Okay, I'm upset everyone. I probably shouldn't mention this here but I have to.
I just got a PM from someone that frequents this thread. I consider this person a friend. We don't seem to be online at the same times often, but when we are I've always thought that we like each other, that we're friendly to each other.
This person is also a friend on Facebook. She just PM'd me saying that I blocked her on Facebook and she's hurt, doesn't understand why. I didn't block her. I don't even know how to do that. I got the same message from Joe yesterday. Just so everyone knows, I haven't blocked anyone from Facebook. I don't know what's going on with that, but it's not me.
She also said she asked for my help a while back and I did nothing to help her, that I never even said "I'm sorry, I'm too busy". Well, I've had a lot on my mind lately, more then I've told all of you and no, I don't want to talk about it now, but I honestly don't remember what she asked for.
Now she says she's leaving the site and "I guess you got your wish. One more person is done with this site. I never felt welcomed here to start and the few genuine friends I did make I talk with off here now." I have no idea where this is coming from.
I PM'd her back but I don't think she's online anymore and I'm hoping she'll come here, read this and at least talk to me about it.
I'm sorry that I can't give everyone one on one attention. If that's why she didn't feel welcome then I apologize. I didn't realize that I hadn't welcomed her. I felt that she was part of the group and fit in very well. I guess I was wrong.
The weird thing is that her and I don't chat that much, so why she feels snubbed by me, I don't know.
I'm at a loss here.
Am I really this bad? Am I supposed to make everyone feel all warm and cuddly, despite what's going on in my life? I guess so.
Maybe I should take a break from AMHD. I'm tired of this. I'm tired of people getting their feelings hurt because I don't say hi to them when I post, or don't PM them.
I have a life too. I have enough going on in my life. I don't need to be responsible for someone else's happiness too.
I'm really upset about this.
Just needed to get it out because I really don't think this was justified and I'm hurt. I'm also a bit angry because I didn't do what she said I did and I'm a bit upset that everyone seems to think that I should drop everything in my life just to help them. I have problems too. Just fyi. Right now it's overwhelming, so I'm sorry if I haven't had time to help you. Right now I'm trying to help myself. Selfish, I know. So be it.
It was me who did it as I am sure most of you now know. I snapped but truly it had nothing to do with you personally Alty. I am truly sorry. Seriously maybe I need to start a thread because I know that Facebook thing is stupid and I am not that immature that it bothered me. But I am having this total mental breakdown in my life and when I saw that I wasnt in the best of moods and I thought f@#k her...even though truly I knew it meant nothing. I am sitting here in tears and shaking fiercly as I type this so forgive me for spelling if there is any.
I dont know whats gotten in to me. I feel like every thing is out of control in my life right now. I feel super depressed all the time. I went to the gym and cried on the treadmill after I sent Alty that PM. I knew it was wrong. I have this stupid medical thing going on and I think its stress related from this job and my boss. Its happening several times a week and sometimes more then once a day. I have to get out of this job and there are no jobs out there for me. He still bugs me and thats stressing me out. Which if you all remember when I was new here he is the root of alot of my problems. I want to quit and can't afford it. He is almost at stalker level and I can't take it. I am always looking over my shoulder like he is behind me.
I dont even know what I am typing right now because I am in this huge ball of nerves. I really feel I should go to a doctor but what if they say I am crazy? I am not crazy! Life has just gotten to me and right now I am not handlingit well. Maybe I am in a depression and I need somethign I dont know.
Alty I am truly sorry I lashed out at you. It wasnt you personally, it was only because I happen to look and I saw that block and that for some reason in my fragile mood at that time pushed the wrong button. I know your life doesnt evolve around this site. None of our lives do. I wish I could be here more. I wish I could help more. But I cant. Then I think who am I to help others when I was a tramp on here for advice cheating to. I dont need personal attention from you or anyone. I am sorry if thats how I made you feel. I would love to start a thread for me but honestly I dont know where to list it or what my issues are. I just know I am falling apart it seems like. I need a tissue!
Please forgive me everyone. I am so so so sorry.
