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This kind of stung a little. But I think this is finally my answer! I have always been so uncomfortable with my appearance, and after my pregnancy it just got worse, and you know, things with my husband got worse then too. Thank you, this was very helpful and I really believe this is my answer!Quote:
Originally Posted by Kattalover
Aw, you will get there, concentrate on yourself for a while. Get it right with yourself, and it will be right with him. Good job. Good luck!
You know what else, I find I am the only one that is really too hard on myself. I needed to realize that no one really noticed what I noticed. I learned that when my daughter complains that she is not perfect. I really hope you know that you are beautiful. I just know you are!
Whether you know it your whole life has changed, and the routine you once had is gone. I suspect your husband has a hard time finding time for your affections, when your busy with your new child. The entire dynamic is different, as you're parents whose life evolves around the child, and it will take time before you both have mastered this new house hold. Now is the time to develop the communications that you need to solve some of these new problems that will pop up. Be patient and understanding and work with the subtle way of getting time for you and your husband, because he to has changed as he is a dad, and doesn't want to intrude on the babies time either. Essentially you both have changed, and it will take time to get it back together. He probably doesn't realise where your head is after having this child, and you will have to help him to know how you feel by talking, and letting it sink in, as we men see things entirely different than you do, so cuddle with him, and be more affectionate and sooner or later he will reciprocate, just in time for the next child. Patience as you both are very young, and we all go through the same things, and it usually works out in time.
I'm glad you found my prodding helpful. I know I can be a pest!Quote:
Originally Posted by laurenjd
The great thing is that now YOU are in control and will be able to take steps towards making yourself feel better. For example, if your problem consists of weight gain, start making small changes to your diet and start walking for 30-60 minutes every day (take hubby and/or baby along - fresh air will do all of you good!).
As talaniman has said, your and your husband's roles have changed from newlyweds to parents. That is a huge change, and it is scary and stressful for both of you, so make sure you arrange for "couple time". Find a babysitter for a few hours and do something together, just the two of you, on a regular basis.
Good luck to you - and keep us posted!
Oh My Gosh!! I just can't tell you guys what you've done for me!
Ok, so this affection problem has been a HUGE issue for a While now, and I've tried everything, and cried and cried and just gotten so depressed over it, and we've argued about it like you wouldn't believe. I really was believing my husband just wasn't Truly in love with me, and it hurt!
So I asked him if he was not shown affection in his childhood and all that, trying to find the answer with him.
Well, yesterday, for the first time, I turned everything around, and looked at myself, and realized it was ME the Entire time! Now, that's not exactly easy to admit!
So, last night I had a long talk with my husband and we talked about my insecurities, and he said he knew that's why I was so needy of him, because I needed the constant reassurance. And he never even told me!
I know my husband really loves me, he's so great. He put up with that and never said a word. He said he noticed the more my body changed( the more stretch marks and more weight I gained) the harder I got on him. He just said he was trying to understand because he knew it had to be hard on me. He said I was giving him the greatest gift in the world, and that no matter what I looked like, I was still beautiful and to expect me to be anything different would be just evil.
So, I was overwhelmed and amazed, and so thankful. It's like this huge weight just lifted!
So I asked him why he was so different from when we were dating, and he said he does feel different now, not about me, but about himself, being a father, and it's all still so new. He's feels it more important right now to focus on being great parents for out little girl. He still wants to go on our little dates here and there, but really, he wants it to be OK if we're just both pooped at the end of the day and just go to bed.
So, I am a different person today, the light is now on! Lol Now, I can start enjoying being a mother and not worry so much about what having her has done to my body.
WOW, thanks to all of you! Now, it'll be a work in progress, a daily thing for me. I'll just have to learn to not be so hard on myself!
You just put a tear in my eye, what a wonderful talk. What a wonderful husband and father. You are so lucky. Thanks for sharing that, it truly is special! Good job. You just took a huge step. You should be very proud.
All right, I got a small tear too, but don't think for a minute I'm a sissy. But I am so glad you have found out about YOU, and are doing something positive. Oky maybe there are TWO tears, and I'm glad for you and your husband, and the babies for having loving parents..
? Sorry, but God created sex and putting two people together. Denying your partner intimacy is not part of His "great plan".
OH MY GOD, Darl your not alone. I have done everything you have said. It is as if I wrote all this. Ive tried sexy underwear etc, told him point blank what I need him to do to show the love, I hint him on etc and I get no response but the shoulder or he will say your being annoying. We have been married 4 1/2years now and have a beautiful 10 1/2month old and yet I can't understand that he can show so much love and affection to our daughter, even though she annoys him regularly in ways where he just hands her over to me because he has the s**ts with her. Yet we hardly see each other let alone spend time with each other. I can't understand how he doesn't want me. I myself had a rough pregnancy and my body isn't the same, I hate it. The strech marks and loose skin.
I don't quite blame him for not enjoying sex with me, but he never apparently liked sex even before we got together. Yet when we got to together he was all over me. I asked him why he doesn't do any of those things with me anymore to try and impress me and all he had to say was 'why? I've got you now. I don't need to.' I couldn't believe it.
I can't understand how he can't see that this is crushing me at the heart.
Why would he do this to me? He was the one that did all the chasing, not me! He chose me and in return I chose him. What can I do to rekin-dle that love in his part. In unhappy and out of hope.
I wish I could understand my husband. I also feel unattractive and sometimes unloved. We have only been married 4 months! I am 10 weeks pregnant now but I felt this way before we knew I was pregnant. He is always to "tired" to show me affection or has something he has to do. Whatever to make an excuse. I know he loves me so why doesn't he show it? Im about to my breaking point because its making me depressed a lot and I really don't need that right now. He tells me he loves me sometimes but I hardly even ever get a kiss on the lips! Things were so different before we got married:( When we do actually have sex it doesn't even feel the same anymore. How am I supposed to make my husband realize what he is dooing to me? I tell him all the time that I need more affection and that I don't feel like he is attracted to me and he just says stuff like "well I still feel the same about you" or "I dont know what you are talking about":(
What the heck is going on!
There is a book called "for men only" and that book is so good because it tells you the physce of men . It says that more times then not men can literally feel intimate by just being in the same house as there wife. Even in the same room sitting on sepereate couches watching a movie or even just sitting together over dinner can be intimate for him. Woman are built a totally different way. Women get that intimacy from contact. To feel loved it is in our nature to want physical contact and hugs and kisses and to be pulled close and adored by our loved ones. For some men that is just not there LOVE language. There is a book called Love languages and it breaks down the 7 different love languages the people have. Some are physical some are givers some are receivers some are emotional everybody is different. God says that love is not a feeling it is a choice. When those sparks stop coming it is your choice as a woman of god and a wife to husband to continue to love that man. But that doesn't mean that your relationship should not be nurtured.. womean love to nuture our family and we need it back. God is like a non stop flowing faucet constantly pouring is love into us. And we as a his people are sent in this world to pour out his love and grace. But here's the thing what happens when our vases go empty? We look to the people we love most to pour more love into us. That's why girls day out are so replenishing. But you need that love poured into you from you hubbby because you are pouring your love into him. Pray on it girl and god will bring those walls like nothing you have seen before. :D I'm exxcited becaues I know gods going to bless your relationship.
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