Ask Me Help Desk - The Garden: food, alcohol and friends. What more could we need?

Quote:

Originally Posted by BlackVY

Well once upon a time, divorce was such taboo. To even mention the word once in a marriage was to drop a huge bomb-shell and the relationship will struggle to get to where it was before even the word was mentioned. Now it gets used all the time, for small things, big things, things that could be worked out, things that need alot of work.

I still do not believe in divorce and never will. I no matter how hard my life gets or what happens, I would try to work things out because thats how I believe it should be. Divorce should never be an option because people make mistakes and things happen, but everything, and I mean everything can be sorted if both parties are willing to give it their all.

I understand what your saying. Its just that everyone is different. As I said earlier, some relationships are so unhealthy and there are times when people shouldn't stay.

Quote:

Originally Posted by BlackVY

Thanks for leaving me out M.... :(

??

Quote:

Originally Posted by BlackVY

Well once upon a time, divorce was such taboo. To even mention the word once in a marriage was to drop a huge bomb-shell and the relationship will struggle to get to where it was before even the word was mentioned. Now it gets used all the time, for small things, big things, things that could be worked out, things that need alot of work.

I still do not believe in divorce and never will. I no matter how hard my life gets or what happens, I would try to work things out because thats how I believe it should be. Divorce should never be an option because people make mistakes and things happen, but everything, and I mean everything can be sorted if both parties are willing to give it their all.

Too many people use the threat of divorce as a way to keep their wife/husband in line, or to get their way. It's sad.

Most times the person doesn't mean it, but the fact that they said it can be so hurtful and it can destroy a marriage.

Men and women are different, that's why we find each other fascinating and why we hook up with each other. When you don't respect those differences and work together to find a common ground, that's when problems arise.

For instance. I am a neat freak. I've actually gotten much better, but I used to be completely anal about how the house looked, having everything put away and neat and tidy. My husband is the opposite. He comes home, throws his jacket on the floor, kicks off his shoes, leaves his work clothes on the floor, goes into the kitchen to make a snack and usually leaves all the stuff out on the counter, hoping that it will be cleaned up.

We've had many fights about this. I'm not a maid. I'm not his mother. I will not clean up after him, he's a grown man and he can do it himself.

After years of fighting about this, we reached an understanding. The fact is, he doesn't do it on purpose, he really doesn't. The thing that always annoyed me is that I thought that he was doing it just to annoy me. He isn't. So, when I see a sock on the floor or a used plate on the table instead of in the dishwasher, I remind myself that he loves me, he wouldn't do this just to make me mad and really, in the grand scheme of things, it's not that important. When he gets home I point the things out and he cleans them up. We hug and it's all good.

Compromise, communication, understanding, those are the most important things if you want your relationship to last.

Sex and love, they're nice, but they aren't as important as the above mentioned. :)

Quote:

Originally Posted by pinkangelgirl

I understand what your saying. Its just that everyone is different. As i said earlier, some relationships are so unhealthy and there are times when people shouldnt stay.

I truly agree with everything you say.

I'm out... Goodbye

Quote:

Originally Posted by friend4u178

??????????

You said Hi to everyone but me... :(

Its OK... I'm out of here now... have a good one

Quote:

Originally Posted by friend4u178

Alty

Enough of the mushy stuff already :rolleyes:

Hey
Herbie
Sergie
Pinky
Blacky
Cat
Heath

It's not mushy! It's L.O.V.E!

I just threw up a bit in my mouth. :(

Blacky, he didn't leave you out. Read it again! :)

Quote:

Originally Posted by Altenweg

It's not mushy! It's L.O.V.E!

I just threw up a bit in my mouth. :(

Blacky, he didn't leave you out. Read it again! :)

I admire your editing skills Alty... good on you... :)

Quote:

Originally Posted by Altenweg

Too many people use the threat of divorce as a way to keep their wife/husband in line, or to get their way. It's sad.

Most times the person doesn't mean it, but the fact that they said it can be so hurtful and it can destroy a marriage.

Men and women are different, that's why we find eachother fascinating and why we hook up with eachother. When you don't respect those differences and work together to find a common ground, that's when problems arise.

For instance. I am a neat freak. I've actually gotten much better, but I used to be completely anal about how the house looked, having everything put away and neat and tidy. My husband is the opposite. He comes home, throws his jacket on the floor, kicks off his shoes, leaves his work clothes on the floor, goes into the kitchen to make a snack and usually leaves all the stuff out on the counter, hoping that it will be cleaned up.

We've had many fights about this. I'm not a maid. I'm not his mother. I will not clean up after him, he's a grown man and he can do it himself.

After years of fighting about this, we reached an understanding. The fact is, he doesn't do it on purpose, he really doesn't. The thing that always annoyed me is that I thought that he was doing it just to annoy me. He isn't. So, when I see a sock on the floor or a used plate on the table instead of in the dishwasher, I remind myself that he loves me, he wouldn't do this just to make me mad and really, in the grand scheme of things, it's not that important. When he gets home I point the things out and he cleans them up. We hug and it's all good.

Compromise, communication, understanding, those are the most important things if you want your relationship to last.

Sex and love, they're nice, but they aren't as important as the above mentioned. :)

You couldn't be more correct there Alty... I guess without those things, nothing can last... anyway, keep up the good work in your marriage... all the best... Peace

You should really look back blacky ;)

Alty's right

Hello friend4u, blackvy and muddy!
Shall I order a cup of coffee for you muddy, i.e if your hubby doesn't mind? :D

You could get me a Beer sergie :)

Quote:

Originally Posted by BlackVY

I admire your editing skills Alty... good on ya... :)

I didn't edit it Blacky. Look back.

You know that I'm not computer savvy. I couldn't edit it even if I wanted to.

Now stop your whining. M included you and even if he didn't, it happens. I leave people out all the time.

M, next time just say "hi everyone" you'll cover your a$$ much better that way. That's what I do. ;)

Having said that, you're on the list Blacky, just read. :rolleyes:

Quote:

Originally Posted by friend4u178

You could get me a Beer sergie :)

Hey! You're the beer fetcher. Stop trying to pass that job onto someone else. You have the beer truck.

Damnit!

Now I want a beer.

Sergie, make it two. :)

Thanks... sorry M... that was me just being an a**... won't do it again... but its time for me to disappear... so everyone be good... Black-out... (hehehe)

Quote:

Originally Posted by BlackVY

Thanks... sorry M... that was me just being an a**... won't do it again... but its time for me to disappear... so everyone be good... Black-out... (hehehe)

Blackout! LMAO! :)

Bye Blacky. You're not an a$$, you just didn't see your own name. It happens. Don't beat yourself up. ;)

Don't be such a stranger. You haven't been around much lately.

Later gator. :)

Quote:

Originally Posted by Altenweg

Too many people use the threat of divorce as a way to keep their wife/husband in line, or to get their way. It's sad.

Most times the person doesn't mean it, but the fact that they said it can be so hurtful and it can destroy a marriage.

Men and women are different, that's why we find eachother fascinating and why we hook up with eachother. When you don't respect those differences and work together to find a common ground, that's when problems arise.

For instance. I am a neat freak. I've actually gotten much better, but I used to be completely anal about how the house looked, having everything put away and neat and tidy. My husband is the opposite. He comes home, throws his jacket on the floor, kicks off his shoes, leaves his work clothes on the floor, goes into the kitchen to make a snack and usually leaves all the stuff out on the counter, hoping that it will be cleaned up.

We've had many fights about this. I'm not a maid. I'm not his mother. I will not clean up after him, he's a grown man and he can do it himself.

After years of fighting about this, we reached an understanding. The fact is, he doesn't do it on purpose, he really doesn't. The thing that always annoyed me is that I thought that he was doing it just to annoy me. He isn't. So, when I see a sock on the floor or a used plate on the table instead of in the dishwasher, I remind myself that he loves me, he wouldn't do this just to make me mad and really, in the grand scheme of things, it's not that important. When he gets home I point the things out and he cleans them up. We hug and it's all good.

Compromise, communication, understanding, those are the most important things if you want your relationship to last.

Sex and love, they're nice, but they aren't as important as the above mentioned. :)

That's good advice and makes sense. I never believed in divorce and believed in working on things till death do us part. But my marriage is controlling and physically and mentally abusive so how do I stay and work that out? Its killing me emotionally but I don't want to just leave because I love my husband. There are so many good things I love and like about him but then there's so much pain as well.

* steals the beer bottles from friend4u's truck, serves to Friend4u, alty, muddy ,blackvy, pinky, and everybody else*
Gool light folls, I guess... hick... hick... gottt oo... hick... leave... hick... hick.

* steals the beer bottles from friend4u's truck, serves to Friend4u, alty, muddy ,blackvy, pinky, and everybody else*
Gool light folls, I guess... hick... hick... gottt oo... hick... leave... hick... hick.:):eek::D:cool:

Drunk sergie double posts

Quote:

Originally Posted by pinkangelgirl

Thats good advice and makes sense. I never believed in divorce and believed in working on things till death do us part. But my marriage is controlling and physically and mentally abusive so how do i stay and work that out? Its killing me emotionally but i dont want to just leave because i love my husband. There are so many good things i love and like about him but then theres so much pain aswell.

Pinky, maybe you should start a thread about this. I know that there are lots of people that would be there to give you advice. A lot of people that won't come to this thread.

I will ask a few questions.

1. How long have you been married?
2. Does your husband hit you? You said that the marriage is physically abusive.
3. How is your marriage mentally abusive?

Are there any good parts in your marriage? You say that you love him. What do you love about him?

If it's physically abusive then I'd leave, but that's me.

If you can salvage any part of your marriage, if you can both work together or agree to counseling, then I would say that you at least owe it to yourself to try.

Love isn't always easy. Marriage isn't either.

We're here if you need to talk. If you start a thread about this then post the link here, I know that most of us will be there to give you support and provide advice. :)

Quote:

Originally Posted by sergie

* steals the beer bottles from friend4u's truck, serves to Friend4u, alty, muddy ,blackvy, pinky, and everybody else*
Gool light folls, I guess ........hick........hick.........gottt oo ...hick.....leave........hick........hick.:):eek:: D:cool:

Serve beer! Not drink beer! ;)

Bad Sergie. Go to my room! ;)

Quote:

Originally Posted by Altenweg

Pinky, maybe you should start a thread about this. I know that there are lots of people that would be there to give you advice. A lot of people that won't come to this thread.

Psssst...

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/marria...ge-433549.html

Quote:

Originally Posted by friend4u178

Psssst..............

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/marria...ge-433549.html

Damnit!

I told you I'm not computer savvy! :(

My bad.

I'll check it out later, time to get the kids to bed. Sydney and I are reading Charlottes web. :)

Pinky, stick around. I'm glad you joined our little group.

Sergie, get her another beer! ;)

M, I'll catch you later babe. That was the beer talking. Not really. ;)

Quote:

Originally Posted by pinkangelgirl

Thats good advice and makes sense. I never believed in divorce and believed in working on things till death do us part. But my marriage is controlling and physically and mentally abusive so how do i stay and work that out? Its killing me emotionally but i dont want to just leave because i love my husband. There are so many good things i love and like about him but then theres so much pain aswell.

Is his life insurance paid up? Self defense is becoming more and more common in domestic abuse cases.

You get silliness like this in the chat threads.

Quote:

Originally Posted by BlackVY

Thanks... sorry M... that was me just being an a**... won't do it again... (hehehe)

Hey no problem at all Blacky , we're all just fooling around in here anyway. And no your not an A** , you're a friend like all of us are here.

Take care buddy and we'll chat soon.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Altenweg

Pinky, maybe you should start a thread about this. I know that there are lots of people that would be there to give you advice. A lot of people that won't come to this thread.

I will ask a few questions.

1. How long have you been married?
2. Does your husband hit you? You said that the marriage is physically abusive.
3. How is your marriage mentally abusive?

Are there any good parts in your marriage? You say that you love him. What do you love about him?

If it's physically abusive then I'd leave, but that's me.

If you can salvage any part of your marriage, if you can both work together or agree to counseling, then I would say that you at least owe it to yourself to try.

Love isn't always easy. Marriage isn't either.

We're here if you need to talk. If you start a thread about this then post the link here, I know that most of us will be there to give you support and provide advice. :)

Thanks again for your advice altenweg. We have been married 3months only but together 3yrs. We have had a lot of problems and some things have gotten a lot better. However when the fights get bad he can become physically abusive and hit me, push and try to strangle me. This doesn't happen often but it does happen enough to make me feel scared and like I have no control. Its mentally abusive because he wants to control my life and now I have such low self-esteem and that I can't do things for myself. Don't get me wrong, there are many good things about him, he is loving and caring and tries to take care of me in different ways. I know that I'm not perfect either, I know he gets angry with the way I want to be independent and often I want to leave because I feel so controlled and I miss having a life outside of this relationship. That's why I am confused about whether I should stay or go. Btw I have started a thread before and most pple said to go to counseling which is what I've arranged to do so il see what happens.

Since singer Susan Boyle (who professes being a virgin) has been on TV, there's been a marked drop in suicide bombings . Apparently many of the terrorists didn't realize what a virgin looked like.

That's an old one mag, your losing your touch, for shame.

Good to see the spam can again though

Hey magprob!

Welcome to the lounge Pinky! :)

Sorry Adam, I was already in bed yesterday when you posted :o

Hi, Unky and Bear. :)

I hope you both have had good days. :)

Hey Cat! :)

I'm fine, tired, but fine and I have some time alone in the house. Both mum and little sis are at the conservatory, learning guitar...

I don't think Bear is here yet... he was here hum... 4 hours ago. Later perhaps!

And how are you? :)

Ughhh

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/teens/...-a-437420.html

Well, I guess it's only curiosity from that OP... or (s)he is watching things (s)he shouldn't and the images are sticking in his/her mind.

Actually I was Ughhhing at the first response.

Oh, sorry :o

Quote:

Originally Posted by J_9

Actually I was Ughhhing at the first response.

I can see why. The thought of age appropriate answers comes to mind as I hit my head on the desk. (ouch)

Quote:

Originally Posted by Cat1864

(ouch)

Here's a Tylenol. :p

Quote:

Originally Posted by Unknown008

Hey Cat! :)

I'm fine, tired, but fine and I have some time alone in the house. Both mum and lil sis are at the conservatory, learning guitar...

I don't think Bear is here yet... he was here hum... 4 hours ago. Later perhaps!

And how are you? :)

I am glad you are getting some alone time. I hope they are enjoying their lessons. :)

I put in the Hi to Bear so I don't miss him later. :)

Morning, J. :)

Quote:

Originally Posted by J_9

Here's a Tylenol. :p

Thanks.

If that doesn't work, let me know. I have stronger stuff, and I think you'll need it after the effects of reading that VERY long post with NO paragraphs kicks in. LOL