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Originally Posted by Fr_Chuck

if he was out looking for someone else, he was not in "love" he was married for 17 years. No idea how many years of love there was.

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There was love the whole time!
Even now we love each other, he just says he's not in love with me. But I still see it in his eyes the way he looks at me.

I just want to know how can there be love after 17yrs and no time with the other? He's not showing her who he really is.

Your post is a bit confusing.

Did your husband leave? Is he still with you or is he with this other woman?

Can it be real? Sadly, yes, this happens more often then it should.

Sorry that you're going through this.

Good luck.

Yes, it can happen.

But it is not clear what is happening with you: is your husband still with you or did he leave ?

Good luck !

It is a bit confusing, but I think you're saying that he has been texting back and forth with a woman he's known all of his life.

You contacted the woman's husband about them texting each other, and he threw her out.

Your husband chose her over you.

I guess the plus side is you forced the issue, and he's made his choice. It is entirely possible for anybody to fall in love quickly. Harder to fall out of love with someone you've been with for 17 years.

That it has happened is a bitter pill to swallow, and I feel sorry that this has happened to you.

Threads merged, please do not start new threads for the same issue.

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Originally Posted by fawn 1

They did not love each other back then she's 3yrs older and he had a crush!! And I did talk to him before I told her husband he said it would work its self out. When were togerther he filrts with me,when he's with her if we do talk he's really short. I don't see were there can be real love!

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I've found that lovers that grow together, stay together. If they knew one another for a long time, then maybe their love was that of just friends then it became more...

I can understand this is painful. I do wonder though, how much do you love yourself?

Peace and kindness be with you.

P.S. did you read my longer posts I know they are long and a bit hard to understand due to my not good spelling/grammer?

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Originally Posted by Nestorian

I'P.S. did you read my longer posts I know they are long and a bit hard to understand due to my not good spelling/grammer?

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Your posts are always long except for this one. :-)

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Originally Posted by ScottGem

Threads merged, please do not start new threads for the same issue.

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Sorry this is all new to me. Lot of diff stuff going threw my head. I kind of confuse myself some times.

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Originally Posted by Altenweg

Your post is a bit confusing.

Did your husband leave? Is he still with you or is he with this other woman?

Can it be real? Sadly, yes, this happens more often then it should.

Sorry that you're going through this.

Good luck.

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We still live together, but were not together. Yes he and the other woman are dating. That's what I don't get how can u love some one and then just like that u say u love some one elas.

Fawn, I don't know why your putting yourself through this. Your husband has cheated and is still cheating with this woman so how much longer are you going stay and try to sort out his reasons behind his doggish behavior.

Staying just for the kids sake isn't no good at all and they can sense when things aren't right.

Stop trying to mend somehing that is unmendable and unfixable. If you stay with your husband in this unhealthy environment it will only lead to depression for yoi and do you really think your husband would care? No because he has his mistress.

What are you waiting for? For him to pack his bags and leave? Again, for your own sanity leave.

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Originally Posted by fawn 1

We still live together, but were not together. Yes he and the other woman are dating. That's what I don't get how can u love some one and then just like that u say u love some one elas.

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It's posible to love more than one person. That's one reason I think people get so confused about love. If you are with some one, then be with them. If you think you love some one else, ignore that feeling, as it is probably just your "appetitive pleasure system" giving you dopamine making you think, "I love that, I need that, I want that, etc..." This is a conditioned response to the novelty of the situation.

If you don't love some one, then confess to them, and let them go. Other wise you are just lying.

Then again, you can simply accept he loves her, and try finding yourself again. As I imagine that must be extreamly hard, but there isn't much else you can do, is there?

Peace and kindness be with you.

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Originally Posted by liz28

Fawn, I don't know why your putting yourself through this. Your husband has cheated and is still cheating with this woman so how much longer are you going stay and try to sort out his reasons behind his doggish behavior.

Staying just for the kids sake isn't no good at all and they can sense when things aren't right.

Stop trying to mend somehing that is unmendable and unfixable. If you stay with your husband in this unhealthy enviroment it will only lead to depression for yoi and do you really think your husband would care? No because he has his mistress.

What are you waiting for? For him to pack his bags and leave? Again, for your own sanity leave.

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I don't know about leaving that's up to you to decide, but I do agree with Liz, she has much wisedom, but you have to listen for it.

First, "...putting yourself through this."-Liz You are hurt, and putting energy into a relationship that is only there because you are staying there. He doesn't seem to be the man you love/loved. You don't need to punish yourself, and you are no less a person for leaving him.

His reasons are his own and he will have to live with them. You don't have to hate him, but you don't have to sit by and watch him being reckless with your heart, and more importantly, you don't be reckless with your heart. It's worth more than you think... Just like you.

If you stay for the kids, then the tention and anger, sorrow, hurt, pain, and suffering soaks into them. They sense these things and don't know what to make of them. Later in life can lead to all kinds of issues, including, sexual disfuntion, emotional irationalities, Mood disorders, and self destructing behaviour. Believe me, I know, my muther stayed with my father, and I Had to deal with most those issues. It's different for every one.

You can not change his mind, he seems to have made it up. Things will get you down sooner or later, and you really don't want that. Its self sacraficing, and that's not going to get "you" any where but down.

What ever you decide to do, make sure you do it for you. Please bare inmind that you are a person, smart, strong, independent, and capable. Don't be afraid to live your life.

Peace and kindness be with you.

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Originally Posted by Nestorian

I don't know about leaving thats up to you to decide, but I do agree with Liz, she has much wisedom, but you have to listen for it.

First, "...putting yourself through this."-Liz You are hurt, and putting energy into a relationship that is only there because you are staying there. He doesnt' seem to be the man you love/loved. You don't need to punish yourself, and you are no less a person for leaving him.

His reasons are his own and he will have to live with them. You don't have to hate him, but you don't have to sit by and watch him being reckless with your heart, and more importantly, you don't be reckless with your heart. It's worth more than you think... Just like you.

If you stay for the kids, then the tention and anger, sorrow, hurt, pain, and suffering soaks into them. They sense these things and don't know what to make of them. Later in life can lead to all kinds of issues, including, sexual disfuntion, emotional irationalities, Mood disorders, and self destructing behaviour. Believe me, i know, my muther stayed with my father, and I Had to deal with most those issues. It's different for every one.

You can not change his mind, he seems to have made it up. Things will get you down sooner or later, and you really dont' want that. Its self sacraficing, and thats not going to get "you" any where but down.

What ever you decide to do, make sure you do it for you. Please bare inmind that you are a person, smart, strong, independent, and capable. Don't be affraid to live your life.

Peace and kindness be with you.

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I know or feel a little more each day that I have to change how I'm dealing with this. Its really hard we have been best friends for ever. Then one day she walks he follows. I need to move on for me that's what I get from every one. My little sis is one. My kids say the same, older won't do anything with him,smaller 2 will go just so they can go with there dad. Kids are 17,16,13,12. Im going to start to save so money so I can get out of the house,then it might be easy. I also help take care of his mom cause he's not there. I know I'm going on guess I just need to vent a little. Thanks for all of yalls answers. I would love to hear anything that can help me threw this mess.

Well its done tonight was the last straw. I sent afunny little fwd and she text me from his phone. It said b... leave hin alone. I called he said it was a joke I herd her laughing in the back. So that's it I'm nobodys fool! Making plans to get my kids and money and I'm out of here! Please pray for me its going to be hard. He thinks I won't make it but he will see. Any words would help. Thank you for yalls advice.

When he came home he said he was sorry. To late its done. Im going to stay here as short of a time as I can to save up money. Then I'm out of here. Let them see what they r doing will never work. My kids r coming with me he thinks they will stay with him. WRONG! Child suport will break him I get the last laugh!

That is right, make sure that you get anything especially child support. Both of them had a lot of nerves to do what they did but most likely they were laughing behind your back all along.

I glad that you finally is doing what is right for you and kids because this situation was very unhealthy. Stay strong and prove him wrong. You can do bad by yourself.

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Originally Posted by liz28

That is right, make sure that you get anything especially child support. Both of them had alot of nerves to do what they did but most likely they were laughing behind your back all along.

I glad that you finally is doing what is right for you and kids because this situation was very unhealthy. Stay strong and prove him wrong. You can do bad by yourself.

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Thank ypu for your support. I don't know how its going to be, but I told my kids we will be OK. Im going to be OK. Maybe not right now, but it will happen. Again thank you, I will let you know how things are going. Im a strong person love just kind of blinds you some times. They say a fool in love will do most anything! Guess no make that I know I do! Nomore! Im 35 I have a lot to look fwd to! Thanks your a good giver of your mind. Hope to here from you soon.

I wish you the best of luck to and it takes time to heal. Healing doesn't happen over night. I know when I went through a heart breaking break-up Gloria Gaynor song "I will survive" give me strength and it became my motto "I will survive". I realize I could survive anything because what don't kill you only makes you stronger.

Keep me posted and you can always come on here to vent. I hope you have friends and family to support you as well.

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Originally Posted by fawn 1

When he came home he said he was sorry. To late its done. Im going to stay here as short of a time as I can to save up money. Then im out of here. Let them see what they r doing will never work. My kids r coming with me he thinks they will stay with him. WRONG!! Child suport will break him I get the last laugh!!

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Has he had affairs in the past? When he came home and said he was sorry, what did that mean, that he wanted to save his marriage?

And why are you leaving, he should be the one leaving. To uproot yourself and all your children doesn't make sense to me, at least right now.

I don't want to beat a dead horse, but if he is starting to come around, some time outside the house would send a clear message and might just 'sober' him up.

I know that won't be a particularly popular idea, but, husbands (and wives) have affairs, marriages recover, people make mistakes.

Maybe it is time to think past the hurt and confusion, and be prepared for him to want to keep his marriage together. What is he prepared to do if that is the case at all.