May I ask in which state you live? (not anxiety, but a U.S. state)

Washington

Are you near public libraries? Would you walk in the door of one of them (check their web site to find out if they have a volunteer program) and ask about volunteering?

Here's a list of Washington public libraries --

Washington Public Libraries

Yea I can, but this isn't help the problem that I can't do the jobs that I really want to do. I volunteer at the library, OK... something to do, might get me a job somewhere, but then what I am working 9 to 5 the rest of my life doing ****ty jobs, that I have no desire to do, and it gets me no close to the jobs that I want. At least it's something.

But you know all these problems I am having isn't helping me to to trust people at all, I am tried of people looking down at me.

I'll head down there tomorrow and see what I can do.

Step by step... inch by inch...

What do you want to be/do regarding a career or some area of work?

If you play your cards right, in five years you could be the Head of Circulation (Main Desk Manager) at a public library and making $30K+ per year.

I really want to work in the government, law enforcement, military, federal agencies. I have put in paperwork to volunteer for several law enforcement agencies. Yea... but I ruined all that, such a shame. I could go back to school and learn engineering or something, but I can't get any more loans. The loans I have keep growing and working minimum wage it will take close to 6 years to pay off 30K, and that is saying I can afford to put $500 a month towards it.

Maybe it's best I don't get those jobs I do get depressed pretty easy, it is kind of a liability. I just don't want to get stuck as one of those guys that is a janitor for 30 years or something. I can't stand jobs where I have to do the same thing everyday and nothing changes, I want to do something where I have some responsibility. Too bad no one will ever trust me to do something like that.

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Originally Posted by Wondergirl

If you play your cards right, in five years you could be the Head of Circulation (Main Desk Manager) at a public library and making $30K+ per year.

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That is very depressing.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Praecautus

That is very depressing.

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It's a step up. What are your dreams? In what career?

Being an airline pilot would be nice, nano scale engineering would be cool but both require schooling. Law enforcement is something I have always wanted to do, I should move on though. Wanted to do the nuclear program in the navy but that's ruined. Architecture is something I am interested in. Engineering in general would be interesting.

I will never be happy making $30k a year though, I would really like to do a lot of things that a $30k salary would never be able to support, needs to be at least 60K+, then I would be able to not worry about money anymore. That is probably something I should forget about too.

I think I just got a self destructive personality who knows I will probably never be happy.

How old are you?

I'm 21 almost 22. Oh and I am just being difficult, probably the depression talking or something.

A $30K job would only be a step on the way. It doesn't mean you are locked in that forever.

You are just a puppy! I was thinking you are in your 30s. What about going back to school? Loans are deferred while you're in school.

What about the depression? How are you dealing with that?

Then what... I got another 120K to throw on top of what I already owe, and I don't get a job... sounds like a really bad idea.

I also have to add I need a cosigner to get any more loans and my parents would never do that.

The depression?

I've been seeing therapists and stuff, I've taken several courses of different meds. The more I get help like that the more I ruin my life though. It's already cost me career in the military and law enforcement. I am the point where I realize that I am just going to have to live and deal with it.

But living with untreated depression won't get you anywhere. You become your own worst enemy.