Ask Me Help Desk - How does age difference in marriage play out

Quote:

Originally Posted by dynocompe

If this older man is rich, people will judge you as a gold digger and jsut waiting for him to croak

We are talking about a man who she has yet to meet. He would be in his fifties, maybe younger, and have unknown financial security. And an unknown health history.

By the way who are these "people" doing the judging? And who cares what these "people" think anyway?

This would be the LAST thing to tell her to worry about.

graduate2life, you go find happiness. The most important thing about looking for a mate is make sure that person, whomever he may be, treats you with love and respect.

I wish you the best.

Agreed, love, trust and respect are absolutely needed as in any relationship. To tell you the truth above all that there is a part of me that is proud that this beautiful, wonderful, intelligent woman loves me.

Stringer

I think when two people have a willingness to be honest with each other, and deal with anything that comes up as one, there is always a good chance that it will last a long time.

The problem most relationships face is they jump in, and try to have something just to have it, and when it starts to get to hard they bail.

I say never be in a hurry you overlook something that requires your attention, and never be so distracted you forget what your supposed to be doing. (my wife is good at keeping me focused).

The real test I think, is how you handle your issues, and work to resolve them together, for the benefit of you both.

It takes time, patience and an open mind, and a lot of good fortune.

If its real, the obstacles are not going to stop you from being happy. Nor will doing whatever it takes scare you.

If we're talking about what makes for a good relationship I believe in total honesty - no games, no "playing" each other, no sulking, no withholding sex. I'm about as straight forward as a person gets.

My husband to be is my best friend (maybe everyone says that but nobody means it) and I have the ability to discuss anything with him, tell him anything. We don't always agree, of course, but we both speak the truth.

This, of course, does not include hurting the other person in the guise of being frank and/or honest.

Quote:

Originally Posted by talaniman

I think when two people have a willingness to be honest with each other, and deal with anything that comes up as one, there is always a good chance that it will last a long time.

The problem most relationships face is they jump in, and try to have something just to have it, and when it starts to get to hard they bail.

I say never be in a hurry you overlook something that requires your attention, and never be so distracted you forget what your supposed to be doing. (my wife is good at keeping me focused).

The real test I think, is how you handle your issues, and work to resolve them together, for the benefit of you both.

It takes time, patience and an open mind, and a lot of good fortune.

If its real, the obstacles are not going to stop you from being happy. Nor will doing whatever it takes scare you.

To the point as usual Tal. (Couldn't give a 'greenie.')

Quote:

Originally Posted by Stringer

I'll give it a shot.
....
Stringer

This was great! You were honest and clear. And I am so glad you took the time to put it down. I will use it in my life :)

Quote:

Originally Posted by graduate2life

This was great! You were honest and clear. And I am so glad you took the time to put it down. I will use it in my life :)

Thank you.

And I say if all is right, go for it. :)

Quote:

Originally Posted by talaniman

I think when two people have a willingness to be honest with each other, and deal with anything that comes up as one, there is always a good chance that it will last a long time.

Thank you for positivity :) . Dealing with everything 'as one' is so hard to achieve when everyone is looking out for themselves, many a times it is so difficult to align interests. That is why people need to be 'in love'.

Quote:

Originally Posted by talaniman

The problem most relationships face is they jump in, and try to have something just to have it, and when it starts to get to hard they bail.

.. and if the magic or the feeling of love is missing, because you jumped in for the heck of it.. You will not be able to face road bumps as a team.. YOU ARE SO RIGHT HERE!

Quote:

Originally Posted by talaniman

I say never be in a hurry you overlook something that requires your attention, and never be so distracted you forget what your supposed to be doing. (my wife is good at keeping me focused).

True. Not easy to remember though when we are in it. I had a habit of overlooking problems that needed to be sorted out, I learnt a lesson!

Quote:

Originally Posted by talaniman

The real test I think, is how you handle your issues, and work to resolve them together, for the benefit of you both.

Yes. Communication fails when it is most needed.

Quote:

Originally Posted by talaniman

It takes time, patience and an open mind, and a lot of good fortune.

Good fortune.. Yes! Probably, also some experience.

Quote:

Originally Posted by talaniman

If its real, the obstacles are not going to stop you from being happy. Nor will doing whatever it takes scare you.

I like your positive and comprehensive answer, TAL.. (even though I interpreted it as above according to my understanding).

Thank you for the encouragement.. I found this discussion board great to share ideas and experiences. I would like to say thank you to everyone here, you were so kind to answer me.

Special thanks to STRINGER for adding his lovely experience to this thread :)

Stringer,

It is nice to hear about a successful relationship with a twenty year age difference. My partner and I are madly in love with each other and have been dating for several months but have known each other for about two years. I am 25 and he is 20 years older than me (no kids, never married; his fiancé died tragically when he was younger and he resolved to never get married). I have concluded that our ages seem far apart on paper, or when you consider the number of years in between, but we are so, so happy together and so in love.

I have spent a lot of time thinking about what my friends and family will think about our relationship. It just seems illogical to me to split solely because of our age difference. I have been in other long term relationships where marriage was discussed, but after spending a month with my current partner, I couldn't imagine being with anyone else.

We would like to get married and have children but (1) I am currently enrolled in a demanding pre-professional academic program with about two and half more years to go, and (2) I worry about how our children would feel about having an older father. My partner does not seem "old" to me - we love to do the same things, and although I am pretty athletic he has no trouble "keeping up with me." His profession involves physical labor so he is in great shape and looks at least 7 years younger than he is.

I don't know what the future will bring, but we agree that what we have is incredibly special and we are enjoying every minute.

Quote:

Originally Posted by mwhalen711

Stringer,

It is nice to hear about a successful relationship with a twenty year age difference. My partner and I are madly in love with each other and have been dating for several months but have known each other for about two years. I am 25 and he is 20 years older than me (no kids, never married; his fiance died tragically when he was younger and he resolved to never get married). I have concluded that our ages seem far apart on paper, or when you consider the number of years in between, but we are so, so happy together and so in love.

I have spent a lot of time thinking about what my friends and family will think about our relationship. It just seems illogical to me to split solely because of our age difference. I have been in other long term relationships where marriage was discussed, but after spending a month with my current partner, I couldn't imagine being with anyone else.

We would like to get married and have children but (1) I am currently enrolled in a demanding pre-professional academic program with about two and half more years to go, and (2) I worry about how our children would feel about having an older father. My partner does not seem "old" to me - we love to do the same things, and although I am pretty athletic he has no trouble "keeping up with me." His profession involves physical labor so he is in great shape and looks at least 7 years younger than he is.

I don't know what the future will bring, but we agree that what we have is incredibly special and we are enjoying every minute.

There are some obstacles to overcome naturally. But what you describe is exactly what we have felt and still do hon. To me, finding true love is not easy and when it comes along you have to go for it with every part of yourself. We have not held back in any way.

We tried to have a child (spent a lot of money also) and to our deep sorrow were not able to do so. It was traumatic but we survived it.

From my personal perspective age difference has an impact for sure and adjustments and reality has to be realized. With a complete understanding of this and what those differences are love will survive and flourish. It certainly has for us.

Sit down and talk, respond honestly to the potential situations/problems. Adjustments have to be made and I wouldn't even think about what 'others' may think, that really has no bearing on your life. What matters is you two and you lives together.

Good luck to you and him.

Stringer