I am sorry it was the last post that annoyed me all others are valid and I respect them as they are good sound feed back and advice.

I am so grateful to everyone and feel this has brought to the table help for my family.

My husband has confided in me things from his child years and it was a different way to my loving upbringing, he was not beaten but he was raised with a loving mum and aggressive dad the fact he wants to see someone to me shows there is light, if we all turned our backs how can we heal.

I was raised with a loving family with freedom and country farm life I was lucky x

bless you all x

I hope things go well for you. It sounds like a very difficult situation, but you said that things are getting better, I sure hope that they stay that way,m for all of your sakes. :)

Wow great talk thanks so much bless your heart xxxxxxxxxxxxx

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Originally Posted by Hagen

Wow great talk thanks so much bless your heart xxxxxxxxxxxxx

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Well I know how difficult these situations are. When I was younger, my mom was with an abusive man. Unfortunately it did not get better, and he ended up hitting her. He did not try to make progress. It's good to hear that your husband seems to be making an effort. :)

I have to pray though I have to try lol... I am not a christian or religious but I feel I should be right now ;o)f

That must have been hard for you as a kid bless you so x

There are some things bothering me.

I am not sure how much stock I put in your comments that have been made after he read the thread and was shocked.

Let's see:

Your French that wasn't good enough to go to a counselor three days ago is now good enough to converse with other parents.

You aren't "isolated" any more.

It is all your fault very little of his. He had a rough upbringing and is under a lot of stress.

He grabbed your face while you were holding a baby and told you to "shut up", but he would never resort to physical violence (is hitting the only form of physical violence?).

Somehow, I think we are hearing his side of the story now.

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Originally Posted by Hagen

I have to pray though I have to try lol...I am not a christian or religious but I feel I should be right now ;o)f

That must have been hard for you as a kid bless you so x

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Sometimes life throws us a hardball. It's all in how you catch it and throw it back. :)

Had to spread the rep, Cat, but your observations are valid in my opinion.

You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to Cat1864 again.

Sure see your point but I was upset that morning after we both slept for 2 hours and have not really had a decent sleep for 4 years due to night duties with winkles, sure I see your point but I was ready to leave as I was shocked and upset, I in trouble with work and can do no more if he is seeing a doctor what more do I do, I have four beautiful kids who laugh and love there dad and I see a man who isn't theman I married he changed 2 years ago with his temper he is aware and we are going to have a bash, call me stupid but this is what I want to do about this right now.

He is seeing a Doctor next week what more can he or I do so let me crack on and I will keep you posted, this is not a court room is it?

I speak freely I read the threads to him to help us he is not looking from my account or on a PC.

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Originally Posted by Hagen

Sure see your point but I was upset that morning after we both slept for 2 hours and have not really had a decent sleep for 4 years due to night duties with winkles, sure I see your point but I was ready to leave as I was shocked and upset, I in trouble with work and can do no more if he is seeing a doctor what more do I do, I have four beautiful kids who laugh and love there dad and I see a man who isnt theman I married he changed 2 years ago with his temper he is aware and we are going to have a bash, call me stupid but this is what I want to do about this right now.

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I don't think you're being stupid at all. I think it's a very good idea to put effort into repairing your marriage before you throw in the towel. These situations are difficult, and your husband should NEVER treat you the way he has been, but if he's REALLY serious, and he's REALLY committed to changing, and you actually see results, I don't believe there is anything wrong with wanting to work through it. Marriage is supposed to be a lifetime commitment.

I've noticed something, The divorce rate is idiculous. I think that people don't take the part about "for better or for worse" seriously when they get married. If they are only there for the better,and aren't ready for the "worse" then they probably shouldn't be getting married in the first place.

Of course there are obvious exceptions, I'm sure I don't need to explain those.

It seems like you're taking the "for worse" head-on and working on making it "for better"
I wish you the best of luck in this, because it can be very difficult.

There was another point I was going to make, but I can't remember it off the top of my head.

Anywa, BEST WISHES. :)

Thanks very much on this and I hope it comes back to you your point that is lol x

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Originally Posted by Hagen

Thanks very much on this and i hope it comes back to you your point that is lol x

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Yeah, I sure hope so too. :) Thanks!

My younger daught for the first time has gone to nursery school ;o) ;o( happy and sad to say ye bye lol x

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Originally Posted by Hagen

My younger daught for the first time has gone to nursery school ;o) ;o( happy and sad to say ye bye lol x

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Nah you're not sying goodbye! You've still got at least another 13 years just living with her. :) It's just the first step toward becoming a wonderful independent adult in the future. :)

Your right I am off for a walk with my baby and dog then I might just squeeze a cream cake in after wards with a nice cuppa English cha lol x It is funny the house has never been so quiet although it is only for 3 hours then it is bedlum again lol

Bye x ;o)

No, this isn't a court room, although if it were, your husband would likely have been charged after he threw you to the ground, and charged with domestic assault.

I too wish you success, but after re-reading your first post, and then what you added later on about it going on for two years now, he really has some huge issues to overcome.

While I admire you for doing your best to save your marriage, 'for better or worse' doesn't normally include domestic assault and verbal abuse.

I don't see anybody calling a spade a spade here. I see pussyfooting around, and justifying behaviour, and putting reality on the back burner.

If he is seeing his Doctor for assistance, I haven't heard that the assistance will be requested by him, for referral to counselling for anger management. It is still all about him if he thinks that stress is the 'cause' of his behaviour, and a couple of anti-depressants and a visit to the Doctor is going to fix everything.

Change will require much, much more.

I really sincerely hope that he can change his life around and you can all live your lives in peace without fear of his mood swings and resulting behaviour. But, it will take a lot of hard work on his part, and so far I don't get the impression from what you've said, that he's thinking he has a problem other than stress.

Just my opinion here, and you could be the exception to the rule, and everything will come up roses, but in the off chance you are like millions of other women who's mates do not change, I do hope you have a plan for the future to get away. Even if you never use it, which I hope you won't.

Best of luck in the meanwhile, I hope you let us know what your husband is willing to do to make changes in his life.

Thanks very much for your posting I take on board and respect all that you say in the points raised.

All the best and I agree with a contingency I already have one minutes away if needed with all family aware and ready.

X

I forgot to mention I am not the same with him since the grab of the face when it happened a week ago, I am sincere but very cold and he is noticing to the point he is worried I might go. I am feeling stronger since your help and it has kept me suspisious of his general manner, he knows I am on guard.

His manner is being constantly observed and I can assure you he has no life lines left he he shouts he's out.

I was struggling being isolated despite being a country girl at heart due to small kids etc but when you have them everyda they in the hot summer for 8 weeks before there nursery/school it wears you out and I think I saw all negative when I posted my first post as it had just happened and I wanted to walk.

Each night we have talked on the sofa when we have put kids to bed and both agreed to make steps inclusive of Doctor and then what ever he is referred to from there.

Most folk have an outlet be it sport or a drink with a pal, he does nothing since kids as he works all the time due to needing to provide as I don't work at the moment.
He has been supportive for me to go swimming and sauna each week and I haven't been for ages but am going again as of now,
I have told him to play golf with a teacher from our little school so he is now going to do something for him, I think due to issues resentment has become evil and we know we are at the end of the line, we both know it is make or break now so I hope and him to that we can get through this difficult time.
I think he is deep rooted selfish but so am I and it is a big lesson of how to treat others or else kind of situation.

When he grabbed my face I haven't forgiven him I saw evil and it will haunt me for a long time, but I do know one thing I have tried so if nothing else I will always know this.

Thanks again

I hope it is OK but I am going to now on a weekly basis keep postings on here I feel comforted by you and feel happy your listening.

Thanks and bless you x