Ask Me Help Desk - I think my wife is cheating

Thank you all for your comments and suggestions. I must say that I'm a bit surprised at how many of you so quickly responded. I honestly didn't think that I would get any feedback here but figured since I have nowhere else turn, I would try.

Thank you all very much for your honest comments. If any of you or anyone else has anything to add, please do so. I would appreciate it very much.
I will say that I feel like telling my wife that we should go to counseling and if she refuses again, to hang it up. Call it off! I feel that regardless of who knows our problems, it's worth giving our marriage a chance and that if she is more concerned about someone knowing our problems, then our marriage is no longer important to her.

But I have 2 kids at home (both teenagers) and I don't want hurt them that way and I know that my wife doesn't want to either. I almost feel that it would be better to come to an agreement with my wife at that point that we remain “roommates” for the sake our kids until our youngest is mature enough to understand.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Grey_Matter

Thank you all for your comments and suggestions. I must say that I'm a bit surprised at how many of you so quickly responded. I honestly didn't think that I would get any feedback here but figured since I have nowhere else turn, I would try.

Thank you all very much for your honest comments. If any of you or anyone else has anything to add, please do so. I would appreciate it very much.
I will say that I feel like telling my wife that we should go to counseling and if she refuses again, to hang it up. Call it off! I feel that regardless of who knows our problems, it's worth giving our marriage a chance and that if she is more concerned about someone knowing our problems, then our marriage is no longer important to her.

But I have 2 kids at home (both teenagers) and I don't want hurt them that way and I know that my wife doesn't want to either. I almost feel that it would be better to come to an agreement with my wife at that point that we remain “roommates” for the sake our kids until our youngest is mature enough to understand.

You're welcome.

Good luck, and keep us posted.

You're welcome... it never hurts to get someone else's opinion... preferably someone who doesn't really know her, so it won't get back somehow. Puts a check on conclusions we might jump to otherwise.

Quote:

Originally Posted by 88sunflower

Its hard. You will want to give up because that seems easier. But you stay focused if she is willing. You just need to get to her first. Is there a time you can do this?

I meant is there a time you can talk with her. Its needs to be discussed. If you haven't been intimate in two years then something needs to change.

This is a wonderful place for support so your welcome. I agree when I first came here the response was amazing. No matter what the time someone is here for you. Just keep that in mind.

I will be blunt, drop the guilt, and ask direct questions, and see what she says. Whether she is honest with you, is not the point, but obviously you have gotten disconnected big time, and really do have to stop assuming, and presuming, and seeing other guys behind everything. Don't have a clue to offer you but we all know where your headed, and it may be to late for anything to be saved so start saving yourself.

Its telling that while you say you talk, nothing is accomplished, and that's a sign of maybe you not being completely honest about what she has told you. That would give us something to balance beside what you tell us and what you think your seeing. Maybe you should have been divorced long ago rather than live as room mates waiting for kids to get older. (like they don't know mom, and dad have nothing to do with each other, kids are smarter, and more aware, and flexible than you give them credit for)

I have to tell you that your problem is that after communications broke down, and there is no willingness to work together, I don't see this surviving much longer and the next thing to do is invite her to see an attorney with you (maybe she has her own), and work out the final details to this funeral of a marriage.

At least you will know where you stand, and it won't matter if she is cheating or not, and you won't have to assume, presume, guess, and wonder about her underwear any longer, and can have a plan to get your life together.

Look for changes such as new hair style, make-up, nails. Does she put perfume on in the morning before going somewhere? Does she tell you she is going to the mall shopping or to have her hair done? Does she exclude you from doing things? Does she spend more time with her girlfriends? Get a GPS tracker and put it in her car assuming the car is jointly owned. Check her emails with a covert downloader. Generally speaking, if she is not affectionate, she is no longer interested in you. Sad to say, but the truth in these circumstances always hurts. I have been through it. My sympathies go to you.