A lot of people these days dream of getting swept off their feet, and falling love. Love is a commitment, and those couples celebrating their 50th anniversaries are able to celebrate because they are committed and put effort into the relationship. It's not always going to be peachy, but that's part of relationships that help build stronger ones.

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Originally Posted by Sweet_Leaf

How do I choose between my long term partner or my lover,
I have been with my partner for 8 years and we own a house together (we are 23yo)
Our long time friend (his best friend) moved in with us after breaking up with his fiance and we are all very very close,
We do everything together and over the last 8 month the friend and I grew very close,
We are much more compatible than my partner and I and over the last few month we have been having an affair,
My partner knows of this, he has asked me to stop but has not asked his friend to move out, as I said before we are all extremely close and often we all sleep in the same bed.
I think my partner is afraid of losing us both if he makes a fuss, this has happened before some years back but we moved out of that situation and I stuck with my partner.
The friend feels horrible and loves my partner as much as I do, but we are so close as well and find it so hard to hide our feelings for each other.
I love my partner, I feel like I owe it to him to stick by him, but I also love the friend. I want us to be like we were before this happened but I'm not sure if this is possible now?
What should I do?

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Uh... That sucks! I think you should stop and look at what's going on. SO, you sleep in the same bed with your partners friend in the same house? You need to make a choice quick or you all are going to get hurt! It's not fair to your partner nor your lover. Just think who was there in the beginning and who you want there in the end! Good LUck!

If you love someone you don't CHEAT on them. So do YOU really love your "partner" and does your partner's best friend REALLY love him?? I don't think either of you really know what love is and you ALL need some time to mature. If you have a mortgage, you have a job, right? Can you not move into an apartment or rent a room somewhere by yourself for a few years to mature?

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Originally Posted by Sweet_Leaf

besides love is not about money!

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LOVE??

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Originally Posted by enigmagnetic

This sounds like a Jerry Springer episode, I'm sorry but I had to say it. Chicka, my opinion is to break it off with both of them sell your house and go and be alone for a while and take some time to grow and figure yourself out.

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You cannot give Reputation to the same post twice.
Tried to rate this but got this stupid message:


That's exactly what I thought after reading all of this crap. Good entertainment material. Too bad some people never grow up... As far as being 'loyal' to someone, I think that's gone out of style in this messed up society. Where did those values go?

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OK, so I decided I want to be with the friend. He said if he moves out and I break up with my partner then I can come to him and he said he will wait for me... he told me he loves me & he even told his mother he loves me. How do I tell my partner, he basically knows, but I wanted to tell him it was another reason and move into my own place first so as not to hurt him, but I guess he knows the reason now, he said I could leave but then he threatens suicide, I don't know how to do it and keep his friendship and hurt him as little as possible and I'm very worried about his mental state at the moment...

Big problem here you don't S%$# where you eat and you did! So now you must deal with the mess you made, It's not leaving one for the other, you don't love anyone but yourself, I say this because when you love someone you don't cheat. You clearly made a bad decision and the reality is the damage have been done... As far as choosing, you think you will run off into the sunset with this friend and be happily ever after? I don't think so... Not if Karma has her say in this situation. My best advice is you should be alone, you don't need to do anymore damage.. You need time to yourself and leave these men alone, and grow up.. I don't mean to sound harsh, but maybe you should have thought about what you were doing before you decided to ruin lives... Now how do you expect to have any loving or trusting relationship with anyone when you did what you did?? Neither of these relationship may not work, I am not saying that it can't but I don't see this being a happy ending..

OK, so Now it's all on... My partner knows I have been sleeping with his friend and is devastated,
I had made plans with the friend that he would move out and if things didn't work out with my partner then I would follow him later.
This turned into he would move out and I would break up and follow him.
Unfortunately my partner saw my questions on thet net when looking under 'history' so is now certain that I'm going to leave him.
He has begged me to stay, although I don’t know why he still wants me? He wasn't even mad with his friend until I mentioned that I might move in with him when he's gone.
Now he is furious as he realised his frined actually wants to steal me away and it wasn't just a fling.
But he has convinced me last night that I am stupid to leave him as he loves me and we had everything going for us,
The problem is now I fear if I stay that I've already ruined it anyway and he knows I like his best friend and I've ruined their frinedship.
Also, I feel so bad to the friend, he will have lost his two best frineds in the world and it will devastate him if I tell him I'm staying now.
I don’t' want to hurt either of them but either way I have to hurt one of them, and my partner I think needs me the most of all.
I seem to have no emotions at all, when my partner is breaking down in front of me and telling me he will die without me I can't even cry I am numb!
Could I possibly be a psycopath? I know that I am hurting them both and yet I still can't even decide what I want and I want them both as best frineds like we were before!

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Originally Posted by Sweet_Leaf

Could I possibly be a psycopath? I know that I am hurting them both and yet I still can't even decide what I want and I want them both as best frineds like we were before!

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No but you are confused.. You seriously need the time to yourself, You don't not need to choose, because if it turns up that the friend is not what you wanted don't think you can go back to your husband.. Don't ruin everyone else life around you.. Be a WOMAN and don't choose any BUT CHOOSE YOURSELF.. because you don't know what you want you don't even know what makes you happy... Don't look for others to fulfill what you need to work out yourself.. You will only be back and forth...

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Originally Posted by Sweet_Leaf

I seem to have no emotions at all, when my partner is breaking down in front of me and telling me he will die without me I can't even cry I am numb!
Could I possibly be a psycopath? I know that I am hurting them both and yet I still can't even decide what I want and I want them both as best frineds like we were before!

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You are not a psychopath, just someone who never learned to deal with emotions or had to suppress them too long. Maybe you had a rough life in the past yourself and just need some help getting in contact with yourself first before dealing with others emotionally.

This will not clear up over night and will take a lot of work on your part to gain their trust as a friend again... but I would not be in a relationship with either of them until you figure out why your real emotions are in the freezer..

You cannot erase what you did to them, and can only hope that they will eventually forgive you, and also become friends again, but this is out of your control. You cannot make things right for them, only for yourself, so get started and get to know the real you and why you are who you are. There is help out there and when we need it, and realize we need it, we can only benefit from it.

Remember, the only life you control is your own, so let them deal with their's in their own way, with or without you. Tell the frustrated partner that you are going for therapy and suggest he do so as well - that's all you can do for him.. he is in control of himself.

Good luck dear.

http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/36/36_22_19.gif You need to like what you see in the mirror before you can expect anyone else to like that image. They might not understand now, but they will survive and live on.. Neither one deserves an emotionally cold partner, so get help in warming up.
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