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Originally Posted by Spunoh

There's nothing wrong about meeting the one you love halfway. It has nothing to do with pride or self esteem, people don't often choose their fantaisies.
Chuck Palahniuk write books about psychopaths, that doesn't mean he's one. That's what great about fiction.

I understand that she could be more strict, but it isn't easy for everybody.

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What? She doesn't want to "do" this. He does. She's being coerced.

What do Psychopaths have to do with swinging? I'm missing your point here. You don't have to be a Psychopath to write about them. What does that have to do with this situation?

She either feeds into his fantasy or she doesn't. If she's going to write stories about "swinging" I very much doubt he'll think, "Oh, she's writing about it so she's not interested."

Where is our resident Counsellor? I only have a minor in the subject - and she outranks me!

(Is this the backlash from my suggestion that threatening to tell the ex-lover's wife can get a person arrested?)

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Originally Posted by JudyKayTee

What? She doesn't want to "do" this. He does. She's being coerced.

What do Psychopaths have to do with swinging? I'm missing your point here. You don't have to be a Psychopath to write about them. What does that have to do with this situation?

She either feeds into his fantasy or she doesn't. If she's going to write stories about "swinging" I very much doubt he'll think, "Oh, she's writing about it so she's not interested."

Where is our resident Counsellor? I only have a minor in the subject - and she outranks me!

(Is this the backlash from my suggestion that threatening to tell the ex-lover's wife can get a person arrested?)

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My example with psychopaths is that he won't absolutely think that she has the same fantasy just because she wrote about it. She can explain to him that this is really not what she wants to do, and as a gesture of love and understanding she can write this thing. It was just a suggestion out of the blue.
Writers that write about serial killers aren't serial killers.
Wives that write about swinging aren't inevitably swingers.

We don't know her husband, maybe instead of him thinking : She's writing so she's interested. He'll think: This is really a great effort from her part, I shouldn't nag her about it anymore.

And how is me writing to you is a backlash? I can no longer respond, if you'd like to, but don't assume "dishonesty" in me. If I don't like something, I'm strait forward about it.
And I, actually, thought you're right about that point.

You need to tell him No! Why are you not standing up for yourself, why are you still with him?
There is no way I'd stay with a man who wanted me to do that.

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Originally Posted by Homegirl 50

You need to tell him No! Why are you not standing up for yourself, why are you still with him?
There is no way I'd stay with a man who wanted me to do that.

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- And never dropped the subject. I'm thinking that the OP is not 100% against the idea.l The question was posted, now there's an update, the situation hasn't changed - ?

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Originally Posted by JudyKayTee

- And never dropped the subject. I'm thinking that the OP is not 100% against the idea.l The question was posted, now there's an update, the situation hasn't changed - ?

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I hope she is not one of those pitiful women who love their man so much they will wallow in the mud for him and cry "poor me" while they're in it.

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Originally Posted by JudyKayTee

- I think this will only make things worse because he'll know (or think) she has the same fantasy.

I don't think this is a good idea at all.

I still don't know why she doesn't say no. If my husband wants me to dress like a sheep and run around the backyard I'm not doing it. No, and the discussion is over.

If her husband leaves her, he leaves her - if that's the threat.

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I've already told him NO. I think at first I told him that I would consider it and agreed just to disagree... pretty much so he could leave me alone about it... it worked for a little while and he would always I would want you to do nothing you don't want to do... and most importantly don't do it for me doing it because you want to do it. But what he does not get is that I DO NOT want anything to do with any of that. So as usual he gets upset starting talking about "okay lets just leave it alone and we will never bring it up again" while lets just say that only lasted for two days. So now he's sending me love text about how he admit he's dominant 99% of the time but he loves and cherish me and want to give me the world, and not to let his bad attitude get in the way of all his good.. He also stated that he guess he just wants his cake and eat it too. He just want to experience life and all it has to offer but not at the expense of losing me. So I text him back and long story short told him that something I do feel as if I'm not letting him be free and how I've thought time after time to let his go just so he can go an fulfill his long life dreams.. He replied he did want to let me go. Now I think I was getting somewhere. I really do think he dreams of being alone or single again just to fulfill these fantasies but he don't want to lose me he expect me to stick around. Now, when I did tell him that I would consider this he in the midst of waiting for me to come around has been chatting with this couple and told me about it a few days later... I receive a text of a penis at this point I'm freaking out thinking damn somebody sending naked pics to the wrong phone.. no that was not the case moments later I get a text from the Mr. asking me if I received any text message... DING DING DING DING DING YES! YOU'RE THINK WHAT YOU ARE THINKING now close your mouth because I know that just hit you just as it hit me, my mouth is still on the floor. I've already typed too much I will continue this story tomm... stay turned in believe me its doesn't getting any better to be continued...

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Originally Posted by Spunoh

There's nothing wrong about meeting the one you love halfway. It has nothing to do with pride or self esteem, people don't often choose their fantaisies.
Chuck Palahniuk write books about psychopaths, that doesn't mean he's one. That's what great about fiction.

I understand that she could be more strict, but it isn't easy for everybody.

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Spunoh, that's what I was trying to do meet him halfway as I always do, and suppose to do in a marriage. However, I think when I did tell him I was open to the idea I just wanted to shout him the hell up. I figured Oh he just talking.. Apparently I open this can up and he poured it on me... I tell he no no no and he. Will leave it alone and bring it back up while ease it back up.

You know you need to be firm with your No!
I'd let him know you don't appreciate the emails you are getting from other men and that if he continues to chat on-line with these people he needs to go.
That is just disrespectful.
We don't need a daily blog of your adventure, (maybe you are enjoying this) Tell the man to stop and mean it, or leave him.

I'd also refuse to go on that trip. Period. Put your foot down now... firmly, maybe even swiftly place it up his rectal cavity if that's what it takes to get his attention.

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Originally Posted by smoothy

I'd also refuse to go on that trip. Period. Put your foot down now...firmly, maybe even swiftly place it up his rectal cavity if that's what it takes to get his attention.

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She is sending mixed signals. There is a way to say no and mean it. Refuse to take part in any of this stuff.

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Originally Posted by Homegirl 50

She is sending mixed signals. There is a way to say no and mean it. Refuse to take part in any of this stuff.

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I keep saying this same thing.

This is very much like listening to a friend who telephones 6 times a day to say she's being abused.

So leave already.

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Originally Posted by Homegirl 50

You need to tell him No! Why are you not standing up for yourself, why are you still with him?
There is no way I'd stay with a man who wanted me to do that.

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I know what you mean Homegirl but it is always easier for someone to say what they would do but it is sometime hard to do just what you say. I understand that the scenario below is different but its relative to say that "its like someone deciding that they want to go on a diet and say okay I need to cut out the carbs, sugar and sweet etc. after working so hard for a specific amount of time you go out to eat with friends and they order chocolate cake. You know what you said you would eat and you know that is it bad for you but the temptation is so hard now you're stuck with the decision to go against what you know you shouldn't do and regret it later or should you stick to your guns and not have it at all. Know we all know that that cake should not be eaten but you feel that you put in the hard work, sweat, and tears and you deserve a piece of that chocolate cake but what do a person do. Again I understand this situation is deeper than a piece of chocolate cake and I wish it was just that easy to choose LOL but it real life.

While guys I think this is it for me... There is no need to continue with my F'ed up stories. I ended it last night. I'm sadden, disappointed, can't stop crying, don't know what I'm going to do... He still doesn't not want out Promised me that he will NEVER bring it up again and he's sorry, he doesn't want to lose me. But as you all know he sang that song before I'm just feed up have been for sometime and I guess was hoping it was a phase he was going through being his age. Thanks for all of your harsh and kind words of advice. I took what some of you said in consideration but my decision was based on what I needed to do. I will be moving out in a few weeks. I just hope I can make it in the same house with him that long without going back. Pray for me. Now, I will need words of encouragement and how to move on in order to get past this. My kids are hurt, sad and I just don't know what to do know SIGH))).

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Originally Posted by naturalsprings

I know what you mean Homegirl but it is always easier for someone to say what they would do but it is sometime hard to do just what you say. I understand that the scenario below is different but its relative to say that "its like someone deciding that they want to go on a diet and say okay I need to cut out the carbs, sugar and sweet etc. after working so hard for a specific amount of time you go out to eat with friends and they order chocolate cake. You know what you said you would eat and you know that is it bad for you but the temptation is so hard now you're stuck with the decision to go against what you know you shouldn't do and regret it later or should you stick to your guns and not have it at all. Know we all know that that cake should not be eaten but you feel that you put in the hard work, sweat, and tears and you deserve a piece of that chocolate cake but what do a person do. Again I understand this situation is deeper than a piece of chocolate cake and I wish it was just that easy to choose LOL but it real life.

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I see absolutely no connection between the chocolate cake analogy and a man who is abusing you psychologically and attempting to talk you into doing something which you do not feel is in your interest.

In fact, the " ... we all know that the cake should not be eaten but you feel that you put in the hard work, sweat and tears and you do deserve a piece of that chocolate cake ..."

What is the connection there?

You are not the only person on AMHD who has had to make difficult decisions in life. Many people have been in your shoes, in a relationship which isn't working in some way, and have gathered up the strength and courage to do what is best for him or her. You are not alone. People are advsiing based on experience, knowledge, education. Did I mention experience?

I have a very dear friend who calls a couple of times a week to tell me how her marriage has failed and how she wishes she had the strength to leave him and how emotionally abusive her husband is. After over a year I'm getting tired of hearing it. There must be some benefit to her in that relationship or she would leave. Either she's encouraging the abuse - or enjoys it on some level.

And, yes, I know what I would do were I in your position - but I've already said that more than once.

You are not the only wife/girlfriend/woman in the World who has been approached for a three-some, who didn't want to participate, who had to make a tough decision.

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Originally Posted by naturalsprings

While guys I think this is it for me... There is no need to continue with my F'ed up stories. I ended it last night. I'm sadden, disappointed, can't stop crying, don't know what I'm going to do... He still doesn't not want out Promised me that he will NEVER bring it up again and he's sorry, he doesn't want to lose me. But as you all know he sang that song before I'm just feed up have been for sometime and I guess was hoping it was a phase he was going through being his age. Thanks for all of your harsh and kind words of advice. I took what some of you said in consideration but my decision was based on what I needed to do. I will be moving out in a few weeks. I just hope I can make it in the same house with him that long without going back. Pray for me. Now, I will need words of encouragement and how to move on in order to get past this. My kids are hurt, sad and I just don't know what to do know SIGH))).

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Everything changed in the 13 minutes between your two posts?

Why are you waiting a "few weeks" to do something? If you want to protect yourself legally you don't/won't move out. You'll consult with an Attorney and follow his/her advice.

As far as praying for you - have you posted on one of the religious boards?

Your children know your husband has this swinger, 3-some fantasy?

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Originally Posted by JudyKayTee

Everything changed in the 13 minutes between your two posts?

Why are you waiting a "few weeks" to do something? If you want to protect yourself legally you don't/won't move out. You'll consult with an Attorney and follow his/her advice.

As far as praying for you - have you posted on one of the religious boards?

Your children know your husband has this swinger, 3-some fantasy?

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I have to wait a few weeks to find a place to live, not to mention I've already paid my rent until the end of next month and I have no money while not enough. It will give me a little more time to save a little more $. Find schools for the children, and a place. I have no one here to stay with during this transition. But I'm sure I will make it. I was at least smart enough to save $ in my own bank account he does not know about. I have to pack and my children are in school as well as some unfinished business. As for my children knowing about the 3some thing of course they do not know they are very young 4-18.

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Originally Posted by naturalsprings

I have to wait a few weeks to find a place to live, not to mention I've already paid my rent until the end of next month and I have no money while not enough. It will give me a little more time to save a little more $. Find schools for the children, and a place. I have no one here to stay with during this transition. But I'm sure I will make it. I was at least smart enough to save $ in my own bank account he does not know about. I have to pack and my children are in school as well as some unfinished business. As for my children knowing about the 3some thing of course they do not know they are very young 4-18.

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You said your children are upset - you've discussed the separation/divorce with them.

Again - you are foolish if you leave without consulting with an Attorney.

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Originally Posted by JudyKayTee

You said your children are upset - you've discussed the separation/divorce with them.

Again - you are foolish if you leave without consulting with an Attorney.

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No we or shall I say I have not discussed with our children yet. He has a tendency to announce to the neighborhood when he doesn't get his way they know that we are not working out and the atmosphere can be cut with a knife but I do plan to seek law counsel before proceeding.

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Originally Posted by naturalsprings

No we or shall I say I have not discussed with our children yet. He has a tendency to announce to the neighborhood when he doesn't get his way they know that we are not working out and the atmosphere can be cut with a knife but I do plan to seek law counsel before proceeding.

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Thank you from me! I didn't want to see you get "hurt" by a breakup.

Yes, I know what you mean. There's too much salt in the soup and a general announcement is made!