Ask Me Help Desk - Wife says that she does not love me!

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jake2008

I'm a little miffed about the behaviour of your wife. She just knocked you on your derrierre with the fact that she doesn't love you anymore, and she has no reasons for that?

Unless she has the intelligence of a knat, she can surely explain WHY she feels that way, how long she's felt that way, and why it came out now, in this blunt, selfish, and disrespectful way?

Just what is her problem. If things were so bad, why didn't she say something! This didn't happen overnight, as she said. Was she walking around depressed dragging her feet, crying all night long, moaning and complaining, mascara running down her face when you came home from work? The house dishevelled, kids in dirty diapers, bills not getting paid? Is this the sort of thing you didn't notice, or was it business as usual.

I know I'm over the top with the examples, but I'm trying to point out, that a person simply cannot go for a long period of time in obvious distress about her marriage, and not say anything???

Did she ever once sit you down and say, "We need to talk", or "I've been feeling really depressed over our marriage", or "I want us to have marriage counselling because you aren't listening to me", or "I'm telling you for the last time, you have to communicate", anything? Anything at all?

Just right out of the blue she decides she doesn't love you, and can't back it up.

I'm sorry, but I do not see it as your fault, the way you have written your post. I'm not going to assume you are a mind reader, or have a crystal ball, or consult regularly with psychics. Is there a whole lot more to the story here, that you aren't saying?

Yes she compliant about stuff that I stopped doing at home, like cleaning after the dogs all the time, that I was spending more time with my PC than with her, that I was not romantic, I had stopped giving her little details demonstrating that I still loved her, that my priorities had changed and that if I knew what was good for me that I should get them right again. This was given to me in an email last New Year’s eve. I changed and corrected some of the things that she was telling me about, and it seemed that things were OK afterwards. Then sometimes she would ask me if I still loved her, and I tell year I still do, then during my last vacation we had intimacy and it felt like she was just there with no feelings involved and I felt really bad, and we did not speak about it. Then a couple of day after I started noticing a strange behavior with her cell phone, she was taking everywhere specially to the bathroom or our room and it seemed to me that she was hiding something from me! Two days afterwards I saw her go into our room as soon as her cell phone rang and I quickly went through the back of the house and started to listen to the conversation, I could not hear much but I her enough to understand that she was talking to a male. I then went back into the house and into the room and asked her nicely who was she talking to and she answered that it was her friend Lisa. I then said why are you lying? Why? Why? She then responded “Willie I’ll call you later” She said that he is just a friend, and I said why hide it then?? After that I confronted her again after a few days because I kept noticing thing where not right, and that when she said “remember a couple of days ago when you asked me if thing where different, well they are, I do not love you any more, I care a lot, I adore you, I cannot be without you” and she also said the she no longer wanted to have intimacy with me. I felt like crap! I said “it’s over then” she responded “give me time and let’s see what happens” and next Monday we are going to our first counseling session. But I heard her tell her friend that she is only going so that I cannot say that she did not try! But that her decision was made a while back.

Well, our first marriage counseling appointment past, I did understand one thing from this meeting, That the affection that I am looking for is not the one I'm looking for. The one that she is currently giving me is a little bit more than the affection that you give a friend. Now, I even grab her pillow, just to smell her sent. I cannot see myself without her. I really wish very very much that she give me another chance to show her the man the she married. This woman completes me and this is one of the reasons I married her, and another reason was because she like me for who I am because I the time I did not have much to offer her financially except my feelings witch really made me feel great. I'm a hopeless person iguess, but I cannot give up on my wife. My mid tells me to do so but my heart tell me to give it all and expect nothing! GOD listen to my cries for help!

Quote:

Originally Posted by jmjoseph

I wish only the best for you. This must be breaking your heart. She doesn't love you, but she doesn't want you to leave. Are you the primary provider?

Yes I am! And thanks for the wishes!

On the 23Dec my wife told me that she stopped loving me.But she continued that we marry on Aug 2006.She said she wanted to marry for security that I could pay her terciary/university.Now she has finished so she wants to move out of the marriage that was not there.She said she wants to discover herself now.

While in the house she is always moody and does not want us to make love.She said she does not want to pretend to my family even to my mother.She does not use the ring.We have two children a boy and a girl.

Fustrated disgranted male