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-   -   Mudweiser, what gender are you? (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/showthread.php?t=342175)

  • Apr 16, 2009, 08:12 PM
    none12345
    Quote:

    Originally Posted by none12345 View Post
    me!!!! I want to see a pic of herbie!!!! =p alty you do look prettiful =p

    I mean Sarah =P =P
  • Apr 16, 2009, 08:16 PM
    friend4u178
    Quote:

    Originally Posted by Jesushelper76 View Post
    I vote to see a pic of sarah, Sarah only. No Herbie.. No Herbie...

    Good point Joe , we've already seen Herbie/Hermie :eek:
  • Apr 16, 2009, 08:18 PM
    mudweiser
    edited :: Now you guys know what I look like. I don't really feel comfortable with my pictures being on the net since I've gotten them stolen before. All my pictures are on photobucket set on private =)
  • Apr 16, 2009, 08:19 PM
    friend4u178

    Woo Hoo... sexy Momma ;)
  • Apr 16, 2009, 08:25 PM
    mudweiser

    Ehh.

    Hope your satisfied.

    Sarah
  • Apr 16, 2009, 08:27 PM
    friend4u178
    1 Attachment(s)
    Quote:

    Originally Posted by mudweiser View Post
    ehh.

    Hope your satisfied.

    Sarah

    Attachment 18607
    :p
  • Apr 16, 2009, 08:28 PM
    none12345

    hehe prettifull too =P
  • Apr 16, 2009, 08:34 PM
    mudweiser

    You want to hear something silly. I really want to cry right now. It really doesn't feel right when I get compliments. Honestly since I broke it off with my husband it's been great, I feel free but I still feel like I look like a toad.

    Sorry guys for being such a bad sport but this is something that really hits me hard.

    Sarah
  • Apr 16, 2009, 08:35 PM
    JoeCanada76

    Beautiful...

    Sorry I just saw your post, but you know what... These compliments should lift your spirit.
  • Apr 16, 2009, 08:37 PM
    friend4u178
    1 Attachment(s)
    Quote:

    Originally Posted by mudweiser View Post
    You want to hear something silly. I really want to cry right now. It really doesn't feel right when I get compliments. Honestly since I broke it off with my husband it's been great, I feel free but I still feel like I look like a toad.

    Sorry guys for being such a bad sport but this is something that really hits me hard.

    Sarah

    We're all here for you Sarah , just vent when you want. And your georgous really , right guys :cool:

    Attachment 18608
  • Apr 16, 2009, 08:40 PM
    mudweiser

    Thanks guys. Really- I know your being genuine but well I don't know what to say about my issue. It's really how I feel about me not how others see me. It's been an issue for a really long long time.

    Sarah
  • Apr 16, 2009, 08:42 PM
    JoeCanada76
    [QUOTE=friend4u178;1671270]We're all here for you Sarah , just vent when you want. And your georgous really , right guys :cool:

    Yes, that is right...
  • Apr 16, 2009, 08:45 PM
    mudweiser

    I'm actually really really scared to tell you guys about the ugly elephant that's around me every day. I can tell you this- I haven't told anybody about it and I'm actually choked up. I just hate myself sometimes.

    Sarah
  • Apr 16, 2009, 08:46 PM
    JoeCanada76

    Its honestly okay Sarah, We are all here...
  • Apr 16, 2009, 08:50 PM
    none12345
    Quote:

    Originally Posted by friend4u178 View Post
    We're all here for you Sarah , just vent when you want. And your georgous really , right guys :cool:

    Attachment 18608

    of course, couldn't say it better myself Sarah =P
  • Apr 16, 2009, 09:09 PM
    mudweiser
    Well I trust you guys. You do help people. So here it goes.

    I was born to a schizo mom. She was in and out of my life. I don't know my real dad and the one that supposedly is, was always working out of town. I was in kindergarten, I came home from school from my yellow bus and no one was home, again. I was repeatedly locked out of my house. Soon enough my mom had these "friends". I would be a their house a lot from the ages of 5ish to 10/11 . I know in my heart that something happened. I remember crying and screaming and a shadow over me. I had nightmares, I wet my bed till I was 14 and was always very very afraid. Like I said I know something happened but I am certain I blocked it out. If I think about it hard enough I can remember the smell of mint cigarettes, a wetness and just overall anxiety comes over me- it's not a good feeling. I really cannot remember the ages of 5 to around 13.

    When I turned 15 I "fell" in love with a guy who was 20. We were getting physical and I told him to stop but he said "too late" and well sex I didn't want to happen happened.

    Later on in life I met my ex husband. He was great at first. I told him about the 20 year old and when he'd get upset with me he'd hold me down or throw a blanket over me and lay on top of me. I'd have complete melt downs, my heart would race like a stampede- I felt like I was back where I was a long time ago. He'd eventually say things like "girls that got raped deserve it" or "why don't you go back to Tom" [that's not his real name by the way]. He would say really mean things to me and call me every name in the book. Sometimes after sex he'd say "your lucky I banged you--look at yourself"- and it just reminded me on how ugly everyone else told me I was [my mom, friends that turned on me, etc.].

    Through out my life this big ugly elephant has followed me. Don't get me wrong I am a happy person, I like to think positive, I love helping people. I honestly think I turned vegan when I was young because my mom would never be home an all there would be was old fruits and vegetables and I took in strays in as my brothers and sisters [I know that sounds so weird].

    This is just a part of me that haunts me.

    Sarah
  • Apr 16, 2009, 09:11 PM
    starbuck8

    Where is this pic? Did I miss it somewhere? I can't find it here! Is it over in the kidnapped room?

    Edit:: I was posting just when you were Herbie. Now I'll go read!
  • Apr 16, 2009, 09:17 PM
    JoeCanada76

    Sarah,

    I can say that every one of us has something that haunts us or and follows us around. Might be different situations or family dynamics. Physical, Sexual, emotional abuse. For some reason it happens a lot. The thing is now that you have a little one, it is the best opportunity to be the best parent you can be and try to do your best to make sure that your little one does not go through what you went through.

    It must have been so scary... but now you need to do your best to overcome that especially for you little bundle of joy... Right?

    Growing up in that envirement no wonder why you feel the way you do. Have you ever shared this with anybody before?
  • Apr 16, 2009, 09:19 PM
    mudweiser

    No. I tried telling my mom and she said I was stupid and I was making it all up.

    Otherwise you guys are the only ones that know my truth.

    Trust me when I say : I want the best for my daughter. I got out of the relationship, I'm on my own, things are looking up. I've bucked up a long time ago when it comes to that shadow, as long as I shove it back down I'm going to be okay.

    Sarah
  • Apr 16, 2009, 09:26 PM
    Alty

    Sarah, trust me, we all have an ugly elephant in one form or another.

    I've told my story here. Before that, only 2 people knew. At that time I didn't think I'd be sticking around here. Yes, I'd made a few friends, but I really didn't think AMHD would become what it has for me.

    So, I told my story, people I respect and care about read it, and wow, what a relief, they stuck by me.

    You're not alone. We listen, that's what we do. We help people with their problems, and all of us, at one time or another, came her because we had a problem of our own.

    Maybe it's time to get this all off your chest, let someone else help carry the load. Don't you think?

    Big hug sweetie! :)

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