Alty... that's the thingwith "not in-person relationships" we don't really know what the hell is the real story. We wouldn't unless we were face to face. I know all of you think we are all real and reliable. Most of us are, most of us are who we say we are... some of us are but try and live in a happier world through sites like this. Some of us act like different people... some of us don't. The problem is visible and we all need to realize that you could be talking to just anyone out there! So, no need to blame yourself for anything really... just remember you were and are a great friend to all of us. Hugs and Alty... lots of love through this hard time...

Thanks Startykins. :)

I realize that, I really do, doesn't make it easier though.

I know she's a good person, has a good heart, she just didn't share this one part of her life, the most important part, the part that will kill her.

I'm mainly kicking myself because there were signs, I didn't see them until now. I wasn't looking until now.

There were things she said that now that I know, well, clear as day.

I just keep hearing her voice, she stuck to her story to the end, told me she thought her family was punishing her, that she didn't have a problem, that she was okay, just liked a drink once in a while, but other then that, okay.

I wonder, how much of it was actually her lying, how much did she truly believe was true, couldn't see, wouldn't accept?

I keep going over this in my head, disecting what I did, what I didn't do, what I could have done.

Too late now.

I know, nothing I can do, nothing I could have done, I know that in my head, my heart still hasn't caught up. Darn heart.

I'll get there, honestly I will, but right now I'm stuck here, with all these stupid thoughts.

Love you Starty.

Big hugs. :)

I know Alty... as with every passing soul this happens to the best of us. In the end, you can't change anything you did or didn't do and what you did... well, it meant the most to her for you to be there and to be there for you. It is normal what you are doing, I just know you will be OK, and stronger than ever through this. I am here for you! It is going to be all right love.

Alty
You did everything you could possibly do... and more.

Head up Hon x

You know, initially I was so sure that she would recover and come back here and read all this that was written about her that I was even somewhat careful what I wrote and said. I didn't ever want to even think about my hurting her feelings in any way. I wanted her to come back and just get a big laugh at all of us for being so... well... concerned, when in reality she was OK. But now,.

I don't like this reality.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by startover22

Alty....that's the thing with "not in-person relationships" we don't really know what the hell is the real story. We wouldn't unless we were face to face.

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Even face to face, there's a lot we don't know. It's OK though, we love as best we can, and have to trust it's good enough.

Starby.

Hang in there.

http://tbn0.google.com/images?q=tbn:...-death-hug.jpg


Missing you,

Sarah

Reality does suck Stringer, couldn't agree more.

I promised Rebbie that I'd start a new castle thread, once my other thread is done. We're doing it up like we did back in the day, it was Starby's favorite thread theme.

All us original players, all our alter egos, we'll do Starby proud.

One thing I know for sure, she'd want us to go on, think about her once in a while, smile, laugh, because she brought a lot of happiness into our lives.

I did speak to her Aunt on the phone this afternoon. The family is pretty much keeping everyone out of the hospital. I was making arrangements to go this weekend, to see Jo, to say my good byes, but apparently even Jo's really close friends, people the family knows, aren't being allowed to see Jo.

Jo's Aunt lives in Edmonton, actually only around 10 minutes away from me, we still plan to get together for coffee. She's a lot like Jo, a lovely lady, wonderful person. She's opened herself up to me just like Jo did, even though we have yet to meet.

She did ask me to tell everyone here how very much we all mean to Jo, that she spoke of all of us very often, that we brought a lot of happiness and peace into her life. She loved us all very much.

Who would have thought that losing someone that you've never met could be so very hard. We are friends in the most real sense of the word, family because we choose to be, we are all loved, we are blessed and we were blessed to have Starby in our family, in our circle, a part of our lives.

Yes it hurts, but I'll never regret opening my heart to her, because it was worth the pain I'm feeling now.

Love you all, my family, my friends.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Altenweg

Reality does suck Stringer, couldn't agree more.

I promised Rebbie that I'd start a new castle thread, once my other thread is done. We're doing it up like we did back in the day, it was Starby's favorite thread theme.

All us original players, all our alter egos, we'll do Starby proud.

One thing I know for sure, she'd want us to go on, think about her once in a while, smile, laugh, because she brought alot of happiness into our lives.

I did speak to her Aunt on the phone this afternoon. The family is pretty much keeping everyone out of the hospital. I was making arrangements to go this weekend, to see Jo, to say my good byes, but apparently even Jo's really close friends, people the family knows, aren't being allowed to see Jo.

Jo's Aunt lives in Edmonton, actually only around 10 minutes away from me, we still plan to get together for coffee. She's alot like Jo, a lovely lady, wonderful person. She's opened herself up to me just like Jo did, even though we have yet to meet.

She did ask me to tell everyone here how very much we all mean to Jo, that she spoke of all of us very often, that we brought alot of happiness and peace into her life. She loved us all very much.

Who would have thought that losing someone that you've never met could be so very hard. We are friends in the most real sense of the word, family because we choose to be, we are all loved, we are blessed and we were blessed to have Starby in our family, in our circle, a part of our lives.

Yes it hurts, but I'll never regret opening my heart to her, because it was worth the pain I'm feeling now.

Love you all, my family, my friends.

---

Not as religious as I guess I should be but... amen Alty.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Stringer

Not as religious as I guess I should be but...amen Alty.

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I'm not religious in the way most people are Stringer, but I agree... Amen.

Love you Stringer, stay strong, big hugs to you dear.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Altenweg

I'm not religious in the way most people are Stringer, but I agree... Amen.

Love you Stringer, stay strong, big hugs to you dear.

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Scary isn't it... it brings our own mortality into view...

Quote:

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Originally Posted by friend4u178

Alty
You did everything you could possibly do..........and more.

Head up Hon x

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Thanks M.

I'll get there, eventually, just having a hard time with it right now.

Distraction is good, been doing a lot of that, the rest will follow.

Right now the waiting game is driving me batty. I hate "death watch" that's what my mom called it. It's the worst, absolute worst, because you know the outcome, but you don't know when, you just have to sit and wait, all the while still hanging on to the tiny hope that the doctors will find a way or there will be a miracle.

It sucks!

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Altenweg

Thanks M.

I'll get there, eventually, just having a hard time with it right now.

Distraction is good, been doing alot of that, the rest will follow.

Right now the waiting game is driving me batty. I hate "death watch" that's what my mom called it. It's the worst, absolute worst, because you know the outcome, but you don't know when, you just have to sit and wait, all the while still hanging on to the tiny hope that the doctors will find a way or there will be a miracle.

It sucks!

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I know Alty... been there done that :(

Everyone's here together so that's good!!

Quote:

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Originally Posted by friend4u178

I know Alty................been there done that :(

Everyones here together so thats good!!!

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As one of my sisters says and is famous for: group hugs. I understand.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Stringer

Scary isn't it...it brings our own mortality into view.....

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It certainly does.

A lesson we can all take away from this. Live each day as if it's your last, because one day it will be. Love the ones your with, be with the ones you love. Never part with angry words on your lips, part with a kiss, a hug, words of love.

I know, sappy, silly, but that's how I try to live my life. This just brings all that closer to home.

That darn duck. I wish she was here right now quacking about her tail feathers, swooping over our heads dropping things because we tried to set a trap for her. Skinny dipping in the pond.

I wish she was complaining to MommaC because mean Stringer ripped her dollies head off because she put glue in his underwear drawer.

I just wish she was here period.

If I had known that the last time I talked to her was the last time I ever would... well, I did tell her I loved her, but I wish I had said more.

Darnit.

Darn duck.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by friend4u178

I know Alty................been there done that :(

Everyones here together so thats good!!!

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It doesn't get any easier does it? No matter how many times you're been there before.

This should be old school by now, piece of cake, no problem, but it never is.

If it ever gets to be easy, that's when you have to worry.

Glad we're all here together, all supporting each other. I feel like you all are holding me up more then I'm holding you up though. That's usually my job. Feels strange.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Stringer

As one of my sisters says and is famous for: group hugs. I understand.

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Group hugs.

Stringer, did you just pinch my bum?

Humor works dear. Did I make you smile?

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Altenweg

It certainly does.

A lesson we can all take away from this. Live each day as if it's your last, because one day it will be. Love the ones your with, be with the ones you love. Never part with angry words on your lips, part with a kiss, a hug, words of love.

I know, sappy, silly, but that's how I try to live my life. This just brings all that closer to home.

That darn duck. I wish she was here right now quacking about her tail feathers, swooping over our heads dropping things because we tried to set a trap for her. Skinny dipping in the pond.

I wish she was complaining to MommaC because mean Stringer ripped her dollies head off because she put glue in his underwear drawer.

I just wish she was here period.

If I had known that the last time I talked to her was the last time I ever would..... well, I did tell her I loved her, but I wish I had said more.

Darnit.

Darn duck.

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I was raised the same way Alty... my mom always said the same thing... when someone that you love is leaving or even going to bed... ALWAYS tell them that you love them, and never be ashamed, it may be the last chance that you have. I probably tell Marta, my two kids and my grand kids that I love them at least 3 times a day... It is almost like saying see you later but with flavor.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Stringer

I was raised the same way Alty...my mom always said the same thing...when someone that you love is leaving or even going to bed...ALWAYS tell them that you love them, and never be ashamed, it may be the last chance that you have. I probably tell Marta, my two kids and my grand kids that I love them at least 3 times a day...It is almost like saying see ya later but with flavor.

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Flavor. I like that.

My mom was raised in a home where the words "I love you" were never uttered. My dads home was the exact opposite.

For a long time my mom was very uncomfortable with anyone using those words too often, it was almost like they should be saved for a special occasion.

My dad didn't let that stop him, and either did I.

At the end of her life we had a long talk about it. When my dad was dying she spent all day and night at the hospital. She was undergoing chemo at that time as well, so she'd go downstairs for her Chemo, then come back up to be with my dad. She would just sit and hold his hand, tell him over and over again that she loved him.

She told me she felt she needed to get out all the "I love yous" she had held back all those years. She said that she realized that you should never pass up the opportunity to tell someone that you love them. You can never say it too much, never.

So I'll say it again, and again, and again. I love you guys.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Altenweg

Flavor. I like that.

My mom was raised in a home where the words "I love you" were never uttered. My dads home was the exact opposite.

For a long time my mom was very uncomfortable with anyone using those words too often, it was almost like they should be saved for a special occassion.

My dad didn't let that stop him, and either did I.

At the end of her life we had a long talk about it. When my dad was dying she spent all day and night at the hospital. She was undergoing chemo at that time as well, so she'd go downstairs for her Chemo, then come back up to be with my dad. She would just sit and hold his hand, tell him over and over again that she loved him.

She told me she felt she needed to get out all the "I love yous" she had held back all those years. She said that she realized that you should never pass up the opportunity to tell someone that you love them. You can never say it too much, never.

So I'll say it again, and again, and again. I love you guys.

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Night guys, meeting tomorrow morning... with flavor......love ya...

Stringer