Ask Me Help Desk - Come chat. Everyone welcome! Come to remember, or realize why we're all here.

I love my son! I love my son! I love my son! I have to keep telling myself that, because right now I want to smack him silly! :(

He has a social studies project due tomorrow. He's known about it for over a week. He told us about it on Friday. He has to build a model reenacting the war of 1812. He has a picture to go by. So Saturday we went to buy supplies for this project. That night I told him to start working on it. He didn't. Sunday was Easter, and we were out all day, but that night I told him to work on his project, even sat with him to help, and he refused to work on it, promising me he'd get it done on Monday, which he had off. I worked Monday. I told him that I expected to see a start to this project when I got home, and that he's be finishing it Tuesday night. Tonight. Well guess what? He's just starting it now. Yup. That's right. He got nothing done.

So he asked me to help. Well at this point I have no choice. It's due tomorrow! It's not something that's going to be quick. So we sat together, I came up with a plan, I started my part of it, and he sat there doing nothing. NOTHING! I got the sky up, the hill, the water, and realized that I was doing his homework project. So I got up, told him that my part of the help was over, that he had a good base, and he should get to work on the rest of it.

I went upstairs to cool off, came back downstairs around 1 hour later to see how he's doing. He tore it all apart! He didn't like what I did, so he spent an hour tearing it apart. Now all the work I did is ruined, and he's back to having what amounts to nothing.

I'm so mad I could spit! He just asked me if I could help him finish it. I said no. It's time for him to sink or swim, but I'm done throwing the life preserver. He has to learn the hard way.

Just fyi, I have decided, and just told him, that until the school year is finished, no more xbox. He can watch TV after he does his homework and studies. If he misses school one more time and he's not on his death bed, then no TV either. I'm done! I can't be the nice mom anymore. I can't be fun mom. I have to be the , and it's killing me, but he's giving me no choice! I either get mean, or he's going to end up living on my couch all his life, his only skill being to play xbox 24/7!

I'm at the end of my rope. And of course Rod is at work, so I get to deal with this all on my own, once again. Not that it would be different if Rod were here. It's my job. Always has been. All on me.

I have to go cry now. :(

My son (also a J) played the same games with me, even with the sick-day excuses. I took away his Atari (yeah, back then). I had to be the disciplinarian. I finally came to the conclusion that he had to suffer the consequences of his actions (or non-actions).

Husband had to go to bed so he could get up for work in the morning. I didn't go to work until 1 p.m. so I could be up all hours of the night disciplining the kids. (Oh, and most of the time Husband wondered who those short people were who were walking around in the house.)

Today J is a responsible, successful employee in a good job. He does his work well and on time. I've decided that's all because of me. :)

That's super frustrating :( I feel for you Alty. E is already on the sick kick and she is only 4 and in daycare. I hope things get better. I know how much he hates having the xbox taken away. I hope this goes smoothly for you. But you are right, you need to do the crack down NOW, or it will be too late. Best of luck!

Right now he's sitting on the couch crying, mad at the world, but especially me. I had a good cry too. I hate this. I don't want him hating me, but I have no other choice. He either shapes up, or he'll be repeating grade 7. He's already a year older than the kids in his class because he repeated kindergarten. If he keeps this up he'll still be in junior high when he's 24, and his only skill will be "beating Halo on xbox".

I had to go calm down. At one point I really felt like getting a hammer and smashing that xbox into a million pieces. I rue the day I let Rod talk me into getting it. I knew it wouldn't end well. Now I have to break my sons heart, and he doesn't understand that I'm doing it for his own good. I know he will one day, but I'm not dealing with one day, I'm dealing with today. Today is hard. Tomorrow won't be easy either, and I get to do it all alone. For all intents and purposes I'm a single mom. At least that's how I feel.

Has anyone ever felt like just running away from home? I do! :(

Oh, Alty! I feel for you. I really do. I can also appreciate where you are coming from as my J is on the xbox as we speak and getting him to do homework is like pulling teeth. I take that back, pulling teeth would be more pleasant.

Yes, basically you are a single mom. My husband is a single dad as well.

I get so angry when my kids cry because I'm upset with them for not doing something they should have done in the first place.

Alty, should we chip in and get you a Hello Kitty shaped paddle?

He is old enough to know what needs to be done and to do it. Don't kick yourself or allow yourself to be guilt tripped by him. He knows you love him and he knows what buttons to push. Tell him to start putting that energy into his work.

Next project, he doesn't even get TV until it is finished. Faster he gets it done to your satisfaction, the faster he earns back a privilege.

Do something that you enjoy. Spend some time with Syd. Play with the bunnies. Ignore the tantrum.

Oh and don't let him forget his chores.

Thanks everyone. :)

We both had a good cry, then I gave him a hug, told him I love him, and that's why I'm being so hard on him.

He hugged me back, and then hit me with this gem "Mom, one of the kids at school said that when you're 16 you're allowed to decide if you want to go to school or not. Is that true?" Oi! I told him that he could decide when he becomes an adult. If he wants that choice when he's 16 he has to become emancipated, which means getting a job and living on his own. I also wished him luck finding a job that would pay enough to afford an apartment, when he doesn't even have a high school diploma. I also told him that if he did get a job at 16, and missed as much work as he does school, he'd be fired within a month. I ended it with "Jared, I don't make you go to school because I want you to suffer. I make you go to school because I want the best for you. I know how smart you are, and I know what you can achieve if you put your mind to it. So put your mind to it! If you gave school half the effort you do xbox, you could do anything and be anything you want!" He agreed.

I really think we should all put together a book on parenting. Not that fluff that's out there that doesn't help at all, but real parenting from real parents. I think we could do it. And I think that it should include the times in your life as a parent when you really wish you were an animal that eats it's young as soon as it's born. Because I doubt that there's one parent on the face of this Earth that hasn't felt that way at least once. ;)

I just read all my posts and all of yours to Jared. I think I saw a lightbulb flicker above his head. He thought the part about eating your young was a bit harsh, but my reply was "One day you'll have kids, and you'll understand". Boy I can't wait for that day. Going to have a good laugh the first time my grown son calls to tell me that his kid is driving him crazy. :)

Quote:

Originally Posted by Alty

I just read all my posts and all of yours to Jared. I think I saw a lightbulb flicker above his head. He thought the part about eating your young was a bit harsh, but my reply was "One day you'll have kids, and you'll understand". Boy I can't wait for that day. Going to have a good laugh the first time my grown son calls to tell me that his kid is driving him crazy. :)

You can wait. You will be happy to wait. :)

Does he have any major interests that might help encourage him to pay attention to his work and give him a reason for going to school? Such as liking HALO and wanting to design games like it. Or learning the mechanics of the real-life weapons and tactics/strategies?

Ugh... getting into game design is as hard as getting a job as an actor/actress. Only one of every thousand that really want it will get into a full time job doing it, and you've got to move to where the companies are and know someone to have a really good chance at it. Not saying it's impossible, but I'd want my kid to have a really huge passion for it, not just an interest, before I'd encourage it. Same as a sport, really.

Not trying to be discouraging, though I know it's coming across that way.

I wish I knew something encouraging to say here... but I'm on my first cup of coffee after only a few hours of sleep, and I'm just not there mentally yet.

BUT--Auntie Synn sends all of her love and her thoughts. I know Jared has the smarts and the tenacity to do anything he sets his mind to do, so I hope he buckles down and does it. I know homework at his age seems REALLY stupid and boring, but it's getting through that crap that will allow him to not spend his life in a career that's stupid and boring.

Is there any subject he's really fond of, that homework is done in that subject almost before coming home from school?

Quote:

Originally Posted by Alty

I really think we should all put together a book on parenting. Not that fluff that's out there that doesn't help at all, but real parenting from real parents. I think we could do it. And I think that it should include the times in your life as a parent when you really wish you were an animal that eats it's young as soon as it's born. Because I doubt that there's one parent on the face of this Earth that hasn't felt that way at least once. ;)

I have been working on a book for the better part of the year. I joke with my friends that the working title is "They don't sh*t rainbows and moonbeams: the Truth about parenting" I will probably never get it done, but it makes me laugh, so...

My son is 8 and he already thinks he is 16. I am known for being a bit more of a militant mom than a friend mom, but it works for my boys. I mean,I don't go all Tiger Mother or anything, but at the same time, I don't put up with crap. Right before Christmas break, C had an issue with school where for 3 continuous weeks he was acting up, deliberately not listening, egging on his classmates, etc. I was called at work NUMEROUS times.

I tried everything I could think of to get to the root of the issue. I talked with him, asked what was bothering him, asked if he was having issues with friends/teachers/bullies/mom or dad, etc. Asked why he felt the need to do these things, explained to him how I expected him to behave for any adult as he behaves for me. Explained how I know he can make smarter choices, and how I expect him to be his very best. He sad he was happy, and yet he still acted out (but only at school). Finally, when the issue moved into his after school care and they threatened to not let him return (meaning mom couldn't work) I had enough.

I told him he needed to straighten it up and that if he didn't he would have to change schools. I told him that if he didn't stop fooling around I wouldn't allow him to participate in his sports or his science club (which he LOVES). I explained that if he chooses to play at school, then he works at home. ESPECIALLY if I am called at work to come get him. Then he is on MY time. The last day before Christmas break, I had a note from the teacher with a list of issues. That Christmas break (2 weeks) I took away all electronics, toys, movies, etc. He could read and that was it. He spent half of his days scrubbing toilets, and mopping the kitchen floors, shampooing the carpets, etc. He received a video from Santa (probably our last year with this bit of magic) saying how he was on the naughty list so far, and he better get to working on earning his way to the nice list. (it was an awesome video with C's picture and his favorite color, and everything. VERY detailed) He had a good cry over that. Broke my heart, but I still felt he needed a wakeup call.

Then I called his father (we are divorced) and we made the toughest decision. When Christmas morning came, C opened his gifts, and then he had to place them all in a box until he could prove to us that he was responsible enough in school to be able to play at home. I haven't had an issue since, and he has earned every last present back. I'm tough, but it's out of love. Don't feel bad for teaching him important life lessons, before LIFE teaches him them the hard way. :)

My youngest was taken to the doc. Yesterday. He has something called gastroparesis, which I had never heard of. I've done my research. Has me on pins and needles. We have a week on a restricted diet, and if he doesn't improve, we may have to admit him to the hospital. :( He's only 4.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Synnen

Ugh...getting into game design is as hard as getting a job as an actor/actress. Only one of every thousand that really want it will get into a full time job doing it, and you've got to move to where the companies are and know someone to have a really good chance at it. Not saying it's impossible, but I'd want my kid to have a really huge passion for it, not just an interest, before I'd encourage it. Same as a sport, really.

Yeah I went to school for animation at Purdue. Ended up switching to Graphic and web design. I graduated and I worked for 3 years in the industry until the economy tanked, and now I work in a field that has NOTHING to do with my degree. Could have done it if I moved to the west coast, but I wasn't interested in that.

A friend of mine just recently got a job at EA Sports in Montreal. I still can't believe it. Going to have beers with her next weekend and pick her brain just out of curiosity.

Alka, I hope your little one gets better without surgery. He's in my thoughts and prayers.

Syn, I was just throwing out ideas that might help him see the value in the work he is doing or encourage him to look at games/HALO in a different way.

Hello again,

Is there ANY way we can censor questions like this: "I been having jelly rubber like discharge with milky white as well."??

About lost my breakfast on that one...

excon

Quote:

Originally Posted by excon

Hello again,

Is there ANY way we can censor questions like this: "I been having jelly rubber like discharge with milky white as well."???

Bout lost my breakfast on that one...

excon

Dear excon:

I saw that one. I might have responded to it. In fact, I think I did. Would you want the title edited or the post itself or both? I can tweak.

WG

Hello Wondergirl.

Just a little less revolting...

excon

I edited the title to "Could these be signs of pregnancy?" All the necessary info is in the post itself (DO NOT READ THE POST!! )

I hadn't responded to this one after all. This question or one like it had been asked on the MP3 board (of all places), so I may have been preoccupied with moving it rather than what it said. I will forthwith be more observant regarding stomach-turning titles. Thank you for your willingness to bring this matter to our attention. :)

WG

Quote:

Originally Posted by excon

Hello again,

Is there ANY way we can censor questions like this: "I been having jelly rubber like discharge with milky white as well."???

Bout lost my breakfast on that one...

excon

Stay out of the women's health? :p

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wondergirl

I edited the title to "Could these be signs of pregnancy?" All the necessary info is in the post itself (DO NOT READ THE POST!!!)

I hadn't responded to this one after all. This question or one like it had been asked on the MP3 board (of all places), so I may have been preoccupied with moving it rather than what it said. I will forthwith be more observant regarding stomach-turning titles. Thank you for your willingness to bring this matter to our attention. :)

WG

I still think you should be careful with over editing, someone might skip over ANOTHER "Am I pregnant" but click on something about strange discharge. Lots of women who haven't been pregnant before have had yeast infections or BV and can help with such things. Just a thought.