me into something misschieovous. I have no female friends not a single one. My work place is full of girls and I can honestly say that they all hate me. They think I'm stuck up and that I think I'm too good for them. Even though they all know I am only looking to receive another chance with my wife... I feel like her asking me if I still love her was an attempt to try to let me back in her heart. Now I'm just assuming here so don't jump all over me but that's just the feeling I got. She also asks me all the time "are you seeing anyone?" "are you sleeping with anyone else?" I'm pretty sure its because she doesn't want to lose me either but can't really forgive me fully yet. What are your thoughts??

OK I understand what you are saying. People judge me because of my age and say that I shouldn't be saying anything but I have the intelligence as any one else does. You can have female friends you just can't have sexual relations with them that's all. But before you gain your colleagues trust gain your wife's trust then your co-workers

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Originally Posted by Mattdyd10003

you have. i give you good luck. if thats what she said then thats what she said no one here can argue with that. am i right?

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You are absolutely right.. Now here's the thing... How do I create the perfect scenario for us to find that fire again? How do I NOT RUIN THIS CHANCE THAT FEW PPL GET?

Honestly I think its like a scab you have to let it heal take baby steps, don't rush it.

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Originally Posted by Mattdyd10003

ok i understand what you are saying. people judge me because of my age and say that i shouldn't be saying anything but i have the intelligence as any one else does. you can have female friends you just can't have sexual relations with them thats all. but before you gain your colleagues trust gain your wifes trust then your co-workers

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I love talking with older people they're always so sweet and have really great advice. I gave up all female friends because I was always a little flirty. So I didn't want to be tempted at all. And therefore I assured my wife that I wouldn't even allow myself to be tempted. I gave them all up and I don't regret it for a second. My wife's trust is what matters to me. She gets really antsy when I text so once I'm done I just hand it to her or if we're in the car ill leave it with her. She even took it home with her for the night once. She admitted to me that she went through everything and found nothing. :)

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Originally Posted by Mattdyd10003

honestly i think its like a scab you have to let it heal take baby steps, don't rush it.

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I think so too. The whole time we were at the place getting her tires I was thinking to myself. Wow she called me to come help her get her tires and oil and not the guy she's dating. Plus she doesn't answer his calls or his texts when she's out with me anymore. When before she would light up and answer right away.

OK just saying I'm young pretty young. If you don't want my advice I understand. That makes sense but remember to take your time and things sounds like its improving take care of your kid to

I'm old, 66 next month. I get bothered easily by little phrases that smack of immaturity, like 'creating the perfect scenario.'
1. You aren't calling the shots for a long, long time, so you don't get to create.
2. There's no such thing as perfect. The sooner young couples in love realize that, the better.
3. What you have to work on is being TRUSTWORTHY, not some love nest with full of fireworks. I'm not going to beat that topic to death. You have to understand it on your own. You have started, by appearing stuck up to the women at work. It's a sacrifice. Good job.

You got married really young under a circumstance of duress, and you hit a rocky path where both of you were very immature. You hold the greater responsibility for the disaster that has ensued because you cheated first, introducing infidelity to your marriage. Your wife, I believe, acted out of anger and the deepest hurt.

You do have a child, and you apparently both still care for and love each other. I recommend you get marriage counseling to work through the mutual betrayal and the issues that led to the betrayal. You also need to figure out an end game to the work schedules. You cannot keep working multiple jobs indefinitely and need to figure out what can be done so that you can earn enough working one job each to support your family. This might mean one of you returns to school or a professional training program or something.

I would not throw in the towel. I think you should approach her and say, "Hey, I was really immature and selfish and rediculous. I want to go to counseling with you and see if we can work out. If we have to divorce, I want to at least know we made every effort to honor our vows to stay together and work through hard times." Don't push for forgiveness or apologies right away. Don't expect her to be consistent - you weren't consistently loyal to her, and she's going to go through a lot of emotions around this thing.

And leave your family out of it moving forward. Best wishes.

OK I am young I'm fine with this and ihate how eople judge me like I don't know what I'm talking about.