The OP has clearly stated that she is unfulfilled in her marriage and yet many here seem to be encouraging her to to stay with her husband. I am going to deviate from the crowd here - as I often do - and suggest that there is a deeper problem here that has nothing to do with F. At this point, you have told your husband about F and like it or not, he's not going to forget and while it may motivate both of you to put forth some additional effort in the short-term, it will quite likely eat away at your marriage even further in the long-term. Unfulfilled will eventually turn to unhappy, but in either case, you are both cheating yourselves out of finding a truly fulfilling relationship. Of course, it's easier said than done. :(

Really struggling last couple if days, can't get F out of me head xnd it's getting harder rather than easier even though stepping back from the situation I could see how in many ways f was manipulating me to get what he wants. H is being fantastic doing everything he can to make me happy saying how he has fallen in love with me all over again. That's partly the problem I want to feel the way he does, that feeling of wanting someone so much. Maybe I'm just putting too much pressure on myself, I'm tired of crying. I know I can't move in till I let go of F and I know I'm not going to leave so why can't I let go? Things won't get better till I do, so frustrated with myself I have really good days where I'm strong and think of all of f's faults and that I'm better off here but then I have days like this where I cry and I don't know why. And I'm constantly fighting with myself not to contact F because all that will do is make things worse. I just want to be happy with H and my family