I have been married almost 6 years. I have 2 children w/ this man and we have developed a pretty good life together. He's a good guy, although we are missing something very important from our marriage... emotional intimacy!
Along with this I have never gotten over someone from my past. I knew I still loved this other man the day I got married. Problem is that he moved away and we never took the chance to try it together. I have recently contacted this other man and he says he too still has feelings for me. It has been a very emotional couple of weeks that we have been talking (txt messaging... )

I think he would want to try it again with me someday, but he has said that he doesn't want to be the root of breaking up my family. Advice would be greatly appreciated!

Lost in ex-love,

Marie

You are in love with a memory of what something might have been, it can not be like you remember.

Don't ever contact this person again, period, throw his number away, erase his email address, and get you and your husband into marriage counseling.

Lack of emotional intimacy,whatever that is, caused you to call a guy you haven't seen in years and never got over. I think your trying to justify your actions and blame your poor hard working good guy who is giving you a good life, for your own short comings. What does he say when you ask him for emotional intimacy? What is emotional intimacy? Please talk to your husband and get help before you do something stupid!:cool: :eek:

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Originally Posted by Fr_Chuck

You are in love with a memory of what something might have been...

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This is exactly it. You are clinging to a memory in hopes of making yourself feel better.

Let's pretend you dump your family and run off with this ex... Do you think you'll be a different person? Will he be "so much better" that your life changes enough to compensate for the hurt you caused your family?

Be honest and realistic.

I would bet that you have probably done very little to make your relationship more "emotionally intimate".

Talk to your husband. Be the instigator of happiness in your life.
Try turning the dreams and fantasy you imagine into something tangible and fulfilling with your family.

Hi, Marie,
Having been married now 29 yrs, (1st marriage ended in Divorce after 7 yrs.), I can see how very wonderful married life is; to a wonderful woman.
If you lose the compromise, trust, love, and wanting your partner to be happy, then you will lose your marriage.
It's up to you; with two options.
You can keep communicating with this other man, and "try him out".
Or, stop all communications with this "infatuation".
It's your choice. Keep playing with fire, and your marriage will be over!
I do wish you the best, and do wonder why you asked this question. You know where it's leading. But, sometimes we do need others opinions as confirmation of our own feelings. Good luck.

He's an ex for a reason.

Let me start this by saying I am absolutely in love with my wife. I have a great marriage, and ill bet it all that we make it all the way.

The person that I was most intimately charged about was not my wife. The girl I dated before her got to me in a fundamental way that nobody before or after has ever quite met. I cannot explain it. I won't apologize for it. It just is that way.

Now. My situation is different because we do have emotional intimacy. Our marriage would not be as strong without it. I don't feel there is anything fundamentally missing, though I do wish there were some connections there that we don't have. Its mostly just that her nature is different... she's a different person... and the other girl was more on my wavelength in some areas.

So... I don't think its fair to compare people... the emotions I felt in my first serious relationship were different in part because I was a different person.

So I don't know what to tell you. You might truly have a better connection to your ex. But that connection wasn't enough to sustain the marriage, regardless of living apart or not. If you are considering being together now... why in the world didn't you do it then? When you were married??

Unless you are unhappy and unfulfilled I think its wrong to leave your husband for a ghost of the past. But you are texting the person, so maybe you are already leaving your husband emotionally.

I guess the best thing to say is don't live a lie, but don't create a lie from half truths of the past.

Although this has not happened to me in a marriage situation, I did however leave my then boyfriend for an ex, I was in love with what we did have, and we both left current partners in hopes of re finding what we had, IT DID NOT WORK it was in the past for a reason, I have now happily moved on and look back and think we had both changed from what we where when the relationship was original, you can not change the past and you can not turn back the clock, leave the past in the past and look back and smile but deal with your current issues separately do not mix them up together...

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Originally Posted by marie7561

I have been married almost 6 years. I have 2 children w/ this man and we have developed a pretty good life together. He's a good guy, although we are missing something very important from our marriage....emotional intimacy!
Along with this I have never gotten over someone from my past. I knew I still loved this other man the day I got married. Problem is that he moved away and we never took the chance to try it together. I have recently contacted this other man and he says he too still has feelings for me. It has been a very emotional couple of weeks that we have been talking (txt messaging...)

I think he would want to try it again with me someday, but he has said that he doesnt want to be the root of breaking up my family. Advice would be greatly appreciated!

Lost in ex-love,

Marie

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I mean he is quite a man if he said he doesn't want to be the root of breaking up your family...
I mean if you do - than there's a HUGE problem...

You're married so other men are off limits. He's wise to say that he doesn't want to be responsible for breaking up your family. That is exactly what you'd be doing ; tearing your kids away from their father and consequently putting them through an emotional hell, all to pursue an old love interest from yeas ago. In time your kids would come to hate you for depriving them of their father and you have no right to do this. Sounds like a bad deal to me. If he's also married then that'd be even worse as two families would be being destroyed. We all tend to think that the grass looks greener on the other side of the street but that's rarely if ever actually the case.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Fr_Chuck

You are in love with a memory of what something might have been, it can not be like you remember.

dont ever contact this person again, period, throw his number away, erase his email address, and get you and your husband into marriage couseling.

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This is telling it like it is! Tried to rate you Fr. But got the "spread it around" jazz.

WOW! Everyone here has such great advice. I agree with all of it. I want to thank you for the answers as it has helped me with one of my own problems.

I want to add: You have to decide, then go with it. You can't have both, it's one way or the other. There is no right answer here because you and your husband (children?) will be the ones most affected by this decision. I don't think anyone can influence you one way or the other. Either you stay and work things out (no marriage is perfect) or you let your husband go so you can both move on with things. He deserves your best. You do too. Good luck.

What would happen to your relationship if your husband finds out you are tx-mess someone else? You are in serious danger of developing a emotional affair. Is he married? This can only cause problems.

My husband was contacted by an old girlfriend who is married. It started with innocent friendly e-mails and although my husband and I have a "happy" marriage, he gave himself permission to lie to me because we were "having difficulties". I found out about the friendly e-mails that turned romantic.

One year later, trust is an issue and we really do have "difficulties". We've been together for 30 years- he has been a wonderful honest person and great dad until last year. I'm trying my best and so is he.

My advice - don't don't don't

Unless there is an honest open dialogue between husband and wife no changes that can benefit them both can be made .Its just that simple. Even after more than 3 decades of marriage my wife and I are still working at this relationship thing. IT AIN"T EASY but it is simple... talk ,talk more talk and talk some more.:cool: :eek:
Sometimes you cry
Sometimes you laugh
Sometimes you get mad
Sometimes your so sad
But if you talk long enough and listen. You at least know how to act to make some one else feel better!

It's been 10 days. What are you doing? Txmessaging still?

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Fr_Chuck

You are in love with a memory of what something might have been, it can not be like you remember.

dont ever contact this person again, period, throw his number away, erase his email address, and get you and your husband into marriage couseling.

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Although this might be the best course of action, I personally know how she feels, I gave my heart away many years ago to someone that I am not with. I wonder how do you get it back? We both are in relationships, and yet I feel that this is the only person for me. Our story is simple, very bad timing.

Make a decision to do the right thing. Maybe we can't control who we fall in love with, but we can control our actions. What good does it do to live in the past and dwell on what if, when the present is here and we can control what is our future. Make a decision based on facts and not feelings.

My sister was married with a Portuguese national (Pakistani) and lived with him for 2 years in Faro, Portugal. He always gave inhuman treatment and so she came back to pakistan two years back. She has a citizenship valid up to 03/06/2009. She is living with me now and doing teaching to maker her living as her husband does not provide any financial assistance. What she should do to seek divorce and what she can claim from him.

[quote=marie7561]I have been married almost 6 years. I have 2 children w/ this man and we have developed a pretty good life together. He's a good guy, although we are missing something very important from our marriage... emotional intimacy!
Along with this I have never gotten over someone from my past. I knew I still loved this other man the day I got married. Problem is that he moved away and we never took the chance to try it together. I have recently contacted this other man and he says he too still has feelings for me. It has been a very emotional couple of weeks that we have been talking (txt messaging... )

I think he would want to try it again with me someday, but he has said that he doesn't want to be the root of breaking up my family. Advice would be greatly appreciated! [end quote=marie7561]

6 years of marriage and 2 children. What exactly is your definition of emotional intimacy? Now all of a sudden out of the blue you decide to contact an ex. That is the first major mistake you made in this. Ever hear of the old saying the grass in not always greener on the other side. Another thing is by contacting your ex. Your at the risk of hurting everybody including yourself. If this does happen, I do not feel sorry for you but I will feel sorry for your two children and your husband. When your married there is no trying it with anybody else. If you continue this behaviour you will be the root of so much heartache with everybody and you will end up all alone and it will be your own fault. I also agree with others.

End all contact. Define what exactly does emotional intimacy mean for us. I am curious to know. Do you want to be the root of the heartache you will cause your whole family? You need to communicate with your husband. You need to have open, honest communication that what you feel you need, but you also need to be able to listen to him. Also counseling is very very important.

P.S. you should have never contacted him at all. Biggest mistake.
you should have never text message him.
You should never call, text, contact of any form ever again.

I also agree with others that you have this fantasy of a love that you might have had at one time but that has been over for a long long time.

Marriage has vows of a lifetime. You took those vows and now it is time to live up to those vows.

Joe

There is a guy in my life like this. When I met him I was with someone and so was he so we didn't act on feelings we both had. We eventually lost touch because we knew we would end up cheating on your partners (we were 17). Every few years fate throws us together in odd ways and we talk about it again but there is always something that gets in the way. The thing is, when we talk about the past we both remember there being crazy sparks when we met but eventually we always realise they were a long time ago and that time has gone. Please be certain before you ruin your marriage that this really is what you want. Even if you don't leave your husband, if he finds out you were talking about it he will be devastated. You need to move on from this man. Try and get some time alone to grieve over the loss of this relationship quietly and get on with your life for the sake of your marriage and children