One day, there was this lawyer who had just bought a new car, and he was eager to show it off to his colleagues, when all of a sudden an eighteen wheeler came out of nowhere and took of the driver's side door with him standing right there. "NOOO!" he screamed, because he knew that no matter how good a mechanic tried to fix it, it never would be the same. Finally, a cop came by, and the lawyer ran up to him yelling. "MY JAGUAR DOOR WAS JUST RUINED BY SOME FOOLISH DRIVER!!!" he exclaimed. "Your a lawyer aren't you?" asked the policeman. "Yes, I am, but what does this have to do with my car?!?!" the lawyer asked. "HA! You lawyers are always so materialistic. All you care about is your possessions. I bet you didn't even notice that your left arm is missing did you?" the cop said. The lawyer looked down at his side and exclaimed "MY ROLEX!"

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by friend4u178

hA hA.............now there's an idea starby ;)


Stringer , your on a roll here !!!!

---

Yep... stop me PLEASE!:eek:

An elderly couple was driving cross-country, and the woman was driving. She gets pulled over by the highway patrol. The officer says, "Ma'am, did you know you were speeding?"

The woman turns to her husband and asks, "What did he say?"

The old man yells, "HE SAYS YOU WERE SPEEDING."

The patrolman says, "May I see your license?"

The woman turns to her husband and asks, "What did he say?"

The old man yells, "HE WANTS TO SEE YOUR LICENSE."

The woman gives him her license.

The patrolman says, "I see you are from Arkansas. I spent some time there once, had the worst sex with a woman I have ever had."

The woman turns to her husband and asks, "What did he say?"

"HE THINKS HE KNOWS YOU!" the old man yells.

I can't read that much anymore... I'm starting to go cross eyed!! I still have to write a very... uhmmmm... polite? (not so much) letter to my brothers kids mother. Geezzzzz... some people are just... well... uhmmmm... can I say brain dead?

President Clinton was being entertained by an African leader. They'd spent the day discussing what the country had received from the Russians before the new government kicked them out.

"The Russians built us a power plant, a highway, and an airport. Plus we learned to drink vodka and play Russian roulette."

President Clinton frowned. "Russian roulette's not a friendly nice game."

The African leader smiled. "That's why we developed African roulette. If you want to have good relations with our country, you'll have to play. I'll show you how."

He pushed a buzzer, and a moment later six magnificently , nude women were ushered in. "You can choose any one of those women to give you oral sex," he told Clinton.

This gained Clinton's immediate attention, and he was ready to make his choice, when a thought occurred to him. "How on earth is this related to Russian roulette?"

The African leader said "One of them is a cannibal."

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by starbuck8

I can't read that much anymore....I'm starting to go cross eyed!!! I still have to write a very....uhmmmm......polite? (not so much) letter to my brothers kids mother. Geezzzzz....some people are just......well........uhmmmm.......can I say brain dead?

---

Just a few more... :)

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Stringer

President Clinton was being entertained by an African leader. They’d spent the day discussing what the country had received from the Russians before the new government kicked them out.

"The Russians built us a power plant, a highway, and an airport. Plus we learned to drink vodka and play Russian roulette."

President Clinton frowned. "Russian roulette’s not a friendly nice game."

The African leader smiled. "That’s why we developed African roulette. If you want to have good relations with our country, you’ll have to play. I’ll show you how."

He pushed a buzzer, and a moment later six magnificently , nude women were ushered in. "You can choose any one of those women to give you oral sex," he told Clinton.

This gained Clinton’s immediate attention, and he was ready to make his choice, when a thought occurred to him. "How on earth is this related to Russian roulette?"

The African leader said "One of them is a cannibal."

---

Lmao... :P

A woman goes into a restaurant in a small town in the South. She orders some chicken and starts to eat. Eating too fast, she starts to choke on a chicken bone. Buford and Buck, two country boys in the next booth, notice she is choking. So they get up and go over to help her. Buford drops his coveralls and bends over and then Buck starts licking his butt. The choking woman watches these two go at it and is so grossed out that she launches forward and throws up all over the place, dislodging the chicken bone from her throat. Buford pulls his overalls back up and says to Buck, "You're right,that 'hind-lick' maneuver works like a charm."

Well bye all , time for me to head out :)

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by friend4u178

Well bye all , time for me to head out :)

---

Have a great evening M... later.:)

Same for me. 3am. Had a good time reading the jokes :)

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by ISneezeFunny

same for me. 3am. had a good time reading the jokes :)

---

Glad you liked them Sneezy... Goodnight now...

Me too... I'll be using these in the pub tonight :) cheers stringer!

When Life Was In Black and White

One last one, but I am sure that some won't really appreciate this...

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by friend4u178

Me too..........I'll be using these in the pub tonight :) cheers stringer!!

---

Be my guest my friend... :p

Knock Knock!. who's there... Me... me who?. Measles alone here!

I know... really bad knock knock joke... I did my best. :p

Why BigB... dear... you would get cookies! ;) :D

Morning all!

Oh, I'm tired! Hi there HC! Haven't seen you for a while! I learned that you recovered from your flu? Good! The others here have been very chatty yesterday. How are you? I'll be on the previous pages, therefore may take some time to answer back. C u later!

Ok, here goes my reply. Be warned, it's very long!

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Stringer

I'm baaaaaaaaaaack.............but my butt is sore...9 hours on the road and my eye balls are hanging out on my cheeks...

---

Hey, you're back at last! I missed you Stringer!

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Rebbie

Hey Starby!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Seven weeks is a long time. Where have I been?

---

I wondered where have you been, Rebbie Princess...

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Starby

Morning Unky!! in advance!

---

Thanks dear!

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by fwnaklas

Hello!! .. nice to be here with you people :) ... I hope you would like my company here too :P ...I little new here.... starbuck8 brought me :P

---

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Rebbie

Has to end in a "Y", right??? Hmmm, need more to go on to give a great name! Ideas?:p

---

Hello there little bro! I'm Unky, glad to meet you. I hear you're a frined of Starby? That's fine! Every friend of Starby is a friend of mine too!:p Huh? According to the frequent time you tell from where you are... you seem pretty on the same longitude as me... have to check that.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Rebbi Princess

Maybe this week, we will have the whole crew together. I sure have been missing Angel, Stringer, Unky and other's I haven't seen lately so much. I miss my "virtual" family. Glad to see you and Stringer bantering today. That was cute. Both so imaginative! I better fly! See ya tonight on the threads hopefully!!!!!!!:)

---

I'm now here. I don't think I'll be able to log in on Sundays and Mondays, but rather most of the time during the rest of the days and when you're all (nearly;)) asleep. See you later!

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Stringer

Again.......geeze you people are tough........

"DUCK TRAPS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

YES!!!!!!!!!!! duck traps............need to work on that..........hmmmmmm....need some paper and pencils......to draw them out. Must be fool prof and imaginative."

"Anyone have any ideas??????"

---

I'll think about it.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Alty

Hey you two, I'll have you know that I was once quite good with guns. I went to hunter training camp for 4 days in grade 8, had to make my own shelter, start a fire without matches, live on things we gathered in the woods and learn to shoot a rifle and a handgun. Of course I almost killed someone, but that was totally not my fault. ;)

---

Alty?? You nearly killed someone once and I nearly killed myself once??

Hum, Stringer? I cannot go to through the link you mentioned before... has it closed? Or something weird has happened?

Loved your jokes, but unfortunately I couldn't read them all. Me too started to be tired, my especially my eyes LOL. Well, see you for 10 minutes tomorrow!

Ok, bye for now! My stomach hurts, I've laughed too much!:p

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by starbuck8

Nobody gent with a flower in their hair is any match for the DUCK!! :p

You're a handsome one Mr Biggie!! ;)

---

Ever think the flower is just a façade?

.. try me, duck :rolleyes: ;)

Good morning Joke Festers! I will read them on my day off!
Stringer... you are trying to butter everyone up to vote for you, aren't you?
Have a great day today!

Morning kids.

Warning, my puter keyboard is being silly, allot of the keys are sticking. So if I type a word that is missing a letter, I apologize in advance. I type 120 words a minute, so I don't always see when a letter is sticking and not appearing. This is annoying, me thinks it's time for a new keyboard. Grrrrrrr! ;)

Hallo.

... um... ::looks around::

What's up?

Hey doll... :) how are you?

I'm up, and not at all happy about it. :(

Sorry, had a rough night. I was supposed to go out with my bud from LA, but I got stood up. ;) Ah, salright, I'll see him Thursday, give him heck then. ;)

Chicky, sweetie, I missed you. You have internet at home now and we see you less then we did before. We feel unloved. :( Na, I know you're busy, I just miss our morning coffee chats. Speaking of which, I need a refill. ;)

I'm posting this link again, for those who didn't see it before. We go through pages so quickly here, it might have been missed by some.

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/other-...ry-253366.html

If you haven't done so already, I'm sure that you want to say a few words to our dear Chery who is having a rough time right now. So go, do it, that's an order, please. ;)

Yes, I'm glad you posted that again. Chery needs all the lovin' we can give! :)

Meeting :)

Whaaaa..!

I posted something after alty... it didn't get posted!! What the heck?!

Awww... those whispered sweet-nothings were not lost to me... it was edited by the elusive moderators... must have been a bit too risqué... ;)

Daily Email Newsletter - Funniest Video of the Day

This is funny...

WOW! I am way behind here on this thread. Been having computer problems. Am going to my son's this Fri, Sat, and Sun and we are placing an order for a new computer! Yea. I don't like not being able to be with you all!!

Been missin' you!

I will be 'hit' and 'miss' for awhile but hopefully can pop in when computer is not acting up

Lator Gators~~~~~~~~~~~~~Wait, those were on the castle thread... ah... ok... Love to all until we meet again! :)

Sneezy, me too on a couple of posts, they looked like they were there, but they weren't... not sure what happened;) Ohhhh well. Hi guys! Hope all is well! Tomorrow is my last day of babysitting and then I am going full time... hmmmm, I wonder if when school starts and they are all gone, and I am at work, if my house will STAY clean? I sure hope so;)

... I'm here to say...

... I start work tomorrow. My restaurant opens Friday.

This means I'll be working 14 hours a day... for 6 days a week. That's 84 hours a week.

... I will miss you all on amhd... I will be on every now and then.

::sigh::

Awww, I will miss you around here... I know you may just peek in as much as you can though... Right?
Sneezy, how was the visit with your parents? And have I told you Congrats on the opening? CONGRATS!! You done good!

Parents came by, looked around, and said, "...what...do you do for a living again?"

... then dad looked at mom, said, "We're selling the house and moving in here."

... then we went to lunch, etc. had a good time.

Thank you for your congrats :)

Welcome... sounds like your parents faired well then. Seens how you are safe and comfy again!;);)

Funny how parents can still make you feel like a kid :)