NoHelp4U,

I have left a few times, and every time he either finds me or calls and calls and begs me to go back. I feel bad because he's sad then it makes me sad. But I need to stop that! I need to stop caring so much about him and focus more on my little girls. I don't know... sometimes I lose focus and feel weak but I cant, I just cant! I have friends that support me and just want to make sure that me and the girls are protected. I think I'm getting a little bitter so I'm caring less and less about him and I'm growing tired of his sh*t! I'm not going to live my life like this anymore.
Thank you for responding.
Thank you to everyone that has responded. It really helps. =)

You do not have to move into a women's shelter for them to help you. In fact, some don't even have residence facilities. They will guide you to the right resources such as legal & to help you any way they can to get out of the abuse you have been trapped in. They will tell you what has worked to make your exit as safe as possible for you & your D's.

There are a ton of useful articles & resources on the web just Google relationship abuse. Here are some links that may be helpful to you:

battered women domestic violence hotline - Google Search

Relationship Articles, Break Up Articles - WomanSavers

That site has this article that may be especially good for you to read:

Relationship Articles, Break Up Articles - WomanSavers

ABUSE SURVIVAL KIT: Protecting Yourself in a Dangerous Relationship

Thank you very much

You are so welcome!

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by maliceluvsyou

I have left a few times, and every time he either finds me or calls and calls and begs me to go back.

---

This is the beginning of the honeymoon phase. They are remorseful and they promise to never hurt you again.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by maliceluvsyou

I feel bad becuz hes sad then it makes me sad.

---

This is what is called as manipulation. This is the beginning of manipulation, when you feel you have to walk on eggshells so that you don't upset him.

Hun, you were raised in an abusive home, your girls are being raised in an abusive home. You have learned that this is the only way to live, thus, you are teaching your girls that this behavior is okay. IT'S NOT OKAY!!

Don't threaten to leave him... it may just push his buttons one day and he may hurt you worse than you have been hurt before.

JUST LEAVE. Shelters aren't as bad as one would think. They protect you, he can't find you because they are anonymous. You may have one right around your corner and not even know it. They provide counseling for you and your children, they help you get employment, they will help you with whatever legal processes are necessary, such as divorce and/or personal protective orders.

Remember, you are teaching your daughters that it is okay to be hurt, that this is normal. I assure you it is not okay for a man to hurt you and it is not normal.

For the sake of your children, please get out.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by maliceluvsyou

He gets upset when I tell him I'm going to leave him. .

---

Don't discuss it with him. Just leave. Don't give him the chance to "get upset" or try to talk or intimidate him out of it. Wait until he's at work, or gone for a few hours (and won't be home) and just be gone when he gets back. There's no possession worth going back for, no discussion you owe him. All you need to be concerned with at this point is your and your girls' safety.

When are you leaving?

I fesl as though I should share a personal experience with you that I hope helps you to find the strength you need to get out of there! I was married to my first husband for nearly 13years and through all of it there was good times there but for the most part he was mentally abusive especially after we had our 2 children. Always complaining about the way I look, my hair, just everything I did was never good enough etc. I was in tears everyday and the only time I felt at ease was when he went to work. When he came home I tensed up and knew as soon as he walked through the door he would start on me over anything which he did do. This behavior started spilling over onto our oldest daughter which he did nothing but yell and scream at her, then it got physical by pulling her hair and those type of things which usually got me very angry and us argueing and then him trying to make me feel sorry for him by saying he was a bad father. My last draw was him holding money out on us and me trying to scratch up things that we did have at home for my children to eat and that created war on the homefront! Things escaladed so badly that he football tackled me in our livingroom and enough was enough for me. I always felt guilty into thinking I had to stay in that marriage because he was the father of my children and I took marriage very seriously when in reality it was only hurting our kids by staying there. You see I didn't want my kids growing up with a warped sense of this kind of behavior being normal because it isn't. This man tore me down so badly with myself esteem that I believed what he drilled into my head all those years. You have to learn to love yourself and not be the blame for HIS problems and know that you deserve better for not only yourself but for your children as well so they too can have a healthy sense of what relationships are. It is not an easy thing to leave as it was hard for me too but I did it and I came out of it a stronger woman and my children are stronger for it as well. They like you deserve a chance at a happy future and it is possible for you to achieve. Most men or women that hit or belittle another are just bullies in my opinion and they are not happy within themselves. He needs some serious help but you need to take control back over your life and learn to love yourself again and know that you didn't do anything to ask for his behavior nor do you deserve it! I hope you are able to find peace and please get out of this before he does the unthinkable to you or one of those preciouse children... god bless you and ill keep you in my prayers

Threads merged


( I mean how can you grow up with someone and spend 13 years together, have 5 children together, say you love that person, then turn around and physically hurt them. I don't understand why a man does this. He can be normal and fine and loving then turn into a manic. And not care that he's hurting the one he's only ever loved. Why is this?

It seems like you've been dealing with this for a long time.

Threads merged

Men that hit, hit. I don't think they even know why, but they do know that if they hit you and you stay that means they can just keep on doing it. It's not like you're going anywhere.

There's only one solution, that's to leave. He's not going to change, he hasn't since the last time you posted about this.

I have a question for you;

Why do women stay with men that hit them?

In other words, you can't change him, but you can change your circumstances. It's up to you whether you stay or go but I think that you know as well as we do that this is never going to end as long as you're with him.

Sorry if it sounds a bit harsh but the truth often does.

I have never laid my hands on a woman in a violent way, and am raising my two young sons to follow that rule. So, I cannot give you any inside information. But what I can do is speculate. These men are taking out their own misgivings, and frustrations, on someone who is probably physically weaker than them, and because they are COWARDS.

Yes, I said it. Men who abuse women are the lowest form.

In my opinion, God's greatest creation was woman. From head to toe.

Don't ever let any man hurt you again. Hot grits worked on Al Green.

Don't let him "love you to death".

May God keep you safe.

To answer your question-if you love someone,you don't hit them.

As for your situation,nothing has changed in the nearly two years since your last thread-and nothing will change as long as you stay with this sad excuse for a human being.

After years of abuse your selfesteem has been worn down and you probably feel you can't leave him.

Leave him you must though,before its too late.

You owe it to your now five children and to yourself.

Find a support network,domestic violence helpline and shelter.

Then find the strength to leave.

You will find protection once you leave and go to a shelter.

Go to your local policestation and report him.

Talk to people-get help.

He deserves nothing from you,so don't feel sorry for
Him.

Think of your children.