Just my humble opinion, but I think holdong on to a grudge for 3 years is a bit much. She would be showing diplomacy by celebrating the birth of two innocent children. It's not like this happened last week. His sisters apologized for whatever part they played and now is the time to put differences aside for the sake of the babies. That is not weakness, it's maturity poise. And since she knows his family is important to him, it won't hurt her to support him and go to this party. These are adults after all.

No offense, Homegirl, but you've obviously never dealt with family politics on a spiteful scale.

I lived 1k miles away from my family for much of the last 10 years. I still made it home for weddings, funerals, baptisms, graduations, etc. This took ALL of my vacation time and extra money for 10 years, but I thought it was worth it to stay close to my family.

Now that I'm home, it's as if all of those extra things I did are expected, and when I ask for anything in return, I'm "self-centered and demanding of everyone's attention". When I express hurt that with every event planned, that I am the one who has to make extra accommodations (I don't have kids, therefore it's assumed I have more time and money than everyone else), I am told it's my choice whether to be there, yet if I'm NOT there, that's held against me. I've repeatedly invited family members to join me to do things, and always they have some excuse--it comes down to that they're willing to have me around on THEIR terms, and if I don't like it, then I can just forget it.

It sounds as though his wife gets the same kind of treatment. They wanted to be a part of her wedding, on THEIR terms. They want them to be part of the family again, yet declined her invitation for a party for their brother, instead waiting for an opportunity that will place THEM at the center of attention, a situation that makes THEM look good.

You can act mature in family politics all you want, but most of the time everyone else isn't on your level of maturity, or else there wouldn't BE family politics.

I don't blame the wife at all. Seriously... there's only so much you can take before you just give up. I'm betting that there were several other small incidents--things like forgotten invites to things like baby showers or birthday parties for kids (even if they know you can't make it, it's nice to be invited and included), things like impersonal Christmas gifts, no one letting you know what's going on until the last minute (when they ask for money for your contribution). I'm absolutely positive that the wedding is a good example of the sister's behaviour, but it's not the whole story. I'm sure there are tons of small events that have added to the wife's opinion.

I'm all for reconciliation, but there's also a point where you deal from strength, not capitulation.

I understand what you are saying and I feel for you, but based in the information given there was only this one incident and that in and of itself is just not enough IMO for after three years to stay away.

AAAAgggghhhh! I feel your pain.Those sisters of yours are a piece of work! If they don't see their interference in YOUR wedding was wrong, They belong on Dr. Phil. Your wife unfortunately has the brunt of this. She could outclass them, show up and be there for the rest of the family. The two Sis's may be ready to make nice.