I find that odd-Relate should be able to offer you counciling for yourself even if that doesn't classify as couple's counciling.

I think you need help for yourself,so get in touch with them again and ask for another appointment for you.

They did offer me help, but with relation to my feeling of betrayal. The point is he was the one doing the betrayal, we need to go together, he says he's not having someone annalising him.

You can still get help,for you,to help you move forward and make the decision whether you want a divorce.

As for your husband, if he is not willing to put in any effort to save the marriage,it seems the two of you are not on the same page.

I said that to him, he isn't one for showing his feelings, We have been together for 16 years. He hasn't put a foot wrong?

The councilling is about the marriage,its not a personal attack on him.

Can you say what kind of effort he is making?

He is just going on as before, he says he can't concentrate on work or anything he says the guilt is crusyfying him. He's wants me not to mention it, it might go away, he's basically got his head in the sand.

The only way this is going to get better is if you both talk and talk and talk,with councilling they can give you both the tools to help.

He has put your lives on hold until he is ready to deal,this is not going away,he needs to man up and accept that your marriage is in danger of ending,your family is at crisis point.

Could a family member talk to him?

He hasn't spoken to anyone about this. I have told him, I won't mention about her, I went round to her house, she wouldn't open the door, I told all her neighbours what a dinner time s--g she was and to watch there husbands. She called the police, I said what are you going to do officer arrest me for ringing the bell. Im not bothered about her, just want to make myself feel better. I don't think he accepts he's done it. Says it was just a bad chrisis time he was going through.

Do not go around to her house again,I repeat,do not go near her,phone her,or say one thing about her... be very wise here,the last thing you need is a summons for haressment... leave her alone!

I understand your pain and hurt,but its misdirected,your husband is the one who has done this.

I suggest you go to councilling by yourself,and consider your marriage.

You both need to find a new normal,he may have had his crisis,but he's dragged his family in now...

For me,this is a dealbreaker,if my husband would not admit a problem nor seek help with me,I would walk away.

If it was me,I would be telling him to get with the programme,because I could not stand the misery for another second.

But your not me,YOU have to do what's best for you and your children now.

I agree with you, they can't give me an harassment charge as long as I don't touch her. Like I say I'm not bothered about her now, need to find away to repair, but honestly I don't think I've got the strength.

If you can't sort this out for yourself what's left?

A life with a man you can't trust again,your children will have parents don't talk to each other.

You have the strength,you just worn down at the moment,you need a plan of action..

Actions now are what's required,if your husband won't lead nor drive you have to do it,its sink or swim.

You can get through this and you can carry your children too,but you need help,family support,councilling,maybe consult the citizens advice if there's one in your area.

If you stay static,nothing will change.

Also this has gone in my favour, all I need to do is get my solicitor to get a copy of that statement if I wish to divorce.

You are very wise and give great advise.

I afraid I can't say if that will hold or not,I know very little about the law,or what state you are in.

The best I can offer if that's what you are thinking ,is to consult with a solicitor and /or ask a question in the law section of the site,for some guidance.

Whatever you decide you do,I wish you the very best of luck.

I am having problems, my husband cheated on me, I am trying very hard to keep my family together,I do not feel comfortable with him any more, I feel he doesn't love me anymore and is not sexually attracted to me. The stress is effecting our sex life badly,He won't leave, he says he loves me. I can't go on like this, I keep thnking he is seeing her at lunch time for sex, that's why he can't manage it wth me. He says its all the stress, and I put him under pressure. I don't think so, we have been together for 16 years with no trouble in the bedroom. Do you think I am jumping to conclusins.

My husband cheated on me, He won't leave, He says he loves me and can't see his future without me. Since I found out he has had problems in the bedroom. I keep thinking its me he's not attracted to any more, He says it's the stress of what's happened that's effecting him. I keep thinking he's with her at lunch time, that's why he can't perform with me. Am I jumping to conclusions or do you think I'm right.

He cheated on you.

Its normal you feel like he can't be trusted and in all fairness you probably can't.

It's commendable that you're trying to keep your family together but I don't think you'll ever get over the fact that he cheated on you. Sorry, that's just life.

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