It makes sense... it is really hard to make a decision like this. Seeing if it will work before you leave is always good. If it doesn't work then it is time to go! You are great for seeing both side stonewilder! Just plain great for that!

Once a cheater always a cheater. A marriage has to be 2 people committed not 1. It sounds like you are the only one who is willing to make the marriage work. If he cheated on you regardless of who started it he is no good. I would dump him. And this is probably wrong but if it were me I have to say that when this so called friend gets into a relationship of her own I would get her back if you know what I mean.

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Originally Posted by MrsHec4

I have been married for 11 months. I was really looking forward to my one year anniversary. I just found out that my husband cheated on me with someone who was supposed to be my friend. We (the so- called friend and I) live in different states. My husband told me it started when he needed some advice on an anniversary gift for me. He contacted her for help and somehow ended up telling her details about some of the issues we were having. She took it upon herself to initiate a relationship with my husband. She told him lies about me and how i felt about him and him knowing how close we used to be believed her. She was unhappy in her current relationship and i guess she thought breaking up my marriage and stealing my husband would be a cure for her heartache. Now after the whole thing is out in the open and I know the truth, I've confronted them both, it seems she's in love with him but he was just confused and vulnerable and took advantage of him. He says he's not in love with her and doesn't want to be with her and wants to work things out with me. I'm so confused I just dont know what to do. These are two people that I cared deeply for and they conspired together to break my heart. He's never been unfaithful before, should I give him one chance to make it right? or should I just cut my losses and get out while i still have my sanity?? I truly do love my husband and I know he loves me but its really hard for me to trust him right now.

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I wouldn't stay. But that's just me. For me, it's the unforgivable betrayal.

You have decided to give him a chance, I could never do that! We are all different, maybe you have a wonderful heart. When I was 12, I found out my dad was cheating on my mom, only because I answered the door to a pregnant women. My mom didn't leave him. My dad never made contact with this lady, she moved far away and our life went on. My dad had always been a casanova. My dad's actions and lack of responsibility hurt me. Please wait a couple of years until you can trust him to consider a family. Also, once a person plans an affair, that is premeditated. I could probably understand a one night stand lured by lust and alcohol, but an affair with your best friend! The very first time your friend started badmouthing you, he should have told you. A relationship is based on respect, loyalty, trust and love. So many men cheat on their wives. I am often solicited by married men. Once a man told me to go to his hotel room, and I said, "aren't you married?" He said, no I live with her and we have 2 kids, but no one will know about us." I replied, "God and I will know about it, and that is one too many". It takes 2 to tango. He is responsible for his actions, she didn't take advantage of him because he was vulnerable. What will happen if he gets vulnerable again, see your other friends? I admire you for forgiving him. I hope that if he cheats again, God will let you somehow find out, and give you the happiness that you deserve by replacing your man with someone who you can trust.

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Originally Posted by MrsHec4

I have been married for 11 months. I was really looking forward to my one year anniversary. I just found out that my husband cheated on me with someone who was supposed to be my friend. We (the so- called friend and I) live in different states. My husband told me it started when he needed some advice on an anniversary gift for me. He contacted her for help and somehow ended up telling her details about some of the issues we were having. She took it upon herself to initiate a relationship with my husband. She told him lies about me and how i felt about him and him knowing how close we used to be believed her. She was unhappy in her current relationship and i guess she thought breaking up my marriage and stealing my husband would be a cure for her heartache. Now after the whole thing is out in the open and I know the truth, I've confronted them both, it seems she's in love with him but he was just confused and vulnerable and took advantage of him. He says he's not in love with her and doesn't want to be with her and wants to work things out with me. I'm so confused I just dont know what to do. These are two people that I cared deeply for and they conspired together to break my heart. He's never been unfaithful before, should I give him one chance to make it right? or should I just cut my losses and get out while i still have my sanity?? I truly do love my husband and I know he loves me but its really hard for me to trust him right now.

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Your marriage is still young and deserves a second chance. We are not perfect. There's no such thing as perfect marriages. But the thing is this. When the two of you got married, you became one. Try to work the relationship out. Show him that you love him so much and ask him to stay away from her. If he loves you like he says he does, the he would be willing to stay away from her and avoid her no matter what she does. Trust is a big issue here. Your marriage is so young to be betrayed. You two must decide to work things out and both of you should be willing to undergo counselling. Not everybody who goes into marriage knows in an instant what to do. Ask for a Godly counselling. Do not ask advices from people who'd just give you biased answers.

Thanks Miss_icanhelp, I've decided to try and work things out with my husband. If things don't work out in the end at least I can say that I tried. We've sought counseling, things are far from perfect but we're getting somewhere.

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Originally Posted by MrsHec4

thanks Miss_icanhelp, I've decided to try and work things out with my husband. If things dont work out in the end at least i can say that i tried. We've sought counseling, things are far from perfect but we're getting somewhere.

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Things to ponder: When the people brought to Jesus a woman who sleeps with men and who is constantly committing adultery and the people are about to stone the woman to death, Jesus said, "Let he who has no sin cast the first stone." Jesus didn't say,"For those who hasn't committed adultery. Take note of the phrase who has no sin. The case is we all have sinned. We are all in no authority to judge an individual or even sentence him by condemning the person because he has sinned. If Jesus can be a God of second chances, so should we be people of second chances. I am recommending that you buy this book entitled, The five Love Languages by Gary Chapman. This book has helped my marriage a lot and we were able to overcome even life's most difficult situations. Hope it will also help you and your husband start anew. God bless.