Ask Me Help Desk - A few funnies

Quote:

Originally Posted by Just Dahlia

You know, Moms are just so smart:) I thought that right away:rolleyes: But Dad (no offense) is clueless:D

I'm glad I'm not the only one who saw that.

A friend and I were staying with my mother for a few days when my nephew was about two. I was spending some time with him one day, when he comes walking out of the bathroom chewing on her toothbrush. Turns out that he wanted to brush his teeth. Since he couldn't turn on the water, he just dipped it in the toilet. Needless to say, she got a new toothbrush.

Quote:

Originally Posted by hheath541

I'm glad I'm not the only one who saw that.

a friend and i were staying with my mother for a few days when my nephew was about two. i was spending some time with him one day, when he comes walking out of the bathroom chewing on her toothbrush. turns out that he wanted to brush his teeth. since he couldn't turn on the water, he just dipped it in the toilet. needless to say, she got a new toothbrush.

Owwwwweeee! :rolleyes:

My sister was LESS than pleased that I 'let' him do it.

Mind you, that happened only a few months after he got into her purse, climbed over the baby gate, went upstairs, and flushed her cell phone down the toilet. She didn't even know if he'd done it minutes, or hours, before.

I think him wandering down a short hallway and grabbing a toothbrush off the counter next to the toilet is a bit less noticeable.

Quote:

Originally Posted by hheath541

my sister was LESS than pleased that i 'let' him do it.

mind you, that happened only a few months after he got into her purse, climbed over the baby gate, went upstairs, and flushed her cell phone down the toilet. she didn't even know if he'd done it minutes, or hours, before.

i think him wandering down a short hallway and grabbing a toothbrush off the counter next to the toilet is a bit less noticeable.

Yep.

A friend of mine has just told me he's been making love to his girlfriend and her twin.

I said how you can tell them apart?

He said , "Her brother's got a moustache!"

Aaaaaah... ok :confused::rolleyes:

No.. Ha ha... I GOT IT M!

It's just, weeeeeelllllll...

I'm sorry, I had to...because I got a chuckle out of some that I had to concentrate and follow:)

If Yoko Ono had married Sonny Bono, she'd be Yoko Ono Bono.

If Dolly had married Salvador Dali, she'd be Dolly Dali.

If Oprah Winfrey married Deepak Chopra, she'd be Oprah Chopra.

If Olivia Newton-John married Wayne Newton, then divorced him to marry Elton John, she'd be Olivia Newton-John Newton John.

If Sondra Locke married Elliot Ness, then divorced him to marry Herman Munster, she'd become Sondra Locke Ness Munster.

If Liv Ullman married Judge Lance Ito, then divorced him and married Jerry Mathers, she'd be Liv Ito Beaver.

If Cat Stevens married Snoop Doggy Dogg, he'd be Cat Doggy Dogg.

If Ivana Trump married, in succession, (follow along here) :rolleyes: Orson Bean (actor), King Oscar (of Norway), Louis B. Mayer (filmmaker) and Norbert Wiener (mathematician), she would then be Ivana Bean Oscar Mayer Wiener.:D

Those were good JD :)

What about if "Claudia Schiffer" married "Brains" from the Thunderbirds
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Would she be...
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Claudia Schiffer Brains :D

Nice:D Had to read out loud!

I see they haven't fixed the greenie thing yet.

What's wrong with the greenies?

Quote:

Originally Posted by hheath541

what's wrong with the greenies?

Psssssst...

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/forum-...es-450310.html

Hmmm... hadn't noticed. Then again, I rarely remember where I posted greenies.

What's a greenie

Quote:

Originally Posted by carpenter-t

whats a greenie

Agreeing with a post gives the poster a green box (greenie) on his/her profile.

Disagreeing (should only be used for dangerous advice or inaccurate facts; opinions should be discussed on the board) with a post gives a red box (reddie).

Greenies are good. :)

Skinny Dipping

An elderly man in Louisiana had owned a large farm for several years.

He had a large pond in the back. It was properly shaped for swimming, so he fixed it up nice picnic tables, horseshoe courts, and some apple and peach trees.

One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond, as he hadn't been there for a while, and looks it over. He grabbed a five-gallon bucket to bring back some fruit.

As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee..

As he came closer, he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny-dipping in his pond.

He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end.

One of the women shouted to him, 'We're not coming out until you leave!

The old man frowned, 'I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim naked or make you get out of the pond naked.'

Holding the bucket up he said, 'I'm here to feed the alligator.'

Some old men can still think fast.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Cats

What did they tell you when they found out the bucket was empty?

Surely:

'I was on my way to get the meat' :)

Nice Stringer :)

Hahahaha

Good one!

I love this thread, great for a laugh

Actually I can't remember. I know that I had one gigantic smile on my face.

This story happened a while ago outside Dublin , and even
Though it sounds like an Alfred Hitchcock tale, it's true.

John Bradford, a Dublin University student, was on the
Side of the road hitchhiking on a very dark night and in the midst of
A big storm. The night was rolling on and no car went by. The storm
Was so strong he could hardly see a few feet ahead of him.

Suddenly, he saw a car slowly coming towards him and
Stopped. John, desperate for shelter and without thinking about
It, got into the car and closed the door... only to realize there was
Nobody behind the wheel and the engine wasn't on.

The car started moving slowly. John looked at the road
Ahead and saw a curve approaching. Scared, he started to pray, begging
For his life.
Then, just before the car hit the curve, a hand appeared
Out of nowhere through the window, and turned the wheel. John,
Paralyzed with terror, watched as the hand came through the window,
But never touched or harmed him.

Shortly thereafter, John saw the lights of a pub appear
Down the road, so, gathering strength, he jumped out of the car and
Ran to it.
Wet and out of breath, he rushed inside and started
Telling everybody about the horrible experience he had just had.

A silence enveloped the pub when everybody realized he
Was crying... and wasn't drunk.

Suddenly, the door opened, and two other people walked
In from the dark and stormy night. They, like John, were also soaked
And out of breath. Looking around, and seeing John Bradford sobbing at
The bar, one said to the other...

'Look Paddy...
There's that f*****g idiot that got in the car
While we were pushing it!!

Great Way - Snotr

Webdesign clients in real life - Snotr

Quote:

Originally Posted by hheath541

Webdesign clients in real life - Snotr

I found that VERY interesting. I have had clients that decide not to pay and I want to go back to their establishment and take my F... ing compressor out and see what they do at that point.

OK... over it now... lets get back to funny:D

Quote:

Originally Posted by Just Dahlia

AGAIN...What are you talking about:confused:

I think she fell into the wrong thread somehow. Either that or she's clinically insane.

The Best card trick ever , how does he do this??

Best Card Trick Ever

Quote:

Originally Posted by friend4u178

The Best card trick ever , how does he do this ???

Best Card Trick Ever

I have no idea M! He is really amazing, good find buddy! :)

Quote:

Originally Posted by friend4u178

The Best card trick ever , how does he do this ???

Best Card Trick Ever

What the hell :eek:

This is interesting, not as much as M's card trick though, that was good.

Palindrome of a Lost Generation | Tammy Camp

Quote:

Originally Posted by friend4u178

The Best card trick ever , how does he do this ???

Best Card Trick Ever

OK I have to look at it again and see if I can do the hand thingy:D I am way behind on the card trick, whick was GREAT:eek:
I love that crap:D

Quote:

Originally Posted by Stringer

This is interesting, not as much as M's card trick though, that was good.

Palindrome of a Lost Generation | Tammy Camp

I thought I wasn't going to be quick enough to get it and attempted to concentrate, but there was no need:D Cool:)

Quote:

Originally Posted by Just Dahlia

I thought I wasn't going to be quick enough to get it and attempted to concentrate, but there was no need:D Cool:)

It was cool wasn't it.

Never Argue with a Woman

One morning the husband returns after several hours of fishing and decides to take a nap. Although not familiar with the lake, the wife decides to take the boat out. She motors out a short distance, anchors, and reads her book.

Along comes a Game Warden in his boat. He pulls up alongside the woman and says, 'Good morning, Ma'am. What are you doing?'

'Reading a book,' she replies.

'You're in a Restricted Fishing Area,' he informs her.

'I'm sorry, officer, but I'm not fishing. I'm reading.'

'Yes, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment. I'll have to take you in and write you up.'

'For reading a book?' she replies.

'You're in a Restricted Fishing Area,' he informs her again.

'If you do that, I'll have to charge you with Sexual assault,' says the woman.

'But I haven't even touched you,' says the game warden.

'That's true, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment.'

'Have a nice day ma'am,' and he left.

MORAL: Never argue with a woman who reads. It's likely she can also think.

Ever had Ethiopian food?

Neither have they

Is there something missing? Or do I just belong on the short bus today? I'm confused.

I once rode the short bus

The joke was just wrong. Haha
Ethiopia everyone starves

I'm going to head down to the farmer's market tomorrow.

Know how to tell if they're fresh?

They squeeze you!

Quote:

Originally Posted by friend4u178

Never Argue with a Woman

One morning the husband returns after several hours of fishing and decides to take a nap. Although not familiar with the lake, the wife decides to take the boat out. She motors out a short distance, anchors, and reads her book.

Along comes a Game Warden in his boat. He pulls up alongside the woman and says, 'Good morning, Ma'am. What are you doing?'

'Reading a book,' she replies.

'You're in a Restricted Fishing Area,' he informs her.

'I'm sorry, officer, but I'm not fishing. I'm reading.'

'Yes, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment. I'll have to take you in and write you up.'

'For reading a book?' she replies.

'You're in a Restricted Fishing Area,' he informs her again.

'If you do that, I'll have to charge you with Sexual assault,' says the woman.

'But I haven't even touched you,' says the game warden.

'That's true, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment.'

'Have a nice day ma'am,' and he left.

MORAL: Never argue with a woman who reads. It's likely she can also think.

Excellence again! :)

And, this is considered to be a "few" funnies? :p

Quote:

Originally Posted by xXxEmOxXxPrInCeSsxXx

I'm gonna head down to the farmer's market tomorow.

Know how to tell if they're fresh?

They squeeze you!

Hey, that was pretty good! :p

Quote:

Originally Posted by friend4u178

Never Argue with a Woman

One morning the husband returns after several hours of fishing and decides to take a nap. Although not familiar with the lake, the wife decides to take the boat out. She motors out a short distance, anchors, and reads her book.

Along comes a Game Warden in his boat. He pulls up alongside the woman and says, 'Good morning, Ma'am. What are you doing?'

'Reading a book,' she replies.

'You're in a Restricted Fishing Area,' he informs her.

'I'm sorry, officer, but I'm not fishing. I'm reading.'

'Yes, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment. I'll have to take you in and write you up.'

'For reading a book?' she replies.

'You're in a Restricted Fishing Area,' he informs her again.

'If you do that, I'll have to charge you with Sexual assault,' says the woman.

'But I haven't even touched you,' says the game warden.

'That's true, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment.'

'Have a nice day ma'am,' and he left.

MORAL: Never argue with a woman who reads. It's likely she can also think.

I have this posted in my library, and on my wall at work. This might well be my favorite joke of all time.