Okay funny man, I posted this on my chat thread, but I have to post it here too.

If you're not familiar with "The Wiggles" they are a band for small children. They do live shows, have a television program, are usually very child appropriate. They're geared towards preschool kids.

Anyway, having said that, this is one of their songs.

YouTube - Most Hilarious Ringtone - I've Got the Clap - Hilarious Ringtone!

Thoughts?

A lesson on how consultants can make a difference in an organisation.

The Spoon


Last week, we took some friends to a new restaurant, 'Steve's Place,' and noticed that the waiter who took our order carried a spoon in his shirt pocket.



It seemed a little strange. When the busboy brought our water and utensils, I observed that he also had a spoon in his shirt pocket.

Then I looked around and saw that all the staff had spoons in their pockets. When the waiter came back to serve our soup I enquired, 'Why the spoon?'

'Well, 'he explained, 'the restaurant's owner hired Andersen Consulting to revamp all of our processes. After several months of analysis, they concluded that the spoon was the most frequently dropped utensil. It represents a drop frequency of approximately 3 spoons per table per hour.

If our personnel are better prepared, we can reduce the number of trips back to the kitchen and save 15 man-hours per shift.'

As luck would have it, I dropped my spoon and he replaced it with his spare. 'I'll get another spoon next time I go to the kitchen instead of making an extra trip to get it right now.' I was impressed.

I also noticed that there was a string hanging out of the waiter's fly.

Looking around, I saw that all of the waiters had the same string hanging from their flies. So, before he walked off, I asked the waiter, 'Excuse me, but can you tell me why you have that string right there?'

'Oh, certainly!' Then he lowered his voice. 'Not everyone is so observant. That consulting firm I mentioned also learned that we can save time in the restroom.

By tying this string to the tip of our you-know-what, we can pull it out without touching it and eliminate the need to wash our hands, shortening the time spent in the restroom by 76.39%.'

I asked quietly, 'After you get it out, how do you put it back?'

'Well,' he whispered, 'I don't know about the others, but I use the spoon.'

In Mozambique:

"WARNING: LION ENCOUNTERS!"

"It is the season for lion encounters and this information is being posted to all naturalists, motorcyclists, hikers...anyone who will be going into the bush."

"We advise all to wear little bells on their clothing so as to give advance notice to any lions and not to surprise them.

We also advise that all out-of-doors persons also carry pepper spray with him or her to protect themselves from the lions.

Outdoorsmen should also be on watch for fresh lion activity and be able to tell the difference between lion cub crap and big lion crap. Lion cub crap is smaller and contains lots of berries and bits of fur. Big lion crap has lots of little bells in it and smells of pepper."

"Enjoy your stay in Mozambique....."

A city dweller moved up to a very remote part of Canada to be as far from the city crowds as possible. In fact his closest neighbor was 70 miles away and that suited him well.
He had been there for about 3 months when there was a knock on his door. Somewhat surprised he answered the door to find a large bearded man on his porch. The man said, " I heard you moved in so I come by to introduce myself and welcome you to our beautiful country."
How nice , he thought, took 3 months to get here. About right for visits from neighbors.
Then the man said, "Also there is a tradition of a welcoming party for you and it will be on Saturday."
He said, "I usually don't like party's....." but was interupted by the man saying, " You'll like this party! Lot's of good food and wine, singing and dancing , sometimes a fight breaks out but boys will be boys and all the incredible sex makes it all worthwhile!"
That got his attention , he said, "OK! Sounds great! What should I wear?"
The man says, "Don't much matter....just gonna be you and me."

A doctor was making his rounds one night when a nurse comes up and asked him to sign a couple of charts. Reaching into his pocket he pulls out a thermometer and begins to " sign" the charts. When he notices this he says , "damn some a55hole has my pen."

How do you wake up Lady Ga Ga?

Poke her face:D

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Originally Posted by ;

Just Dahlia agrees : ha ha, but you picture is freaking me out:o

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Now I need to change that to "used to freak me out" since you changed it:)

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Originally Posted by Just Dahlia

Now I need to change that to "used to freak me out" since you changed it:)

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I thought it was actually flattering. I was much younger then, and now look more like a troll and have a face that would make a train take a dirt road.I'm a walking testimonial for avatar use.

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Originally Posted by Just Dahlia

How do you wake up Lady Ga Ga?

Poke her face:D

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I don't get those poke her face... oh wait, wait, wait! I get it!
LOL good one.

A few siggy rejects. ;)

It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbors newspaper, that's the time to do it.

Never test the depth of the water with both feet.

If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.

Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.

There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.

Eagles can soar, but weasels don't get sucked into Jet engines.

A man is as young as the woman he feels.

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carpenter-t disagrees

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?

This is the joke section. Do you even know the rules of this site?

Disagrees are for factually incorrect info only.

I'm sick of all the reddies from people that just have to express their opinions because they don't like what someone wrote.

Thread closed!

Ya, I'm mad.

That was totally uncalled for! :mad:

Okay, I re-opened it, giving Carpenter a chance to explain the reddie.

I don't mind reddies if I posted something that went against the ruels or was factually incorrect. The fact is, this is a joke forum, and there's no such thing as factually incorrect in jokes.

If you don't like the jokes I tell, don't read them, but to reddie them, not okay. What with the new skin and all the chaos it's causing, this was the last straw for me today.

If the reddie was an accident, understandable, it's happened to me too, and I should have thought of that before I got upset. Again, bad day, this was just the straw that broke this camels back, and for that I do apologize.

If I jumped the gun and this was a mistake, sorry. If not, I'd like an explanation. So I've re-opened this thread for that purpose.

Hope you saw my explanation and apology on the previous page.

Carpenter, I did see your explanation, and I too apologize for jumping the gun before asking for an explanation. My bad. Bad week. Sorry. :o

I see you're on the new ff style skin, confusing as all get out, not user friendly, and now I understand the reddie more then ever. It's not you, it's the skin you're using.

My suggestion is to choose the v2 skin as your default. It's much easier to navigate, and the site looks so much nicer in v2.

The new skin is just being tested, but all the bugs haven't been worked out, not even close.

If you're in the new skin, scroll to the top, there should be a link that says "take me to the old AMHD".

Sorry for getting upset. I'm a girl. It happens.

Hope you accept my apology. :)

Alty-no apology necessary,thanks to giding me back to the old v2 skin

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Originally Posted by carpenter-t

alty-no apology necessary,thanks to giding me back to the old v2 skin

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Thanks for being so understanding.

I'm just having a bad week, mainly because of the new skin.

I've been getting unwarranted reddies from newbies without any posts to their name, no need for them to spread the rep, and seeing your reddie, that was just the last thing I could take. :o

Then I sat back, realized that you're not like that, and boy, now I feel like a total big "b" little "itch".

Bygones?

Now tell a joke and lets get this thread back on track. :cool: :)

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Originally Posted by Altenweg

Okay, I re-opened it, giving Carpenter a chance to explain the reddie.

I don't mind reddies if I posted something that went against the ruels or was factually incorrect. The fact is, this is a joke forum, and there's no such thing as factually incorrect in jokes.

If you don't like the jokes I tell, don't read them, but to reddie them, not okay. What with the new skin and all the chaos it's causing, this was the last straw for me today.

If the reddie was an accident, understandable, it's happened to me too, and I should have thought of that before I got upset. Again, bad day, this was just the straw that broke this camels back, and for that I do apologize.

If I jumped the gun and this was a mistake, sorry. If not, I'd like an explanation. So I've re-opened this thread for that purpose.

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I'm sorry I don't know why I got a chuckle out of the misspelling:D

::running away:::)

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Originally Posted by Just Dahlia

I'm sorry I don't know why I got a chuckle out of the misspelling:D

::running away:::)

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OMG! Ahhhh! I am human! NOOOOOO! ;) ;)

Run hard. Run fast. Run long. ;)

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Originally Posted by Altenweg

OMG! Ahhhh! I am human! NOOOOOO! ;) ;)

Run hard. Run fast. Run long. ;)

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Run forestia. Run!!

Funny picture