Ask Me Help Desk - Is my husband abusive?

Quote:

Originally Posted by smokedetector

ky,

I wonder, in what situation where one partner punches the other and throws him/her to the floor would it NOT be abuse? I'd like to know. Or do you suggest his side of the story is she tripped and fell on his fists?

Silly willy... we need you to appreciate it and heed the words. Here's the deal. You have taken the time to agree with many people that have stated that you need to move on and that what he is doing is wrong etc etc, but deep inside of you, there is still this person that thinks she is in control of this situation. The only way you are in control is to leave.

Are you thinking that something good will come out of this? You are almost taking up for him or making excuses. He didn't hit you prior to the day he did it. It will be the same situation for your children; do you want that? Part of the reason that counseling hasn't worked before is that you are not allowing it to. You come back out even more confused because you are lacking the tools to deal with this situation in the first place. There is no question here! Get out and stay alive!

yeah if you come out of counseling confused it's likely because you are trying to fit him into what you need to do and you see you can't if you do the right choice.
You need to leave him in the dust and work on you 100% without him in the equation.

You came here for a solution, leave! You can make any other decision from a position of safety.

Quote:

Originally Posted by sillylilly

my husband and i recently got back together after a 6 month separation. he begged me to come back and so i did. ive loved him most of my life. we have been together for 9years and we have 3 small children together ages 1-8. i love him dearly but here lately it seems like we are getting back to where we were before our separation...which was due to him cheating. he is now talking to other girls again and it makes me feel uncomfortable. anyway thats completely off subject.

last weekend he went out with friends..which doesnt bother me at all...but when he came home i had been asleep. he woke me when he came in because he was talking on the phone. he got into bed hung up the phone and i reached across him to get something and he rubbed my back in a very sensitive way. then all of the sudden starts telling me how big of a wh*&e i was when we were separated..which by the way isnt true...and that he dont believe me he believes his friends. so i asked him who told him that and why he would believe nonsense over his wife. he became very mad and so i tried to call a friend to come and get me and my children and he snapped my cell phone in half so i took his so that i could once again try and call a friend to come and get me and my children. he then proceeded to throw me down on the floor because i had his cell phone and he started punching me in the head and arm..arm because i used it to cover my face. he has never hit me before and i can't explain why he would do it now? i dont think hes an alcholic because he very rarely drinks. im so confused i dont know if i should stay or go. i have no job and no family here. what do i do?

im truly not making excuses for him and no hes never even swung at me before.

:confused: any help would be greatly appreciated :)

Silly lilly,

He hit you. That is wrong. Pack your stuff and leave. DO NOT call the police. Call your oldest guy friends, your brother, anyone that cares about you. Have them beat the ing out of him for what he did. He should never touch you. He has problems, but let me tell you from someone that has been through the legal system for DV, they will not help him. They will put him in jail or some community corrections, and he will be forced to give every pay check to them for "counseling", he will not be able to pay child support, give you money, nothing. He will be a the mercy of the courts. When you invite the police into your home, your life will change forever. Do not involve the system.

Please leave him, he is not worthy of you. Do not own his problems.

But do not involve the police.

My boyfriend and I got into an argument that turned violent. He never touched me, but he is doing his time now. We are on friendly terms now, but he cannot help me with the debt that we have together, even though he wants to. He calls in every morning to go pee for the courts, and he has been sober for a year now. He is in community corrections and will be for another 3 years. All of his money goes to these "classes" to get better. It just makes for worse matters.

Don't believe all the hupla over domestic violence. Just leave.