Ask Me Help Desk - This is funny, really, you'll laugh.

This is funny, really, you'll laugh.

THINGS I'VE LEARNED FROM MY CHILDREN
If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite
A 3-year-old's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded > restaurant
If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42-pound boy wearing batman underwear and a superman cape
It is strong enough, however, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20'x20' room
You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on
When using the ceiling fan as a bat you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit
A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way
The glass in windows (even double pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan
When you hear the toilet flush and the words "Uh-oh", it's already too late
Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it
A 6-year-old can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36-year-old man says they can only do it in the movies
A magnifying glass can start a fire even on an overcast day
A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq ft house 4 inches deep
Legos will pass through the digestive tract of a 4-year-old
Duplos will not
Play Dough and Microwave should never be used in the same sentence
Super glue is forever
No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool, you still can't walk on water
Pool filters do not like Jell-O
VCRs do not eject PB&J sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do
Garbage bags do not make good parachutes
Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving
You probably do not want to know what that odor is.
Always look in the oven before you turn it on
Plastic toys do not like ovens
The spin cycle in the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy
It will, however, make cats dizzy
Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy

LOL! Probably so... Enjoyed them! :p

What about 'i made a microwave out of play dough', lol seems like you had some fun times :)

Lmao so true for most of them. Nice

These aren't my experiences, I definitely didn't write this, someone else came up with these gems. I can see where someone with children would get these ideas. Kids are amazing, they do and say things that make you laugh daily.

This is one of mine, I laughed so hard I almost peed my pants,

The other day my husband made soft boiled eggs for breakfast. As the four of us sat down to eat, my 5 year old daughter said to my husband "Daddy, please don't eat any eggs, they make your bum stinky."

That's all funny... and all true... :cool:

Yea, I did half of those things when I was kid. My mom said it was hell raising me.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Altenweg

These aren't my experiences, I definitely didn't write this, someone esle came up with these gems. I can see where someone with children would get these ideas. Kids are amazing, they do and say things that make you laugh daily.

This is one of mine, I laughed so hard I almost peed my pants,

The other day my husband made soft boiled eggs for breakfast. As the four of us sat down to eat, my 5 year old daughter said to my husband "Daddy, please don't eat any eggs, they make your bum stinky."

Your daughter gives good advice.. maybe she could answer questions here. Heck.. that could fall under a lot of things.. food and drink... emm.. dating..

And here's something I've learned from my 4 yr old cousin.

All you need to take out power for your entire neighborhood is a metal letter opener and a power outlet.

LMAO... stinky bum :-)

Very interesting.

Today we learned that bread covered in jam, when dropped on the floor, will always land jam down. Always!

Quote:

Originally Posted by Altenweg

Today we learned that bread covered in jam, when dropped on the floor, will always land jam down. Always!

Of course... even more fun when you manage to catch it half way down :-)

Quote:

Originally Posted by friend4u178

Of course.............even more fun when you manage to catch it half way down :-)

Been there, done that, wrote the book.

This is off topic but I had to share because it made me chuckle on an otherwise chuckle free day.

I found a new outgoing message for my answering machine. Here it goes:

Sorry I'm not in right now, I had to go to the pet store to buy a new budgie, leave a message and I'll call you back.

Oh, by the way, using a vacuum cleaner to clean out the bird cage is a bad idea.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Altenweg

Been there, done that, wrote the book.

This is off topic but I had to share because it made me chuckle on an otherwise chuckle free day.

I found a new outgoing message for my answering machine. Here it goes:

Sorry I'm not in right now, I had to go to the pet store to buy a new budgie, leave a message and I'll call you back.

Oh, by the way, using a vacuum cleaner to clean out the bird cage is a bad idea.

LMAO... nice one Alt , I like it :-)

I do have my moments. Hee, Hee.

I have a story that I wold like to share about a small parakeet that we had when I was a child. Want to hear it? It's kind of gross...

Clough, I could probably handle gross, go for it.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Clough

I have a story that I wold like to share about a small parakeet that we had when I was a child. Wanna hear it? It's kinda gross...

C'mon Clough... we're sitting on the edge of our seats waiting :-)

Clough, have you decided that it's too gross to share. Let me tell you that nothing shocks me so go for it. We are waiting to hear this gross tale.:)

Altenweg, loved those... keep them coming please, lit up my day.
Stringer

Yesterday my 9 year old told me that a girl at school advised him that a certain species of monkey was going extinct because people are making fun of them.

Through clenched teeth (I was trying not to laugh) I asked him how someone making fun of these monkeys could cause them to become extinct.

He said "They have funny butts and people are hunting them and hanging their butts on their wall, that's not nice is it Mommy?"

At this point I have lost the battle and have started laughing hysterically. My son walked out of the room with this parting comment "You adults just don't take anything seriously, those poor monkey's are dying just because of their butts."

I think I almost peed my pants, I laughed soooooo hard.

Maybe you had to be there.

Microwaving GI Joe and his buddies left no one behind to tell MaMa Joe what happened to her children.
Burrying all the silverware in the backyard is not a good idea.
Microwaving screwdrivers, vice grips and full cans of beer is not a good idea.
My kid's hands were fried from his wonderful microwaving experiences that he never told me until he was 21 so I could not disown him.
Digging very deep holes and filling them up with the garden hose just to play combat boy with the German Shepard dog will definitely piss off mom.
Radically trimming the orange tree back and giving it a hair cut is not a good idea.
Weedeating mom's flowers down to ground level is not a good idea either.

I love this thread.

My little one keeps asking me if she can do certain things when she is all grown up-
Use deodorant
Use real scissors etc...

And the next time I asked her for something of hers,she tells me that I can have it when I have grown smaller/younger.
Kids are so funny even when they are not trying to be.

My aunt and her 3... hellish... little boys came for a... long... long... week to visit. And I've learned a bit from them.

If you cover your entire body with pure white cloth and throw a completeley white cake at a dog in a completely white room, the dog will not actually see it coming.

The little green army men toys you get at the 99 cent store do in fact add a kick to chili.

No matter how long you stay in the dryer, you will not end up in Narnia.

Quote:

Originally Posted by firmbeliever

I love this thread.

My little one keeps asking me if she can do certain things when she is all grown up-
use deodorant
use real scissors etc...

And the next time I asked her for something of hers, she tells me that I can have it when I have grown smaller/younger.
Kids are so funny even when they are not trying to be.

LOL! :p Kids get the idea real quick, as to how to respond or act based upon how and what we give to them as examples to follow!

Narnia, Hee, Hee. :p

Today I learned that Bunnies don't like getting their bums washed, even if it's covered in poo. I also learned that Bunnies have very, very sharp nails and that washing poo of their bums is best done with a long sleeve shirt and preferably a rain coat. Washing poo off anything is not fun, ever. Really! Apparently the joke about the Bear and the rabbit taking a poo in the woods is completely untrue, poo does stick to a bunnies fur. Kids do not want to help if the word poo is involved, they hide until the poo has been dealt with, even if it's on their bunny. UGH, how many times have I said the word poo?

Alty:)

Very funny, you guys are bringing back so, so many memories...

Did you have bunnies too? How did you wash their bums? Any advice on Bunny bum washing is appreciated.:)

"yellow liquid" and "water gun" should never be used in the same sentence

If you drink enough water, you can pee in a glass and people wll think it's water

Amazingly, it is possible for a 7 year old to dig pitfalls in the back yard

If you ever lose you socks in the dryer, look to your 5 yr old relative dressed like a sock stealing gnome

It should be noted, if you get a new above ground pool and invite the whole neighborhood, you should be aware of the child that has had 8 glasses of juice in 8 hours and has never left the pool. Yuck.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Altenweg

It should be noted, if you get a new above ground pool and invite the whole neighborhood, you should be aware of the child that has had 8 glasses of juice in 8 hours and has never left the pool. Yuck.

Ooooooh no, did the kid have a smile on his face?:p

Yup, but the other kids didn't when they realized what this implied.

Let's just say that you can't clean that pool enough for the kids to ever willingly go in it again. What a waste of money. Oh well, at least we got one days use out of it. Sigh.

LMAO Alty... at least when it freezes over you'll have your own Yellow snow :-)

F4U - EWWWW! Besides, it wouldn't work. It was a pricey pool, but still a blow up one, letting it ice over would have split the little sucker in two.

I did notice that the water had a bad color while the kids were still using it, I attributed it to dirt getting in, guess I was wrong. My Bad.

Yes... a bad, bad thing... but he wasn't "grunting" was he?

Hahahahahaha, wow, I can't believe I asked that...
Stringer

Quote:

Originally Posted by Stringer

Yes.....a bad, bad thing....but he wasn't "grunting" was he?

hahahahahaha, wow, I can't believe I asked that......
Stringer

LOL... bad stringer

Ewww, another bad thought. Stringer, I honestly didn't check for a floaty, I was to grossed out about the urine aspect, didn't give the floaty a second thought. My hubby's the one who cleaned out the pool, I'll have to ask him if there was anything besides pee. Yuck, that pool is so going in the trash this year.

Hey, I wonder if you can wash a bunny butt in an outdoor pool that will no longer be used by humans. Maybe I shouldn't toss it, could be my new bunny butt washing device.

HA! Found you all! :)

You can't hide from me... I'm Caffeinated Woman! Complete with the spandex, the Barbie figure, and the cool cape! :D

Oh, in order to not sabotage... Love this list! :)

It's nice to have 2 lovely ladies following you around :-)