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Originally Posted by JudyKayTee

It would help if you'd post once - I thought my answer was lost and retyped half of it, only to find out you have two active threads on the same subject.

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LOL, something was wrong with the website I post but it kept asking me to log in so I posted it more than once. You are a hoot!

Okay, so I decided to fold to my spouses request a few days after my last post. I figure this would make or break us or me from this Grey area I've... we've been in. I still care deeply for my spouse yet apart of me know that I still need that space. Anyway we will be attending a swingers private party this weekend in Dallas and he is SUPER SIKED! I'm not 100% for it but I kind of think it would be interesting to see how the other half live. I just hope that he doesn't take it too far or over doing. I guess I'm kind of hoping to find out where our relationship is, they say these types of gathers bring out something the spouse (wife and husband) has been longing for and or never would display if not in this setting. Anyway I'm having some wishy-washy thoughts about going but I don't want to back off now. He won't go to counseling so I will see what's really going on in the little mind of his. Oh well! Guess I will tell you how everything works out after the fact. We do get to tale about ground rules tonight the does and don't, nots and whatnots etc. etc. etc.

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Originally Posted by confusednlove

Okay, so I decided to fold to my spouses request a few days after my last post. I figure this would make or break us or me from this Grey area I've... we've been in. I still care deeply for my spouse yet apart of me know that I still need that space. Anyway we will be attending a swingers private party this weekend in Dallas and he is SUPER SIKED! I'm not 100% for it but I kinda think it would be interesting to see how the other half live. I just hope that he doesn't take it too far or over doing. I guess I'm kinda hoping to find out where our relationship is, they say these types of gathers bring out something the spouse (wife and husband) has been longing for and or never would display if not in this setting. Anyway I'm having some wishy-washy thoughts about going but I don't want to back off now. He wont go to counseling so I will see whats really going on in the little mind of his. Oh well! Guess I will tell you how everything works out after the fact. We do get to tale about ground rules tonight the does and don't, nots and whatnots etc. etc. etc.

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You talked about your rules or the rules of the site?

I wouldn't be happy with a man who is super psyched about having sex with third parties but it's not my life, it's yours.

I also wouldn't be pressured, nagged, threatened, begged into doing something I don't want to do - but again, it's not my life, it's yours. Who knows, maybe it'll bring the spark back to your marriage.

If you are already having problems, I don't why you'd add this to the mix thinking it will help things. Deal with the problem! This is like numbing yourself with alcohol to hide what's really going on.
If my man suggested this I'd tell him to take a hike and I certainly would not do it if I were uncomfortable and he was all "ready to go" He's not that siked about dealing with your problems.

I think this is putting an unsanitary band aid in a wound. You still have the wounds that has not been treated.

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Originally Posted by JudyKayTee

You talked about your rules or the rules of the site?

I wouldn't be happy with a man who is super psyched about having sex with third parties but it's not my life, it's yours.

I also wouldn't be pressured, nagged, threatened, begged into doing something I don't want to do - but again, it's not my life, it's yours. Who knows, maybe it'll bring the spark back to your marriage.

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I agree about the super psyched... he could have at least played it off. After reading and research blogs etc. a lot of couples highly expressed how this life style has help there marriage. I guess this is why the greater part of me agreed to try it. We will see. Now the problem I still have with this is that in the research and readings it constantly states that you should have a strong relationship before hand.. but if you have a strong relationship to begin with why and how has this help repair your marriage HMMM

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Originally Posted by Homegirl 50

If you are already having problems, I don't why you'd add this to the mix thinking it will help things. Deal with the problem! This is like numbing yourself with alcohol to hide what's really going on.
If my man suggested this I'd tell him to take a hike and I certainly would not do it if I were uncomfortable and he was all "ready to go" He's not that siked about dealing with your problems.

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I know this but the love I have for this man is crazy love"CRAZY" being the key word. I think its because we've been together so long its just hard for me to recognize when we've ran our course. And the not so funny... but funny thing is I love him but not in love with him... if that makes any sense. I would try almost anything to keep our family together but seriously at the end of the day I think this is a way of psyching myself into believing I can make this work... one day I was willing to give it all up and the next I'm trying to repair it when I look at my little girl. SIGH now confusedNlove I am...

I think you are making a big mistake.
This is a dysfunctional marriage, "Crazy Love" as you call it.
You are sounding desperate and going into a situation like this is an act of desperation. It is not something you are sounding positive about.

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Originally Posted by Homegirl 50

I think this is putting an unsanitary band aid in a wound. You still have the wounds that has not been treated.

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Doesn't take a genius to figure this one out but I guess there are dumb smart professionals... me sigh))))) I think my name should be path to destruction.

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Originally Posted by Homegirl 50

I think you are making a big mistake.
This is a dysfunctional marriage, "Crazy Love" as you call it.
You are sounding desperate and going into a situation like this is an act of desperation. It is not something you are sounding positive about.

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And it all comes back to what you would do in the name of "love" - or to hold onto a man.

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Originally Posted by JudyKayTee

And it all comes back to what you would do in the name of "love" - or to hold onto a man.

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Wow you both have my number. I've known this all along but I guess I'm just plain and simple SCARED to call it quiets.. scared of being along, starting over, saying good bye because I don't want to feel like the bad guy. He's a great provider and father but his anger tense to get the better of him. I say and know inside that he is a good man... I use excuses such as he don't do drugs, not a big drinker, doesn't stay out all night, and never have I went without... if I want he gets it for me however, at the same time he wants to control everything... he feels that he has to be in control I don't have a social life/friends. He wants 100% of my time wants to know where I am, and if I'm not at home after work he's asking where I am and why its taking so long to get home. I just feel like I don't know who I am anymore. Every time he takes me shopping or someone ask where I got my outfit I tell them Idk my husband bought it for me... all of the ladies reply ooooohhh that is so sweet I wish my husband could be that sweet... I constantly here oh what a good husband you got, oh you guys look so good together, oh I wish my husband was like you're, oh, your husband, husband, husband. Blah blah blah. He likes to show me off like Im some handbag.

This is what makes it hard for me to stay but at the same time makes it hard for me to let go. Crazy hmmmm

You are raising a daughter in this mess. Get a back bone and get off this merry-go-round.

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Originally Posted by Homegirl 50

You are raising a daughter in this mess. Get a back bone and get off of this merry-go-round.

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You right!