Marioski, your username should be ping-pong ball. You are being played back and forth. Go get a lawyer, Monday.

I see no future for this relationship whatsoever, between her manipulation and your stubborn refusal to open your eyes. Yes, you're partly to blame, BUT SO IS SHE!

Maybe she does want to go back to dating, but the key here is her insistence on secrecy. If her family hears she's quit again it may actually help.

Do not let her do this to you. Get yourself a lawyer. Get her a Doctor. Oh, yeah, get yourself a priest or minister who boxes to smack you when you go blind to her needs on the off chance you can work things out.

Well her parents know now. Her mom is fairly disappointed in this entire situation and how it's being handled by her. Unfortunately, she knows her daughter better then I do and said that once she has made her mind up that's it and see figures there's no turning back now. I had asked her to talk to her and she will.

I do need to talk to her dad. I plan on going over to their house this week, sit down with the both of them and discuss this. Maybe they can help.

My parents know as well. She wanted to talk to wife, if I can call her that, and see if she can talk some sense into her.

This whole situation is just an emotional rollercoaster. I will call a counselor on Monday and make an appointment. At least then I know I'm doing everything I can on my part.

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Originally Posted by Marioski

Well her parents know now. Her mom is fairly dissappointed in this entire situation and how it's being handled by her. Unfortunately, she knows her daughter better then I do and said that once she has made her mind up that's it and see figures there's no turning back now. I had asked her to talk to her and she will.

I do need to talk to her dad. I plan on going over to their house this week, sit down with the both of them and discuss this. Maybe they can help.

My parents know as well. She wanted to talk to wife, if I can call her that, and see if she can talk some sense into her.

This whole situation is just an emotional rollercoaster. I will call a counselor on Monday and make an appointment. At least then I know I'm doing everything I can on my part.

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She wants it to be a secret? Post it as your Facebook status. :-D

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Originally Posted by stevetcg

She wants it to be a secret? Post it as your facebook status. :-D

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LOL. I actually kind of did. I just my relationship status on Facebook and put out a comment that will get people to think. Already had a bunch of people call me on it.

You've already gone behind her back and brought in her family. That's not good. She will only be defensive and blame you now. Get your butt to see a lawyer ASAP, and be armed with the truth of your power and the limits of hers. Then at least she can't intimidate or frustrate you with words of a "secret" divorce.

With that knowledge, at least you can have your side in this and not all hers. Before the counseling, the consultation with an attorney in family law.

That's how you can confront her idiotic demands that are making a wuss out of you so you can FORM a plan to get to the truth, and not be blindsided if she is already seen one.

Once she is convinced you will stand, and just not rollover, she comes with it, divorcing you, or has to stop, and think of her next move to get what she wants. I bet the last thing she wants to hear is your leaving, and she has to pay you half the mortgage, and all the utilities, or SHE has to go.

Why take her crap when she has as much to loose as you do.

Facebook may be good way of keeping in touch with other people, however, it is not a good way to work out your marital problems. Playing games with putting up notices or changing your status is childish and something that I am very tired of seeing teenagers do.

Act like an adult. Remember that there are CHILDREN caught up in the mess that you and your wife have managed to create.

Banging doors and shouting is bad enough for one morning. They don't need 10 years of daddy and mommy at each other's throats and that is where this is headed with consulting parents behind her back and her wanting to keep things 'secret'. Don't allow her manipulations and demands to cause you to lose sight of the fact that you have a duty to keep things on as amicable a basis as you can. Whether your marriage survives or not, you have to be able to communicate for the rest of your lives about raising your children and other events in their lives.

Counseling should help you both determine whether the marriage is salvageable or to be able to part on amicable terms for the sake of the CHILDREN.

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Originally Posted by Cat1864

Facebook may be good way of keeping in touch with other people, however, it is not a good way to work out your marital problems. Playing games with putting up notices or changing your status is childish and something that I am very tired of seeing teenagers do.

Act like an adult. Remember that there are CHILDREN caught up in the mess that you and your wife have managed to create.

Banging doors and shouting is bad enough for one morning. They don't need 10 years of daddy and mommy at each other's throats and that is where this is headed with consulting parents behind her back and her wanting to keep things 'secret'. Don't allow her manipulations and demands to cause you to lose sight of the fact that you have a duty to keep things on as amicable a basis as you can. Whether your marriage survives or not, you have to be able to communicate for the rest of your lives about raising your children and other events in their lives.

Counseling should help you both determine whether the marriage is salvageable or to be able to part on amicable terms for the sake of the CHILDREN.

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Good points. Sometimes you just need to walk away. I don't know what tempted me but I looked at the phone records again. They are updated in real time. The number I was concerned about has texted her through out the entire day. She is going out tonight. I would love to ask her more about it, but I am not. It won't serve me any purpose at all. I won't attain any goal. Thank you to my friends for calming me down.

I told her I have scheduled an apointment for counseling. Her reply was "That's nice but we won't need that for a while". No we need that now, but I'm not going to read into it any further then that. I simply replied, it's not for you it's for me, if you like to come you are more then welcome. I got no reply other then she will pick up the phone.

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Originally Posted by Marioski

I told her I have scheduled an apointment for couseling. Her reply was "That's nice but we won't need that for a while". No we need that now, but I'm not going to read into it any further then that. I simply replied, it's not for you it's for me, if you like to come you are more then welcome. I got no reply other then she will pick up the phone.

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That is probably the best way to handle discussions about counseling right now.

Do consult a lawyer, too. Like I said there are many reasons besides divorce. Not to borrow trouble, but if you have a will, it may be an idea to have any assets you hold outside of the marital ones to be held in trust for the children or to name the individuals you want them to go to.. I would also name one of your parents as trustee for any trusts that you set aside for the children. It's not that I think she wouldn't uphold any plans you have made in the past, but she does seem a bit unstable right now.

I hope the counseling can help give you more tools for handling situation.

I think she is setting you up to take you to the cleaners myself, taking everything and leaving you nothing. That's why a lawyer makes more sense now than a counselor. To protect yourself.

You're the puppet and she's holding the strings here. Everyone has said it much better than I could possible do so.

Protect yourself and your rights to see your children. Protect yourself financially and personally because I can guarantee she will start to make up stories and twist your words and actions. Do not argue with her or put any more comments on Facebook.

Do not be naïve. Get professional legal advice and document all your suspicions about late night working and phone calls from trucker-guy.

It's hard at a time like this but you must try to think clearly and not be 'gaslighted' by her promises. Treat everything she says as potentially dishonest and don't let your (understandable) desire to fix things get in the way.

So here's a thought.

Let's assume there is someone on the side. I am wondering that maybe this person might not technically want to mess around with a married woman or my wife is feeling guilty for messing around and in order for her to continue the relationship she wants to do this immediate divorce. However, she wants to do this living arrangement in case it doesn't work out and that way she can fall back on me.

Hmmm...

And why should she go to counseling? That's nothing to "fix." If the other-guy thing doesn't work out, she can always remarry you because she knows you will take her back in an instant.

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Originally Posted by Marioski

So here's a thought.

Let's assume there is someone on the side. I am wondering that maybe this person might not technically want to mess around with a married woman or my wife is feeling guilty for messing around and in order for her to continue the relationship she wants to do this immediate divorce. However, she wants to do this living arrangment in case it doesn't work out and that way she can fall back on me.

Hmmm...

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That's exactly what I said. IF it is true, and 'the secret' is a man on the side, then it is a win-win for her if you go along with her plan.

I don't think you have any idea what you are really dealing with here.

Think about terms of your own, without any secrets. And let her know its going to be all above board, no silence, all out in the open. Let the cards fall where they may.

First thing Monday, call in to work sick and hire a family law attorney, before noon. They are also called counselors. Odds are she has one. Get your assets and your childrens' rights secured. I predict this is going to turn into a headline and you need to be prepared for the worst.

Thank you to everyone for all the words and advice. I also spent some time talking to a very close friends mom. She is unbiased and away from the entire situation to sway her decision. I have a game plan and that is to protect my own in this situation. Hope for the best - expect the worst. I came to the conclusion my wife feels she has no control over anything. The walls are caving in. Between the issues with the baby (where she had absolutely no control), being sleep deprived at her job due to doing an over night shift (health care), coming home to two active kids and having to watch them, finances, a husband that she feels does not listen... well she feels overwhelmed and out of control. She needs to have control over one aspect in her life and that's me via a divorce. Her goal is set and unfortunately I don't think I'll change her mind. I am playing along with her as I think her proposal stacks the cards up in my favor anyway (especially with the division or marital property - she doesn't want to claim any of it), however have a plan B and discuss with my lawyer her plan and if it favors me so I can kick her out of the house later if need be.

I will be getting a consultation from an attorney to figure out what my rights are and how I should plan this out. My job also has an Employee Assistance Program that offers counseling, therapy and support. Fortunately my job allows me to balance work and family great, especially in stressful times. I will be calling them first thing tomorrow and setting up some sort of support for myself. I will be documenting all the times she is going out to have her "girls night out" while I am at home watching the kids. I will be getting myself back together to show that I am the more stable parent emotionally and financially should a custody issue arrise.

In the meantime... I will accept her plan (with a plan of my own on top of hers) to make her feel she is in control. I am also giving her her space. I have already suggested that she go move in with her parents for 6 months, stress parents only while I will make sure to have the kids taken care of and everything else. She is considering that.

Everything that may have been a "bad" post on Facebook has been removed. No need to give anyone any ammunition against me. I am the more stable person here.

I will update you guys with any behavior changes with my wife. I can honostly say she's not cheating on me (yes... I know someone will say I'm an idiot) but my gut says she's not. She is probably getting and seeking attention and of course she can't do that from me. I can say she's not acting on it. Like I said, I'm hoping for the best. I know the process is going to take a few months and if she gets her space and feels herself regaining control, then just maybe we might have a chance. Otherwise I still will be making sure to cover my own a$$.

I am glad to see your proactive in your own behalf and not taking the wallowing in self pity route and doing nothing.

I wish you luck, and hope it works out.