Originally Posted by friend4u178
Kal...................oh Kal , now they are bad LOL. Here are some more bad ones , I've posted these before but you may not have seen them :)
I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah, I thought
"he's trying to pull a fast one".
So I said to this train driver "I want to go to
Paris".
He said "Eurostar?" I said "I've been on telly but I'm
no Dean Martin".
So I said to the Gym instructor "Can you teach me to
do the splits?"
He said, "How flexible are you?" I said, "I can't make Tuesdays".
So I was having dinner with Garry Kasporov (former World Chess champion) and there
was a check tablecloth.
It took him two hours to pass me the salt. He said,
"You remind me of a pepper-pot", I said "I'll take
that as a condiment".
Do you know I've got a friend who's fallen in love
with two schoolbags, he's bisatchel?
But I'll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying to pack myself in a small suitcase. I can
hardly contain myself.
Now you know those trick candles that you blow out and
a couple of seconds later they come alight again, well
the other day there was a fire at the factory that
makes them.
So I said, "Do you want a game of Darts?" he said "OK
then", I said, "Nearest to bull starts". He said
"Baa", I said "Moo", he said, "You're closest".
You see I'm against hunting, in fact I'm a hunt
saboteur. I go out the night before and shoot the fox.
The other day I sent my girlfriend a huge pile of
snow. I rang her up, I said, "Do you get my drift?"
So I went down the local supermarket, I said "I want
to make a complaint, this vinegar's got lumps in it",
he said, "Those are pickled onions".
So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came
up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle
like diamonds". I said "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC
duck".
But I'm in great mood tonight because the other day I
entered a competition and I won a years supply of
marmite .. one jar.
Now did you know that if a stick insect laid its eggs
in a jar of marmite it would give birth to a litter of twiglets?
So this bloke says to me, "Can I come in your house
and talk about your carpets?" I thought, "That's all I
need, a Je-hoover's witness".
You see my next door neighbour worships exhaust pipes,
he's a catholic converter. > > >
So I rang up British Telecom, I said, "I want to
report a nuisance caller" he said "Not you again".
Now did you know all male tennis players are witches, for example Goran, even he's a witch?
So I was in Tesco's and I saw this man and woman
wrapped in a barcode. I said "Are you two an item?"
And my personal favourite
So a lorry-load of tortoises crashed into a trainload
of terrapins, I thought, "That's a turtle disaster".
