She won't be back.S he came here looking for sympathy and reassurance and we she got the responses she so justifiably deserved she decided to leave and never return. I hope she proves me wrong but we see it all the time. They want to hear certain answers to make them feel better and when they don't get them they simply look elsewhere for the until someone tells them what they want to hear.

So prove me wrong OP and come back and face then music and let these great people help you be an honest and loving mother and wife.

How to deal with the feelings??

Go home and look at your husband and 4 kids and consider your life without them.

Does that change your feelings??

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Well.. not really helpful in anyway. And no Im not looking for sympathy at all. Just maybe a little advise on how to deal w/ the feelings . As I stated earlier , I have NEVER had any feelings for another man besides the boyfriend after 14ys.

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Are these the feelings your dealing with?

Guilt
Betraying your husband
Betraying your kids
Betraying yourself
Cheating on a good man
Endangering the security of your children
Adultry
Selfishness
Let me know just what feelings you mean and I will try to help. Skells' idea is an excellent one.

A normal person would feel all these things I'm sure Tal.

But then again people who justify cheating aren't normal!

Skell: yes all the above I feel . Honestly except the adultery . And by no means do I feel selfish... if anything I feel as if I am giving so much of myself to everyone else soon there will nothing left. Can't explain why , I guess to me ( which under the circumstances isn't much ) I have loved our boyfriend for many years . It isn't for the fun, the snickning around or anything like that . And as far as my children I am a wonderful mother to them. They are my #1. But I know w/o them there would be no husband . I will say that in the last few days I have talked w/ our boyfriend about some things and he is beyond understanding what he is doing to both my husband and myself. So I am making progress. Thank you listening .

"Our b/f?" Forgive me Marlene but this isn't a three way arrangement, is it?

No by any means . When I say our boyfriend he has been my husband's boyfriend for at least 18 years. And mine for 14 years. It has always been us 3 . Just hanging out .

Phew, I was having flashes of Michael York in Cabaret suddenly in my mind.

Forgive my confustion did you mean you and your husband have sex with the same man?

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Originally Posted by talaniman

Forgive my confustion did you mean you and your husband have sex with the same man?

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I don't think so Tal but I have to admit, Marlene, you calling him your husband's boyfriend is majorly strange to me and makes me wonder why it is that you do. And God Almighty, I hope it isn't because your husband does or I am going to be getting a really bad picture here about how naïve you may be and what might really be going on, okay? :eek:

That threw me a bit as well the first time I read it, though I think she is using that abbreviation to denote "best friend." Arguably not the standard interpretation, but then again, I could be wrong here as well. It reminds me of the title of a song by Frente! called "Bizarre Love Triangle." :rolleyes: :)

Well this isn't the first time we get to the heart of the matter after a lot of running around, but the OP is the only one to clear this up. Then I will be pissed to no end for being jacked around for this long, I mean shouldn't facts like that be in the original question? Okay Marlene , ball in your court.

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Originally Posted by letmetellu

You say that you love your husband and his best friend but in totaly different ways. Do these totaly different ways both involve sex. If it didn't I could see how you might love two men differently and it work out if the husband liked the guy enough to feel the same way about him as you do. But when you bring sex into the equation you are only butting a time period on the entire situation. Sooner or later it is all going to explode.

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I love my husband and my friend.. my friend knows I am married but I have sex with him and not my husband... as I am no longer attraced to my husband in this way but we have an amazing friendship... what should I do?

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Originally Posted by HannahMarriedYoung

I love my husband and my friend.. my friend knows I am married but I have sex wtih him and not my husband... as I am no longer attraced to my husband in this way but we have an amazing friendship... what should I do?

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Please start another thread as it gets confusing keeping up with different posters.

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Originally Posted by marlene1

New to the site . Just have heard that there some good advise .
Ok . Is it possible to be totally in love w/ two people? One being your spouse and the other a friend ?

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That is totally possible! My mom is in the same sort of dillema. She has had more than two though. Do you still love your spouse? She does. She gets frustrated with my father a lot but she still loves him. She has had other men in her live than just my father. Hope you can make a good choice to who you want. My parents are still together but my mom talks to the other guys. Good luck.

This is all a bunch of B.S... if you are married then that is who you should be sleeping with. You guys are killing me!! Oh, lesianlover please don't walk in your mothers shoes, they are way too small for you!

That is just stupid his best friend come on you could have had more respect than that. I see why spousal abuse is so high in the us

I agree with E3317, believe it or not! Poor guy! Self respect has a lot to do with all of these questions!

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Originally Posted by marlene1

Thank you all for your advise. It really help me think . Although as of right now I am torn. Yes sex has happened w/ the bf, but ... it is almost like when I am with him , it is only him . At the same time I have my life w/ my husband ( which is wonderful , practically a perfect life. ) and when I am home w/ my 4 kids , it is only them .
We all have been friends for many many years so this nonthing that has just came up. I believe it is true and I am confused. Thank you all for your advise.

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Nothing every just comes up...
As with everything in life: we are the ones who make the choice...