More fart jokes?

A Belch is just one gust of wind,
That cometh from thy Heart...
But should it take the downward trend,
It turns into a Fart

And another

John is in Amsterdam and visits a nudist colony there.

While wandering around naked he sopts a gorgeous blonde and he immediately gets an erection. The woman notices his erection, comes over and says "Sir, did you call for me?"

John replies: "No!"

She says "Well, it's a rule here that if I give you an erection, it means you called for me."

She then layes him down and starts making love to him.

Later that day John visits the sauna, but as he sits down he farts. A huge big hairy guy get up, drops his towel to show a huge erection and says "Sir, did you call for me?"

John replies, "No!"

The man says, "It's a rule that when you fart, it implies you called for me." The man then knocks John to the floor and has his way with him.

As soon as he's finished John rushes back to his room, grabs all his things and heads for the exit. On his way out he's stopped by the manager he askes "Can I help you ?"

John says "Here's my room keys I'm leaving early"

The manager asks why and John replies "I'm 75 years old, I get an erection once a week but I fart 20 times a day !!"

Quote:

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Originally Posted by albear

hi alty, cleaning again?.......or for the first time, you all seem to talk about cleaning fairly regulaly its making me feel guilty for hardly doing any at all :D

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Bear, when you have kids there is no lull in cleaning, ever! :(

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Altenweg

More fart jokes?

A Belch is just one gust of wind,
That cometh from thy Heart...
But should it take the downward trend,
It turns into a Fart

and another

John is in Amsterdam and visits a nudist colony there.

While wandering around naked he sopts a gorgeous blonde and he immediately gets an erection. The woman notices his erection, comes over and says "Sir, did you call for me?"

John replies: "No!"

She says "Well, it's a rule here that if I give you an erection, it means you called for me."

She then layes him down and starts making love to him.

Later that day John visits the sauna, but as he sits down he farts. A huge big hairy guy get up, drops his towel to show a huge erection and says "Sir, did you call for me?"

John replies, "No!"

The man says, "It's a rule that when you fart, it implies you called for me." The man then knocks John to the floor and has his way with him.

As soon as he's finished John rushes back to his room, grabs all his things and heads for the exit. On his way out he's stopped by the manager he askes "Can I help you ?"

John says "Here's my room keys I'm leaving early"

The manager asks why and John replies "I'm 75 years old, I get an erection once a week but I fart 20 times a day !!"

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LMAO!! I thought that the guy in Amsterdam joke was funny... poor guy!

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Altenweg

Bear, when you have kids there is no lull in cleaning, ever! :(

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Boot Camp!! :):D:)

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Altenweg

Bear, when you have kids there is no lull in cleaning, ever! :(

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Awwww, let me get my violin :D

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Stringer

Boot Camp !!!!!! :):D:)

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Is that when you kick them in the butt with a boot on? ;)

Quote:

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Originally Posted by albear

awwww, let me get my violin :D

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One day it will be your turn bear. Now, do you want a little sympathy then? Hmmmm? :D

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Altenweg

One day it will be your turn bear. Now, do you want a little sympathy then? Hmmmm? :D

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One day maybe then you can play the violin for me :)

Quote:

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Originally Posted by albear

one day maybe then you can play the violin for me :)

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By that time my kids will be older, self sufficient (hopefully) and then I'll just laugh, laugh, laugh. :)

Aw, Bear, kids are great, they're just really messy! ;)

Okay, no more sitting around, I have to get my butt in gear, otherwise I'll waste another day.

Be good, I'll be back later. :)

Lol cya later alty

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Stringer

You may not think this is funny however it is guy humor, I think....M you may appreciate it...?

You are on the bus when you suddenly realize ... you need to fart.

The music is really loud, so you time your farts with the beat.

After a couple of songs, you start to feel better as you approach your stop.

As you are leaving the bus, people are really staring you down,
and that's when you remember: you've been listening to your ipod.

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Ha Ha... I can just picture that :eek:

Anyone here? Helllooooo!!

Hi.

:d

Hey boys.

I'm a bit worried. Hubby was supposed to be home 1 1/2 hours ago, but he isn't. We don't have a cell phone so I can't call him, and I'm sitting here thinking the absolute worst.

Where is he?

Genie Talia, can you make him come home? :(

I'm sure he's fine Alty , you do really need to get a cell phone though. How do you possibly live without one?

Well, we kind of sort of have one, it's pay as you go, we don't pay because we don't go. ;)

We never use it, but right now I'm sure wishing we had one. :(

Still not home, I'm starting to get a queasy feeling in my tummy. It is Tuesday, right? He's supposed to be home at 3:45pm on Tuesday, it's 5:22pm. He carpools with the neighbor, they're both in school right now.

I hate it when he does this. He better be okay. :(

Alty, be sure and let us know when you hear from Hubby, that he is safe!

Does the neighbour he car pools with have a Cell?

I will Rebbie.

If he's okay I'm going to beat the crap out of him. Kidding, but really, I'm worried.

Have I ever mentioned that hubby is a horrible driver. I kid you not. The man has at least one accident every year, two years ago he had three. We pay a lot of money for car insurance because of him. I had to sigh an sef28 and sef8a because of him. That is a form that insures that he doesn't drive my vehicle, if he does and has an accident the deductible would be $10,000.

Grrrrrr, that man better be all right.

Sorry to bring down the mood, but talking to you guys is keeping my mind busy, otherwise I'll probably go crazy.