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Originally Posted by despicableme

I wish I did then it could be some sort of an excuse.

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You had mentioned 2011. How come? What significance does that year have?

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Originally Posted by Enigma1999

You had mentioned 2011. How come? What significance does that year have?

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Long story short this guy I really like online hung himself while we web camming each other. It was all my fault because I couldn't even get a job to come see him. Maybe If I wasn't so stupid & worthless I could have saved him and maybe he would have been alive today. Could have been happy or at least friends.

Now the same thing is happening again with another guy I like but this time.. I don't know I'm just a fool.

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Originally Posted by despicableme

It was all my fault because I couldn't even get a job to come see him.

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His death was NOT your fault. He had bigger problems than you could have dealt with or solved. He committed suicide on camera?

And why can't you get a job within three months, especially now that you have a killer resume and me (us) behind you?

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Originally Posted by despicableme

Now the same thing is happening again with another guy I like but this time..I dunno i'm just a fool.

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Um, why can't the guy travel to see you?

Stop it with the self-denigrating comments, for pete's sake.

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Originally Posted by despicableme

Now the same thing is happening again with another guy I like but this time..I dunno i'm just a fool.

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I am sorry for the loss of your friend, but I don't see how that is your fault.

Due to the fact this thread is taking a different route, I would like to ask you when you first started to feel this badly about yourself?

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Originally Posted by Wondergirl

His death was NOT your fault. He had bigger problems than you could have dealt with or solved. He committed suicide on camera?

And why can't you get a job within three months, especially now that you have a killer resume and me (us) behind you?

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He wanted me to watch because he told me it was all my fault because I didn't see him. I thought he was just playing but I guess not. Sound unbeilveble huh?

To answer your second question I don't know I don't have an excuse this time.

Well I found put the place I had interviewed a long time ago for is hiring people but the man never called back and now I'm kind of afraid to call about just to be rejected. Do I apply again? Yeah I have issues with calling people.

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Originally Posted by despicableme

Well i found put the place i had interviewed a long time ago for is hiring people but the man never called back and now im kinda afraid to call about just to be rejected. Do I apply again? Yeah I have issues with calling people.

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You can apply there or at other places. There were lots of possibilities on that jobs board. You really need someone to role-play interviewing with you.

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Originally Posted by despicableme

He wanted me to watch because he told me it was all my fault because I didn't see him. I thought he was just playing but I guess not. Sound unbeilveble huh?

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I wonder if he really followed through. Sounds extremely manipulative and cruel.

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Originally Posted by Wondergirl

You can apply there or at other places. There were lots of possibilities on that jobs board. You really need someone to role-play interviewing with you.

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I know.. where can I find someone? With my sister it's not the same I need a professional or something I think.

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Originally Posted by Wondergirl

Um, why can't the guy travel to see you?

Stop it with the self-denigrating comments, for pete's sake.

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I don't know he never said so.

I can try but I can't make any promises.

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Originally Posted by Enigma1999

I am sorry for the loss of your friend, but I don't see how that is your fault.

Due to the fact this thread is taking a different route, I would like to ask you when you first started to feel this badly about yourself?

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I don't know I always felt badly about myself since high school but I guess it worsened after I left. I don't know I can never tell.

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Originally Posted by despicableme

I know..where can I find someone? With my sister it's not the same I need a professional or something I think.

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So let's find a professional to help you prep for this.

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Originally Posted by despicableme

I don't know I always felt badly about myself since highschool but I guess it worsened after I left. I dunno I can never tell.

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Are your parents aware of your depression?

Listen, this goes deeper than not having or being able to find a job.

I believe that before you begin your search for a job, you need to speak to a your parents about your feelings. Yes, they want you to get a job, and I can understand that, however, if you do get a job, your employer and co workers will sense your depression.

You need to work on you first.

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Originally Posted by Enigma1999

Are your parents aware of your depression?

Listen, this goes deeper than not having or being able to find a job.

I believe that before you begin your search for a job, you need to speek to a your parents about your feelings. Yes, they want you to get a job, and I can understand that, however, if you do get a job, your employer and co workers will sense your depression.

You need to work on you first.

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I think so, but if so what can they do about it? Nothing as far as I can tell. I talked to them about feeling "worthless" and other stuff but they just told me that I'm young and everything is going to be OK.

And I'd rather have a job and be depressed than not have one. Plenty of people have jobs and are depressed. That's no excuse.

By having job I do work on myself. I need money FIRST than I work on myself.

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Originally Posted by despicableme

I think so, but if so what can they do about it? Nothing as far as I can tell. I talked to them about feeling "worthless" and other stuff but they just told me that I'm young and everything is going to be ok.

And I'd rather have a job and be depressed than not have one. Plenty of people have jobs and are depressed. That's no excuse.

By having job I do work on myself. I need money FIRST than I work on myself.

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Your parents have health insurance that probably still covers you and any counseling and medical care you would get. And tell them that no, it's NOT going to be okay. You want the chance to sit down with a counselor for at least three sessions. And no, you don't want a job and be depressed -- automatic failure because you'll end up losing the job, and then will feel even worse about yourself.

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Originally Posted by despicableme

I think so, but if so what can they do about it? Nothing as far as I can tell. I talked to them about feeling "worthless" and other stuff but they just told me that I'm young and everything is going to be ok.

And I'd rather have a job and be depressed than not have one. Plenty of people have jobs and are depressed. That's no excuse.

By having job I do work on myself. I need money FIRST than I work on myself.

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True, however, you don't even want a job that requires ANY communication with people.

That's not real typical for a twenty year old.

The fact that you are also having web cam relationships and thinking you are "worthless" leads me to believe that you may be suffering from depression.

I doubt your parents know the severity of your situation.

You may need counseling.

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Originally Posted by Wondergirl

Your parents have health insurance that probably still covers you and any counseling and medical care you would get. And tell them that no, it's NOT going to be okay. You want the chance to sit down with a counselor for at least three sessions. And no, you don't want a job and be depressed -- automatic failure because you'll end up losing the job, and then will feel even worse about yourself.

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They don't have health insurance. I asked them once before. My mother is not willing to pay extra for health insurance. And my father doesn't have it either. I don't think I'm depressed anyway I don't act like it. I just need to stop being stupid and get my act together.

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Originally Posted by Enigma1999

True, however, you don't even want a job that requires ANY communication with people.

That's not real typical for a twenty year old.

The fact that you are also having web cam relationships and thinking you are "worthless" leads me to believe that you may be suffering from depression.

I doubt your parents know the severity of your situation.

You may need counseling.

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It's not that I don't want one that requires communication I would rather not but I can't avoid it. But I can't even pass an interview for those type of jobs because I need to have those communication skills.

And what's wrong with having a web cam relationship? No other boy would want me, hell I don't want myself so that's the only kind I could get.