Ask Me Help Desk - He is avoiding me

Quote:

Originally Posted by secretive2

I'm married, but my ex I cheated with is now avoiding me. He is also married. Why do you think he is now avoiding me?:confused:

secretive2, I will attempt to respond to your question before I step on a soapbox. There could be many reasons that he's avoiding you, so in order to give an opinion, more information leading up to the avoidance is needed.

{{STEPPING ON SOAPBOX}}
WOW! I am appalled that so many posters are giving this poster a {BRUTAL} beating just because she asked a question!! Part of being a human being entails making MISTAKES, which sounds like SOME OF YOU RIGHTEOUS posters been PERFECT all your lives and MISTAKE FREE. Wait, I forgot to include SIN FREE, too! You all need to get up off your high horses and go categorize your mistakes and sins with GOOD vs. BAD. :rolleyes:

People do different things for different reasons. Even if WE KNEW why they did what they did, it still would not give us a RIGHT to judge them based upon what we think is right or wrong. My mom gave (still gives, too) me all sort of GREAT ADVICE when I was coming up, but one that I often remember and PRACTICE is "If you can't help a person, don't hurt them", so I suggest that YOU PERFECT PEOPLE give it a try. ;)
{{Stepping off Soapbox}}

Realizing I am NOT mistake free,

Michelle

When all know people make mistakes, but some mistakes could be avoid. It can even leave some ever lasting affect on some people lives.

Getting involved with a married man, while your married, it a double mistake. It hurt her husband and his wife, but who cares about them.

Her husband is in the army and if she no longer wishes to be married to him, then simply get a divorce, don't cheat. That's what makes a person selfish because they don't car who they hurt. Its seems like the married man no longer wants to be bother, at least with her.

When you make a mistake you even correct it or don't. When people post on here, you get a wide variety of opionons, good or bad. Sometimes its something you don't want to hear because it's the truth, and people don't like to hear that.

People get judge all the time, but its not the person you judging it's their actions. Actions speak louder then words and people actions can tell you a lot about it person. If you don't want to hear what people have to say then don't ask for people advice.

Cause he probably is second guessing the relationship and doesn't think it's worth his marriage he's basically trying to ween you off... forget about him he;s your ex for a reason put all your time and energy into your husband

Michelle, I appreciate what you are trying to say with the soapbox speech, but it circumvents the whole purpose of places like this. People come here to talk openly about what they're doing, why, whether it's smart, get the brow-beating if necessary to shake some sense into themselves, and do so in the safety and company of strangers.

This environment is all about honest feedback AND judgements. If you're not willing to look at a situation and make a judgement call, your advice (if any) will be much less effective.

If you think I'm wrong, that's fine. But all of us have PLENTY of people in our everyday lives willing to hold us and console us and tell us "everything is going to be ok" even when that's totally not true. Our real-life friends are frequently USELESS in the feedback department since they often forgive everything and are happily "non-judgemental".

People come here usually because all that real-life hand-holding doesn't work and they know it. They want some honesty, they want to hear some brutal facts and experiences.

So, again, I appreciate why you said what you did, I really do. But the idea that you have to be perfect/sinless to give appropriate commentary is a non-starter. We're all guilty of screwing up, and sometimes the only way we'll ever do the right thing is if some stranger looks us square in the eye and says "Hey, Cut it out!!"

Nobody here has the need for perfection from the other posters, and none are scared of the judgements of others. It's one of the joys of the open forum. We get to face it all and it's very healthy as a result.

Quote:

Originally Posted by JBeaucaire

Michelle, I appreciate what you are trying to say with the soapbox speech, but it circumvents the whole purpose of places like this. People come here to talk openly about what they're doing, why, whether or not it's smart, get the brow-beating if necessary to shake some sense into themselves, and do so in the safety and company of strangers.

So, again, I appreciate why you said what you did, I really do. But the idea that you have to be perfect/sinless to give appropriate commentary is a non-starter.

JB, thanks for sharing and your explanation. Please do not get me wrong, I FULLY understand that this is an OPEN forum and people will say what they may; all in all, it is the internet. Although my post might have come off as one of getting feelings hurt, stepping on toes, passing judgements or what have you, the soapbox talk was because for whatever reason, "HER" question was overlooked and totally focused on her being married and messing with a married man.

I mean, I might be wrong, but I think she was looking for an answer regarding him avoiding her, not about how wrong and horrible she was for messing with another woman's husband and screwing over her husband.

Michelle

Yeah, well, if someone here asks how they can put their hand in a campfire without getting burned, someone MAY tell them to get an asbestos glove. Most of us would tell her to keep her hand out of the fire, which isn't what she asked, but a better answer, usually.

Mainly, my response to you was aimed at your response telling everyone else NOT to be harsh or judgemental. Sharing your own differing viewpoint in the topic at hand IS the right thing to do if you feel your input is unique, or early enough in the thread to not need uniqueness.

Even disagreeing with others already posted responses is great. But telling people not to answer or judge the situation is all I was referring to as being "contrary to the goal" here on the forum. Everything else... go for it. The more shared wisdom/experience, the better.