Thank you all for your responses. This is a situation that has somewhat been taken care of, but still lays heavily on my mind.
My indescretions caused my wife to read my text messsages, and she continued questioning me about unrelated texts, so I thought I'd look at hers. Inappropriate, maybe, but something was bothering me.
When I confronted her, she said that what I did with my emotional affair effected her in a way that led to her inappropriate conversations, but later retracted it, saying she was just making an excuse.
She insisted that it never got physical, and it was never even at a point that either of them acknowledged that they had any feelings toward each other.
I questioned her on inappropriate comments she may have made to him, but she can't seem to remember. That bothers me.
I was originally going to call the guy, but my wife insisted I don't. It would, admittedly, affect her work environment, and she assured me that she could stop the comments by just reacting in a disinterested way. These comments usually happen when idle conversation is going on, so she'd involve herself less in those. In the meantime, may become more productive at work.
I believe that my wife had feelings for this guy, and let this stuff go on for the titilation of it. I think she enjoyed it more than she leads on that she did.
My emotional affair was admitted, opened up, dissected, and put to rest (though she does bring it up occasionally, I appreciate her acceptance of it). I don't feel that her situation, though not as severe as mine, was ever completely taken care of. I don't think she realizes that she puts herself into positions that makes me very uncomfortable.
Case in point: She had her work Christmas party on Tuesday night (She asked me to go, but I couldn't make it, which I'm sure relieved her). She had asked me if I minded if they went for drinks afterwards ("they" means about 4 or 5 of them). I asked her some questions about the night, and she told me that the guy who sent the messages was very drunk at the bar, so she offered to drive him home. He declined, as far as she said.
My problem is, what if he took her up on it? She's going to come home and tell me that she drove him home, drunk, at midnight? What am I supposed to think at that point? How many problems are we supposed to have over this until she gets it?
I'm worried that, with the state of our mutual mistrust, she's going to put herself in a position that's going to advance my suspicions, not end them. And my jealous reactions will further jeaporize our marriage.
We're both getting counseling, in case you were going to ask.
Again, thank you all. This has given me the ability to talk to someone, besides my therapist, and get things off my chest.
