There my new favorite word again - compromise!!

This gal has been pinning away for this guy for over 5 years. I suspect he dumped her. Obviously he has something over her. She forgets WHY they broke - women do this all the time. I am sure he hasn't changed either. How girl friends did he have? Is he the hot sexy bad boy?

I hate this musician guy as well - bothering a MARRIED woman. What a loser.

She doesn't realize he setting his 'tour chicks' - he wants a rendezvous while he is town. This gal doesn't get that. He doesn't want to be with her long term... jus twhile in town - gal in every port.

And this lady defends this musician guy - he is a complete loser.

Let it go lady.

You can tell with this lady it's all about ME. I think, as I can tell by her, posts her husband is going to have a hard time here. She is really selfish and if he doesn't let her go she WILL resent him and hold it against. She doesn't get it one bit - there lies the real reason why she is so unhappy. And WILL blame him, when in fact, as in most cases, she needs to look in the mirror to find the root of the problem.

Well, I am a woman, and I am telling you to listen to what some of these guys are saying... She is cheating (even if not physically, like you said.)
How could somebody that is married to you and is supposed to be loyal and honest with you forever do that. She is steadily slapping you in the face-There is no easy answer. You could give her an ultimatum (did I say that right?)but chances are, that could also push her away to the arms of another man... Even if it did, she would be back eventually. Like someone else said earlier, there is a reason why they broke up in the first place. There is no real easy answer as far as what to do. For right now until time moves on a little more, just do what you can handle.

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Originally Posted by Depressedandconfused

This is depressed and confused's wife. First off you guys don't know me. I am not a bad person. Actually I am a good person. I have apologized numerous times and told him I don't mean to hurt his feelings. I have never cheated in my life and am not going to sleep with him if I went to the concert. I just wanted to hang out with a good friend from my past. If I took hubby, he would sulk the whole time and I would just feel bad and no one would have fun. I thought I deserved to have a fun time since I never do. my ex and I were friends first and share a special connection. I haven't had real friends in so long you don't even know. I miss being able to have a meaningful conversation with someone. That is why i really don't want to stop talking to him. I do love him and can't help that. He is a good person and we connect. I have no intention of hurting my family. I love them. It is hard. I can stop talking to my ex/friend and make my hubby happy, but I will be sad not to have him to talk to anymore. It's unfair to everyone. My hubby is leaving things out of his posts. I guess I'm just supposed to ignore my own feelings and be the perfect robot wife everyone wants me too. Don't judge me. Can someone understand what I am saying?

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My friend, if you were my wife doing what you've been doing and harboring the attitudes you have you'd be another divorce statistic and you'd have to suffer the indignity of explaining to the judge why you and not your husband should get custody of your daughter. We'd also be fighting over the house, car, dog, alimony, child support and every other thing you can think of. Not to mention telling your family why your husband is no longer around. I’d make your life a living he_l, you can bet on it. You’d have absolutely no time or strength left for this “friend” or anyone else in your life. Not to mention that if your "buddy" ever crossed my path he’d be very sorry he did! No wonder you don't want your husband going to that concert with you! If I were in his shoes you certainly wouldn't want me going either, mark my words! You should thank your lucky stars that your husband is too kind-hearted to take that approach. He's understanding beyond belief to actually still want to try and save your marriage rather than casting you out like most men would. No doubt you take advantage of him because he’s so understanding. I’m sorry if you think I’m being judgmental and maybe I am but you’re a wife and mother so grow up and start being one! You can’t hide behind a façade of “I’m a good person” and all the other excuses you’ve made up for yourself. Your family comes first, before anyone or anything else. That includes ex-boyfriends of over 4 years ago. If you need to have a “meaningful conversation” with someone, try your husband. He certainly seems understanding and sympathetic enough that anyone ought to be able to communicate with him. As other posters have suggested, if this “friend” of yours is so understanding and such a brilliant conversationalist then why did you ever break up with him? Why didn’t you just marry him? Is it because you knew that he, like most men, would never tolerate this nonsense from you? Did you need someone you knew you could take advantage of? I’m sorry to pick you apart like this but as a husband and father myself I have to take great exception to your entire post. Attitudes like yours make a mockery out of the institution of marriage.

There are many components to a relationship... one big one is trust. Do you trust your wife to do the right thing and say the right things when she is talking to this other man or if she were to go see him? If you believe or know that you can not trust your wife in either of these situations, it's time to step up and let her know she's gone beyond the boundries of just being old friends. You probably had no reason not to trust her before this I would guess... This is about two people who are disrespecting what the two of you made a commitment to do. If she can't end it after knowing how you feel and knowing what it is doing to your marriage and life together, then she is too far into the out of bounds area to come back.

This is depressed and confused by the way. Just wanted to give an update. We went to marriage counseling, and that went all right. The counselor suggested for her to stop talking to him. She wasn't going to and has told him that she can't talk anymore, although it upsets her greatly. My wife is a unique and special person, and its hard for people who don't know her to understand her. We are still going through are stuff, but at least this is a start. I no I don't meet some of her needs, but I do care for her and we do have a daughter, and I hope this is enough to keep the family together. We are going to continue counseling, but she still says she needs time to figure things out. I am willing to wait and see what she decides to do. If she does leave me, what are my odds of getting to keep the kid? I know if my wife does leave me, she would move to Arizona. I know it would be hard for a man to have custody of his young daughter, but I will do whatever I have to do to keep her.

I have to say I am quite confused by two people switching IDs and posting in each other's threads, especially when they deal with wondering about custody of children amongst everything else.
Good luck with the counselling, both of you.

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Originally Posted by giggles

I have to say I am quite confused by two people switching IDs and posting in each other's threads, especially when they deal with wondering about custody of children amongst everything else.
Good luck with the counselling, both of you.

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Sorry about the confusion. The wife was the last one on here and it didn't log out, and I noticed it after I posted the last message.

Depressed and confused - well that's a start.

I don't understand her feelinsg at all. She needs counseling on her own I suspect. She fails to forget why she is not with that guy in the first place. AND why would a women want to be with a guy who DOESN'T RESPECT MARRIAGE. He will ljust cheat on her.

Relationships are built on trsut, respect, and give and take. I don't trust her. Be careful.

Glad she went to counseling - you need to go for a long time to get anything out of it. One time is like 1% of the way there. It takes months to open up.

Your Wife Is Completely Out Of Line. She Is Suppose To Concentrating On How To Be A Virtous Wife For You. The Bible Says That A Woman Must Be Obedient To Her Husband. If She Loves You She Should Humbly Seek Your Forgiveness And Get Back In Line By Being A Loving Wife For You. Sorry 4 Being So Strict But I Hope It Helps. Ill Keep U In My Prayers.

Why do people keep posting on very old threads. It's happening a lot lately

I would be really careful, it is never a good situation when a third party is involved in a marriage.

First of all I am 24 years old and people would think that I am still when to this situations,I myself have a similar experiences regardinbg you're situation.by the way my wife is older than me of 7 years and off course she have been with guys before me but I didn't exist at that time.Before we decided to get married we were being honest with each other just to invest more and learn new things about each others past so that way you know what happens in the past that's been occure aleady.a lot of time my wife's ex boyfriend emailed her.this is what my wife did.she emailed her ex boyfriend and tell him off to stop emailing him because she is married.this guy would still email her or call her.one time my wife answered the phone and tell the guy again to stop without me telling my wife what to do because she understand what I feels.that guy still keep bugging my wife and this is the time that I called the guy up and tell him straight to stop bothering my wife don't talk like you're mad at the guy but talk to him like a man and he should talk to you like a man as well.but if he is getting mad at you because of some silly or immaturity reasons then he is just jealous and wanting his ex girlfriend to come back.just tell the guy whatever you think that can help him to understand that whatever happens before that is before and now is reality.thats a brackish feeling for him.but then if you're wife still talk to him or through phone,email or text then that is something and that is fishy because you're wife's ex will be somewhere near or who knows.if there is nothing going bad you're wife would bring you and be proud that she got married with you and show the world that she is married to you.she should respect you're feeling if she really love you.or maybe she having lust with her ex boyfriend.what I would do is to talk to her straight up just be ready whatever that conversation leads you and just accept the outcome.I hope everything will be fine and don't forget sometimes jealousy is the instrument how to measure love,but love is unmeasurable.also women don't think about the past that happens to them they just uses the lesson from their past.love will speak.thank you.808state