Day 4 (Tuesday)
In the morning, a lady from the law office called me to conform the appointment with a lawyer on Wednesday. My heart just sank. "here comes,
i am really moving toward divorce." my heart was beating like hell and my hands were shaking. I was so scared to death to go through this and being lonely for a long long time... who will date a mother of 3 kids.
I desperately searched a marriage counseling psychologist on the web, and called one. Thankfully, since my voice was unusual, the doctor kindly offered me a session at 8pm.
After come home after work, I told my husband I would stop the violence. I asked him to take me out for dinner. He did. Kids were with a baby sitter. We sat and had the meal, I could not swallow any food, but he ate all his dish. I could not help, but explain the seriousness of his affair, and he was very upset to hear in the restaurant.
He announced that his new job in town was just confirmed. It means he will not travel any longer. My husband also wanted to go to the counseling too, so I called the doctor again. The doctor allowed another special session for him at 9 pm just after my session. The doctor told me that he needed to see us separately first. In future, the doctor will give us a couple session.
After dinner I went to the counseling. It was my first time in my life to sit down with a psychologist. He was very warm old male doctor, and listened all my story. I even showed the text from the woman too. Once again, the doctor told me that I am the person to make a decision whether to stay or not. The doctor also says that he can not share what he hears from us separately
After my session, my husband walked in to the doctors office.
My husband came back later after his session, and he went to his room. He is staying in the guest room now. I told you my husband asked me to give him the list of things he can so, so we can heal. (my first request was the drinking toilet water) I gave him the list of my 2nd request - List of his emails with login info. He says I will get it by tomorrow. 3rd request - his second cell phone (he used it to cheat not to be caught). He says he closed the cell phone account when he came back. It can be true or it can be another lie.
In my bed, I started to think about what the doctor asked me.
"what is your goal in the counseling" - I cannot pin point. Looking for a hope? Looking for a help to make a decision? Borrowing his judgement? Like to know if my husband regrets sincerely , and want to stay in marriage?
"what was your marriage before the affair? how was sex?" - it just hit me. We did not have sex much recently. Probably 1-2 times a year? We were occupied for many other things, stressed out, arguing, annoyed, and distant.
In the middle of night, I suddenly walk up, and started to think. Maybe my husband stopped to love me a couple years ago already. Maybe it is his revenge for me because I am the boss in the house, and he was resentful?