Ask Me Help Desk - Another Castle? Another one?

More fart jokes?

A Belch is just one gust of wind,
That cometh from thy Heart...
But should it take the downward trend,
It turns into a Fart

And another

John is in Amsterdam and visits a nudist colony there.

While wandering around naked he sopts a gorgeous blonde and he immediately gets an erection. The woman notices his erection, comes over and says "Sir, did you call for me?"

John replies: "No!"

She says "Well, it's a rule here that if I give you an erection, it means you called for me."

She then layes him down and starts making love to him.

Later that day John visits the sauna, but as he sits down he farts. A huge big hairy guy get up, drops his towel to show a huge erection and says "Sir, did you call for me?"

John replies, "No!"

The man says, "It's a rule that when you fart, it implies you called for me." The man then knocks John to the floor and has his way with him.

As soon as he's finished John rushes back to his room, grabs all his things and heads for the exit. On his way out he's stopped by the manager he askes "Can I help you ?"

John says "Here's my room keys I'm leaving early"

The manager asks why and John replies "I'm 75 years old, I get an erection once a week but I fart 20 times a day !!"

Quote:

Originally Posted by albear

hi alty, cleaning again?.......or for the first time, you all seem to talk about cleaning fairly regulaly its making me feel guilty for hardly doing any at all :D

Bear, when you have kids there is no lull in cleaning, ever! :(

Quote:

Originally Posted by Altenweg

More fart jokes?

A Belch is just one gust of wind,
That cometh from thy Heart...
But should it take the downward trend,
It turns into a Fart

and another

John is in Amsterdam and visits a nudist colony there.

While wandering around naked he sopts a gorgeous blonde and he immediately gets an erection. The woman notices his erection, comes over and says "Sir, did you call for me?"

John replies: "No!"

She says "Well, it's a rule here that if I give you an erection, it means you called for me."

She then layes him down and starts making love to him.

Later that day John visits the sauna, but as he sits down he farts. A huge big hairy guy get up, drops his towel to show a huge erection and says "Sir, did you call for me?"

John replies, "No!"

The man says, "It's a rule that when you fart, it implies you called for me." The man then knocks John to the floor and has his way with him.

As soon as he's finished John rushes back to his room, grabs all his things and heads for the exit. On his way out he's stopped by the manager he askes "Can I help you ?"

John says "Here's my room keys I'm leaving early"

The manager asks why and John replies "I'm 75 years old, I get an erection once a week but I fart 20 times a day !!"

LMAO!! I thought that the guy in Amsterdam joke was funny... poor guy!

Quote:

Originally Posted by Altenweg

Bear, when you have kids there is no lull in cleaning, ever! :(

Boot Camp!! :):D:)

Quote:

Originally Posted by Altenweg

Bear, when you have kids there is no lull in cleaning, ever! :(

Awwww, let me get my violin :D

Quote:

Originally Posted by Stringer

Boot Camp !!!!!! :):D:)

Is that when you kick them in the butt with a boot on? ;)

Quote:

Originally Posted by albear

awwww, let me get my violin :D

One day it will be your turn bear. Now, do you want a little sympathy then? Hmmmm? :D

Quote:

Originally Posted by Altenweg

One day it will be your turn bear. Now, do you want a little sympathy then? Hmmmm? :D

One day maybe then you can play the violin for me :)

Quote:

Originally Posted by albear

one day maybe then you can play the violin for me :)

By that time my kids will be older, self sufficient (hopefully) and then I'll just laugh, laugh, laugh. :)

Aw, Bear, kids are great, they're just really messy! ;)

Okay, no more sitting around, I have to get my butt in gear, otherwise I'll waste another day.

Be good, I'll be back later. :)

Lol cya later alty

Quote:

Originally Posted by Stringer

You may not think this is funny however it is guy humor, I think....M you may appreciate it...?

You are on the bus when you suddenly realize ... you need to fart.

The music is really loud, so you time your farts with the beat.

After a couple of songs, you start to feel better as you approach your stop.

As you are leaving the bus, people are really staring you down,
and that's when you remember: you've been listening to your ipod.

Ha Ha... I can just picture that :eek:

Anyone here? Helllooooo!!

Hi.

:d

Hey boys.

I'm a bit worried. Hubby was supposed to be home 1 1/2 hours ago, but he isn't. We don't have a cell phone so I can't call him, and I'm sitting here thinking the absolute worst.

Where is he?

Genie Talia, can you make him come home? :(

I'm sure he's fine Alty , you do really need to get a cell phone though. How do you possibly live without one?

Well, we kind of sort of have one, it's pay as you go, we don't pay because we don't go. ;)

We never use it, but right now I'm sure wishing we had one. :(

Still not home, I'm starting to get a queasy feeling in my tummy. It is Tuesday, right? He's supposed to be home at 3:45pm on Tuesday, it's 5:22pm. He carpools with the neighbor, they're both in school right now.

I hate it when he does this. He better be okay. :(

Alty, be sure and let us know when you hear from Hubby, that he is safe!

Does the neighbour he car pools with have a Cell?

I will Rebbie.

If he's okay I'm going to beat the crap out of him. Kidding, but really, I'm worried.

Have I ever mentioned that hubby is a horrible driver. I kid you not. The man has at least one accident every year, two years ago he had three. We pay a lot of money for car insurance because of him. I had to sigh an sef28 and sef8a because of him. That is a form that insures that he doesn't drive my vehicle, if he does and has an accident the deductible would be $10,000.

Grrrrrr, that man better be all right.

Sorry to bring down the mood, but talking to you guys is keeping my mind busy, otherwise I'll probably go crazy.

Quote:

Originally Posted by friend4u178

Does the neighbour he car pools with have a Cell??

Oooooh, I don't know. He might. If he does I don't have the number. Maybe I should call his wife.

I'm going to do that.

Thank M. :)

Great idea M. Alty, I would feel like beating him also for the worry, once you know he is okay that is, like you say. LOL Bless your heart, I know you are stressed but I pray you hear something soon.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Altenweg

Oooooh, I don't know. He might. If he does I don't have the number. Maybe I should call his wife.

I'm going to do that.

Thank M. :)

No problem... let us know how you go OK

He's a dead man. The neighbor is home, hubby dropped him off, didn't leave a note or anything, then left to go wherever he went. Does he not realize that when you're almost 2 hours late people start to worry?

Okay, passive aggressive Alty is coming out to play. Two can play this game. I should pack up the kids, take them to McDonalds without leaving a note. :(

I'm mad. He better get home soon so I can smack him! :(

Quote:

Originally Posted by friend4u178

Does the neighbour he car pools with have a Cell??

That was going to be my question M.

1 Attachment(s)

Oh dear... I think Wiggys going to get in trouble Attachment 15998

Oh M, he's in big trouble.

I'm a very understanding person, I may at times be quick to anger, but I'm always quick to forgive. There is only one thing I cannot tolerate and that's not calling someone when you're going to be late. He's done this many times. Usually, when he gets home and I'm upset because I was worried, he laughs, he thinks it's cute. It's not cute!

I'm so mad right now I could spit nails. Darn that man! Yes, THAT MAN!!

Sorry guys, but really, is it too much to ask for him to leave a note or call me and tell me that he's going to run some errands or whatever? I don't care if he goes somewhere, just tell me so I don't sit here wondering if I should start to call hospitals to see if he's been admitted. Grrrrrrr!

He's home everyone! He just walked in the door. Right now I think he wants to walk right back out. Boy am I mad, I walked up, asked where he was, his repsone "Awwww, were you worried" with a little grin on his face. Oh no you didn't. Then he took our pay as you go cell phone out of his pocket and put it on the stairs. You had the phone? You didn't call? You didn't leave a note? You're smiling? I don't think so!

Men! Okay, not all men, but my man. :(

It will take a while for me to cool down, but I will, no worries. I just wish that he'd realize how much I hate this.

Got to go, time for dinner. Yes, I had dinner waiting as well. :(

Glad its all OK alty , I wouldn't want to be in Wiggy's shoes right now... LOL.

I'm off for an hour or so myself.

Be back later.

Alty, you are a better woman than I!! I won't even go there! LOL Glad for you he is home now and no worries about his safety. Enjoy dinner.

Wow, I'm hiding in this corner here M... we can't BOTH fit in here!?

LOOK OUT FOR THE GIRLS ON THE WAR PATH! We might not be very big in stature but we are mighty!! LOL

Hi guys and gals you know I just saw the wierdest thing, storm clouds brewing over the castle almost as if a force of nature is about to be unleashed upon some unfortunate soul weird huh

Ha, ha, Bear, very funny. :p

Rebbie, I gave him a good yelling at. I'm done, 19 years of this is enough! I love the man, but he knows how much I loathe it when he does this. I wish Stringer would give me back my whip, I could have used it tonight. ;)

But, all is now forgiven. Like I said, quick to anger, but also quick to forgiveness. Stringer, you can come out of hiding, I'm only angry at one man in particular. ;)

M, you don't have to run away, it's okay, I won't hurt you. Heck, I didn't hurt Wiggy, just yelled a bit.

Sorry I brought the storm clouds over the castle. :(

Do ya want to crowd into the corner with M and me ?

I don't know.. I think that I saved you from yourself, if you had 'MY' whip we would be taking up a collection for your defense lawyer... :)

Stringer, honey, they couldn't charge me, they'd never find the body. ;) ;)

Okay, I got to go for a while, spend some time with the kids, dig the grave in the backyard, you know, same old same old. ;)

Talk to you boys and Princess Rebbie later. :)

GATHERING STORM CLOUDS DISPERSED!

Dang Alty, I have new found respect for you! Goodness........You must mentor me on calming down fast. LOL

Gotta blast out of here for a bit. All you guys, we shall return!!!

Quote:

Originally Posted by jrebel7

All you guys, we shall return!!!

Is that a threat :D

Cya both later :)