Sneezy, I just loved those warning labels...

Here are a few 'truths' I found in my CFS Newsletter. I really love men, but also enjoy a laugh or two, so here goes..


SMILE OF THE WEEK

(contributions for this section are most welcome)

=: A Woman's View On Men :=

What do you call a handcuffed man?
Trustworthy.

Why do only 10 percent of men make it to heaven?
If they all went, it would be hell.

Why do men like smart women?
Opposites attract.

How are husbands like lawn mowers?
They're hard to get started, they emit noxious odors, and half the time they don't work.

How do men define a 50-50 relationship?
We cook, they eat; we clean, they dirty; we iron, they wrinkle.

How do men exercise on the beach?
By sucking in their stomachs every time they see a bikini.

How do you get a man to stop biting his nails?
Make him wear shoes.

How does a man show he's planned for the future?
He buys two cases of beer instead of one.

How is Colonel Sanders like the typical male?
All he's concerned with are thighs, breasts, and legs.

How many men does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
One. He just holds it up there and waits for the world to revolve around him.

What did God say after creating man?
"I can do much better than that."

What do men consider a gourmet restaurant?
Any place without a drive-up window.

What do you call a man with half a brain?
Gifted.

What do you do with a bachelor who thinks he's God's gift to women?
Exchange him.

What should you give a man who has everything?
A woman to show him how to work it.

What's a man's idea of honesty in a relationship?
Telling you his real name.

What's the best way to force a man to do sit-ups?
Put the remote control between his toes.

What's the difference between Big Foot and an intelligent man?
Big Foot's been seen several times.

What's the smartest thing a man can say?
"My wife says..."

Why are all dumb blonde jokes one-liners?
So men can understand them.

Why did God create man before woman?
Because you're always supposed to have a rough draft before you create your masterpiece.

Why do female black widow spiders kill the males after mating?
To stop the snoring before it starts.

Why do jocks play on artificial turf?
To keep them from grazing.

Why do men need instant replay on TV sports?
Because after 30 seconds they forget what happened.

Why does it take 100 million sperm to fertilize one egg?
Because not one will stop and ask for directions.

Why is psychoanalysis a lot quicker for men than for women?
When it's time to go back to his childhood he's already there.

[author unknown]
http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/36/36_11_6.gif

Wow, that was kind of man-hating actually.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by NeedKarma

Wow, that was kinda man-hating actually.

---

Hi needkarma, where have you been? Good to hear from you.

I don't hate men at all, but just as most men like 'blond' jokes, I like a good laugh at 'men' jokes now and then.

I hope you know me better than that dear.

http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/15/15_11_2.gif

But it was so funny NK! ;) I needed a few good laughs! Thanks Momma C! :D

Yes, thanks. I too needed some laughter!

Hey, don't you think that the author is me! OK!

Thank you Chery, you made me laugh today... more please.

Stringer

Mornin all... :)

Mornin Chicky... more like G'nite! I had a scary thing happen lastnite, and had the cops here again... grrrrrrrr! All's fine now, but I haven't slept all night, and once again, the cops were such a help! ::yeah NOT::

I have things to do today, and I'm going to be like a walking zombie!

Oh Starby... you rest. Check in later and tell me that you slept, K?

I'm going to try and get a couple hours in anyway. Poor Alty, I kept her up on the phone until the cops arrived. She's going to be tired too! It all happened between 2 and 3 this morn!

You can call me too, you know... if you ever can't get her. :)

Morning ladies,

Sorry to hear it was a rough night starby.. I'll bring my paintball gun up and we can have a stakeout...

I'll put the paintballs in the freezer ;)

Ooo... ooo... can I come? I love shooting people with paintball guns... :D

Awww, thanks Chicky! I will email you later, and give you my # too.

This whole thing with my ex still pops up every now and then. The whole thing with my vehicles being torn up and the vandalism in my yard, which just so happened it wasn't him the last time.

I get prank calls in the middle of the night. I was getting them for a long time, but they seemed to stop for quite awhile until lastnite/morn. They are always in between midnite and 7am. Most often I get them around 3am... that's when the bars let out. It's always from a private #, and the cops have records at least an inch thick, of all of these calls. They haven't done anything to trace them, and the company will not let me do it. They always tell me to call the police, and then the police tell me to call the company. It's a great big circle jerk.

What happened lastnight to scare me, was my phone rang right around 3am. Private # again. They called back many times, and the last time I answered, they whispered "I'm watching you". Niki was outside, and all of a sudden she went crazy barking! I very cautiously opened the door to let her in, and she came running in, still barking at the door. I tried to lock my door, and found there was something wrong with my lock. It just wouldn't latch. So right now, I have got a bunch of furniture blocking my back door!

It freaked me right out! I have an unlisted #, so I'm figuring this is the work of my ex again. I don't know why he just doesn't get a life! But he's done some bad things to me before, and it scares me!

Seriously, Starby. If you feel the need to get away, fly yourself down here to Clearwater. Make it a girl pampering vacation at the beach... Seriously.

Oh God, I wish I could afford that right now. Even just the plane ticket, and a bit of spending money. I've got friends in Englewood and Venice, and of course my parents have their house there too. But, I just can't afford it, and it just sucks having to put up with this crap all of the time.

Sorry... Did I say "GOOD MORNING"? :) I'm just a bright ray 'o sunshine, aren't I?

I better go crash for a bit like I said before! Have a good day all!

Sleep well, dear. My door is always open :)

Starby, that makes me angry. There is no way to escalate the call you have into the police? That's harassment and borderline stalking - I'm appaled that they won't do anything.

I told you starbs, call the cops and say, "Oh, don't worry about that guy...I just shot him and hid him somewhere in my house."

That's when they start doing stuff.

Sorry you had another roughie starbs.

Hello biggie. Hello hc. I was awakened this morning around 7am with the sound of what can only be described as a jet engine next to my bedroom.. . it was the construction people, putting in another elevator next door.. . fan... tastic. I'm off for a run. Be good kids. I'll check back in later.